Friday, December 2, 2016

At the Movies

I’ve been at my new job for a year now
One of the biggest adjustments for me, aside from getting used to all the accents and cultures, has been dealing with people (work colleagues and customers) strictly via email
I mean I am hard enough to love and appreciate in person and now, now the only way to do it is through the written word with people who have never met me and therefore, do not know “my voice”
And, to boot, I am in contact it with more non Americans than Americans
Which means they do not always pick up on my pop culture references (much like my British born husband)
And sometimes, things get lost in translation (literally and figuratively)
The majority of my work colleagues I interact with on a daily basis are in Sweden, China, and the UK
And though most of my customers are here in the US (with a couple in Canada and Brazil) they are concentrated on the West Coast
So we are in no fewer than 4 time zones
Makes it hard to get anything done in a day
Emails are not answered within an hour of hitting someone’s inbox
Transactions usually occur over a 48 period and an email is typically answered anywhere from 8-24 hours after it’s been sent
As someone who is all about instant gratification, you can imagine my frustration
Sometimes, I have days like today where I walk in and spend the first two to three hours of my day doing nothing but writing
And by writing I of course mean emails
Sometimes, just for fun and to pass the time, because writing emails like this for hours at a time gets really boring as no one answers you back, I make up games
One time, I wrote song lyrics into my emails
Another time, I threw in some movie lines
Sometimes I write in idioms
Today, I decided to incorporate movie titles in all my emails
All in context
And all with the proper capitalization as a hint to the recipient
Like this:

The two cathodes we had in stock were literally Gone in 60 Seconds as I received back to back requests
I sent that pump out a couple weeks ago for The Italian Job
We were thisclose to closing the sale and just like that (insert snap of the fingers for dramatic effect here), it was Gone with the Wind
The HV Unit finally arrived after apparently traveling the world via Planes, Trains and Automobiles
Please make sure the information provided is accurate….I’d hate to be caught Telling Lies in America
In my follow up email about the HV Unit above: Well, could have been worse, it could have gone Around the World in 80 Days

I’ve sent out at least a dozen emails like this
My last email was sent to my favorite work colleague ever
I interact with him multiple times a day

And as with any work colleague, you get to know one another
He totally understands my humor and totally hears my voice in email
He is teh one who usually figures out what I’m doing....then starts to play along
One of the things I have learned about him is he is a huge American football fan
I also recently learned he has taken to printing some of my emails and hanging them up on the refrigerator in the "break room"
Earlier today, I sent him an email with the following passage (we’re trying to wrap up and resolve a customer issue):

Well, it seems to me we have made All the Right Moves and provided him with enough options to choose from – now it’s up to him
But, I do believe this can wait until Monday; it’s getting late there and I don’t want you burning the Friday Night Lights
So how about we give it the weekend and come up with The Game Plan Monday?
Hopefully it won’t be Two for The Money of one cathode because the 675 hours it ran was well within the parameter of expected performance
Once we get “customer so and so” to realize that, maybe he’ll get with The Program and stop asking for The Replacements every 400 hours
Thanks again for all your help - your protection of The Blind Side relieved the pressure I was starting to feel from “so and so”
Have a good time with your Little Giants this weekend
Talk to you Monday
Until then, I remain Everybody’s Favorite All American,


Within five minutes, 
He responded:
You win
I’ve printed this and hung it up
This is definitely one of your top 5
And you are indeed my favorite American