Monday, January 29, 2018

We Recycle!

January 26, 2018

Email I sent to Lucy's Teacher Friday morning as there was a slight mishap in our house: 

Hi Ms Dabrieo -
Just wanted to let you know I'll be picking Lucy up after school today (bang on 2:40!) as she has karate
As a side note, I also feel compelled to tell you there is a slight chance my daughter may smell of beer
Please be assured and take comfort in knowing I was not drinking this morning
It has been years since I had a drink
As a matter of fact, it has been so long I actually can't recall the taste nor can I recall much of happened when I was drinking but I have good friends who have filled in many blanks for me and I can tell you, I had great fun
Lucy was not drinking either
Well, she had a shot of allergy medicine and shared a glass of milk with the cat but she knows to quit while she's ahead
And I'd blame Sean but he had already left for work
Sometimes I blame him anyway, one of the many gifts I give in our marriage to him
Instead, the culprit is a good deed
My daughter smells like beer because of a good deed
As usual, I was rushing around the kitchen making sure I had completed all my chores before we left for the day
The unnecessary task of taking stock of which Bad Guys and Stick Cat books we had on the shelf totally distracted me
I'm easily distracted when I have to do something I don't want to do
(which in this scenario was the simple act of leaving the house)
Next thing I know, we're seven minutes behind schedule
Lucy, as she has learned to do, quickly identified the manic frenzy I was on the verge of and decided to help by putting out the recycling which included a two beer cans
Again, not my cans and not from this morning
They were Sean's (see how easily I throw him under the bus)
But, he's pushing 50 and needs something to get through the night so who am I to judge
Anyway, Lucy was helping and scooped up the cans along with an empty Malteasers box (like Whoppers, only English, all me ), an empty raspberry container and some mail I just did not feel like dealing with
As she headed for the front door, I redirected her to the back door reminding her the bin was on the back deck
She re-routed herself
I suggested she put something down before she attempted to open the slider
But she is 8
Which means she does not listen to me
Or, she listens to me for the sake of ignoring me or telling me no, she can do it her way and it will work damn it!
It did not work, she could not open the slider with her arms full of recycling
Instead, she fumbled and the two beer cans which were not as empty or rinsed out as one would think, were jostled about and from the depths of said cans came that tablespoon of beer that you can never quite get out of the bottom of a can (which I why I only drank from a glass bottle or draft, I hate waste)
The beer sloshed onto her forearm, into her hair, across the side of her face and down the front of her top
As I mentioned, we were already running late so I quickly wet the dish towel, wiped off her arm, face and sweater and then cupped my hand under the faucet and threw a handful of water on her hair and re-brushed it
I did not do her any favors as the dish towel may or may not have smelled faintly of salsa and ground beef (which I had for dinner last night...leftovers from our Self Serve Saturday Supper which was, you guessed it, tacos)
So, to summarize:
I will pick up Lucy from school at 2:40, she will not be attending Project Learn
Lucy smells like beer because she was taking out the recycling and it spilled on her
I could have just sent you a two line email but I am also the person who has never been able to buy just toothpaste or tampons or soap at Target because I am afraid the cashier will think I did not brush my teeth, am not using anything while I have my period at that exact moment nor did I shower because I had no soap
So then I find myself telling the cashier I did brush my teeth today but I will probably run out of toothpaste in a day or two so I'm getting it now and no, I don't have my period yet but its coming next week which is also why I am crying and made sure you had candy in your aisle before I committed to your line and I did shower this morning but, I used the last of the soap so here I am!
Turns out cashiers really don't care
Now, I just buy $300 worth of stuff to hide the toothpaste, soap and tampons (well, no more tampons as I had my uterus shoved out my vagina last year but you see where I'm going with this)
Ok well, that should do it!
See you at pick up and thanks for not thinking my kid, or I, was drinking this morning!
Have a great day!

Friday, December 15, 2017

Middle School Sucks

November 28, 2017

One time, I wrote a post (or two) about the hard time Lucy was having at school
My friend Kaitlyn Arsenault sent me a message full of love, kind words and encouragement for Lucy and for me
Her oldest daughter is in middle school and just got hit in the face again with the middle school blues...and by blues I mean drama
Remember middle school folks?
Puberty starts to hit, the girls get meaner, the boys you used to play in the sandbox with become objects of your affection and the social ladder is as fierce as the bygone Social Register (a juggernaut in old New York social circles)
I wish I had words of wisdom for Bella and words of comfort for her Mom but I don't
I mean I have words, I always have words
I'm just not sure how much wisdom and comfort are in them
But I wrote this, Kaitlyn, to Bella in hopes of it making her laugh a little and realizing this rite of passage called middle school is something we have all gone through
And it sucks, and it is shitty (don't tell Bella I said shitty) but she will get through it and it will get better.......
Also, I apparently still have some built up angst about my Jr High and High School days so this has been good for me
Dear Bella:
Heard some kids at middle school are not being so cool
I believe the words I heard were nasty and mean - yuck!
Nasty and mean is like the worst combination ever
And if anyone knows bad combinations, it's me:
I eat peanut butter and pickle sandwiches which makes most people dry heave
I also like lemon curd on Triscuts
And ketchup in my mac and cheese
And I dump my Junior Mints in my popcorn at the movie theater
But nasty and mean - that is the worst combination ever
I'm sorry this is happening and that nasty and mean are already part of your world
I mean they should never be part of anyone's world but sadly, they are
When I was in 6th grade, three girls decided they no longer liked me
One of them had been my friend all through grade school and I never told a soul she still wet the bed in 4th grade
I also never told anyone she struggled with reading and math, I just helped her
The second girl moved to our town at the end of grade school
She lived with her Mum and her new step-dad
No one really talked to her at first because she had a funny Southern accent which the kids teased her about
I didn't tease her though, I liked her accent
So, I invited her to play with me at recess and come to my house after school
I even introduced to the other girl (the bed wetter)
The third girl, well, when I think about it, she was always mean
She may or may not have been born that way...bless her heart
They started making fun of me as soon as we started 6th grade about all kinds of things:
I was chubby and wore glasses
I wore high top Converse sneakers....even with my skirts
My hair was just plain old brown and I kept it cut short and did not curl it or wear bows or ribbons
I was lucky if I remembered to brush it
They made fun of me for coming from a big family (1 boy, 6 girls)
And because I did not have my own room or my own bike but had to share with two of my five sisters (the bike and the room)
They made fun of me because I was smart
And because I won the Science Fair and the Civic Oration speech contest
Because I was Student Council President and acted in the school plays
And I was a "teacher's pet"
Then they started playing jokes on me:
When I started my period, they found the pads in my bag, peeled off the strips and stuck them to the wall of the bathroom with my name written on them in red marker
Another time, they wrote a note from a boy I liked and put it in my bag
I thought it was from him and I wrote back
This went on for a few days
Then they hung the notes up in the bathroom
(in my day, the bathroom wall was social media)
They would have sleepovers then prank call my house or tell me on Monday how much fun they had without me
Once time, they showed up at my house and invited me outside to hang out
I was so excited
I thought things were finally turning around!
I rushed to change into what I thought was my coolest outfit... I was after all trying to make an impression
So I donned my grey Mickey Mouse T Shirt with a pair of black, orange and yellow checkered pants with suspender straps attached to the pants
Then, slipped on all my gummy bracelets and of course, my Chucks on my feet
(it was the 80s folks, please do not judge)
When I got outside, the first two girls held me down while girl number 3 pummeled me with punches
They never said a word, just grabbed me and started beating me up
I never wore that outfit again and I never told anyone about the mean stuff they did
I was ashamed and embarrassed
It still makes me sad to think about it
One time I tried to tell a teacher what they were doing and she was shocked to think these three girls would behave in such a manner
Two of them were, after all, cheerleaders and the third was a star athlete
And they were so popular with all the kids said the teacher
Are you sure you are not just being sensitive? Or are you maybe jealous of them...?
Sure, maybe I was jealous - who would not want to be thin and have gorgeous hair and the coolest clothes?
And, have a boyfriend who was in 8th grade while you were in 6th grade?!
But did my apparent jealousy make it ok for them to behave the way they did?
No, no it did not
Still doesn't
And sensitive?
We're all sensitive - getting made fun of or picked on or being the butt of a mean joke hurts everyone's feelings
That is not being sensitive - that is called having feelings
And it is alright to have feelings - you can't navigate this world without them
So I cried
I wrote in my diary
I listened to sad songs and talked to my posters of Tom Cruise (in my defense, this was before he got all creepy with Katie)
And in an attempt to make myself feel better, I made fun of a couple people like I was made fun of
But then I realized making fun of others felt worse then being made fun of
So I did what any young girl struggling with puberty and navigating the shitty (don't tell your Mom I said shitty to you)
rite of passage that is middle school does:
I ignored them as best I could and did my own damn thing
Took me some time to get there but I realized if I ignored the mean girls, kind of like I ignored one of my sisters when she was annoying me, they might eventually get bored with me and give up
So, I did stuff I liked and did not give a shit what they thought which included:
studying hard and getting good grades
Winning Civic Oration three years in a row
Placing at the Science Fair
Trying out for and making the basketball team ( I wasn't the most talented player but I knew the game and the plays better than anyone...including the star player who beat me up!)
Trying out and making the softball team and being pretty darn good (better than the star athlete who beat me up!)
I was in the school plays and on student council and loved every minute of it
I hung out with the school secretary and the teachers because they "got" me
And I always befriended the new kid because it sucks being the new kid
Also, I went out of my way to be nice to kids with glasses because nothing says hit me on the back of the head with a wadded up ball of paper and gum on the bus like wearing glasses
But here's the thing Bella, I made it, I got through it
I made it out of middle school and then high school despite all the drama and mean girls and pranks and bullying
Don't get me wrong.......it was not easy
There were still tears and hurt feelings and days where I just could not figure out what I was doing wrong to make these girls hate me
But then, all of a sudden, there were more days without tears and without my feelings being hurt then there were days with tears and hurt feelings
Not because they stopped being mean - once a mean girl, always a mean girl
But because because I stopped caring what they thought about me
Because I found people who liked me for me
They liked me for who and what I was:
a chubby eyeglass wearing over achiever who loved basketball and knew the game but couldn't play for shit but, was pretty stinking good at softball
I was a theater geek with no musical talent who still some how managed to land parts (including the lead!) in the school play
I got good grades and was active in Key Club and National Honor Society and Student Council
I could quote passages from movies, knew the lyrics to all the songs on the radio but, I could also quote poetry and the Great Gatsby and Greek Mythology
I had friends older than me, younger than me, richer than me and poorer than me
I was a wise ass who loved playing jokes on my friends (not mean jokes, jokes like hiding in the back seat of the car and then scaring the hell outta them.....or coloring their face with a marker when they fell asleep)
By the way, I am still pretty much that person today
But now I pay taxes, have a college degree, a job, a husband, a daughter and I can vote
Side note and PSA: Always vote Bella ! And always serve when you are called for Jury Duty - both are your civic duty, responsibility and right
I am surrounded my people who appreciate me and all my imperfections and flaws because they see the person I am deep down inside
They know I make mistakes and they forgive me
They know sometimes I pop off and speak before I think - but they appreciate I can admit I was wrong and gracefully accept my apology
They laugh at my self deprecation wit and humor but remind me
I'm better than I give myself credit for
And they accept and love my husband and daughter
They know Lucy's struggles and don't judge us for them but instead, love us even more fiercely
And, they don't mind Sean's weird British ways and accent
And those my dear are true friends
But back to middle school and high school
I found people who liked me for me
More importantly, I learned to like me for me
I mean I know I still got made fun of behind my back but, Bella, by then I stopped giving a fuck (don't tell your Mom I said fuck) and started enjoying the people who wanted to be a part of my life and stopped caring about the people whose life I wanted to be a part of...does that make sense?
*sigh*
Middle school sucks kiddo- I won't candy coat it - and sometimes high school will be worse
You will have shitty days
Your feelings will get hurt and you will cry
But you will be ok
Let your feelings get hurt
Cry if you need to
Be mad, be sad
Scream, yell, drop and 'eff bomb or two
Do whatever you have to do to get those emotions out
But I promise you this Bella - you will be ok!
I know this because you are surrounded by an incredible large and loving family
Your Mum and Dad, your sisters, your extended family - they will be your anchors, your North Star
Never lose sight of them
And never forget their love for you is unconditional
No matter how mad you get at your sisters (or they at you) no matter how annoying you may one day find your parents to be, they will always be there for you
Stay tight with The Father The Son and The Holy Ghost - - in your darkest hours, they too will be there for you and are always just a prayer away
And know that there are people out there, like me, rooting for you
They probably swear less than I do and are far more appropriate in their word choice than I am but still, I'm in your corner
I can't do anything to help you Bella
You have to do it - and I know you can and will
But I can acknowledge your feelings and I can give you words of comfort and encouragement .... and let you know I'm cheering for you, praying for you and hoping for you
And Bella, I want you to know I am doing my best as a parent to raise my daughter to be nice, to choose kind, to be respectful and to be the kind of friend she wants to have
I think if more of us could be kind, be respectful and be the kind of friend we want to have, the world, and middle school, would be a better place
I also think we should have ice cream sundae bar on the school menu once a month at lunch time because ice cream always makes everyone happy .... so take what I say with a grain of salt!
Hang in there kiddo
You will be ok.....It gets better......
Just keep being you ...
With love and hugs and girl power galore,
Maria

Yankees Fans

November 21, 2017

Lucy is painfully shy at times
Forcing her to kiss/hug someone or into a conversation she has not initiated is pure torture for her
I don't make her do either
I firmly believe her body, her rules, her voice, her choice
So don't be offended
Sometimes, when she does try to initiate or engage in conversation, she overcompensates and it comes off as her begin disrespectful or fresh
She's not trying to be fresh or sassy
Instead, that's social anxiety and nerves manifesting itself in the only way it knows how
Her Dad and I suffer from that same affliction - you should see the two of us at a party
But she's trying
And sometimes, she amazes, astounds and surprises me
Like when she engages a clerk in a store about what we are buying and why
Or when she sees a PTO Mum and throws her arms around her for a hug
Then there was the time an older woman said to Lucy
My goodness! You look just like your Mum!
And Lucy replied, without hesitation and a straight face,
Huh, that's weird, I'm adopted
And then a couple weeks ago, Luce and I were at LL Bean in Freeport
An employee was assisting us in picking up an on line order I had placed
As we walked through the store to the customer service desk, we passed the Trout Pond in the middle of the store
Lucy informed the employee she felt badly for the trout living in the pond
The woman (her name escapes me but she was super efficient and friendly) assured Lucy the trout were well taken care of
As a matter of fact, she explained, the trout are raised here on site in the smaller display tank just across from customer service and then moved to the big pond
And no one fishes in the pond - so they live a full life!
Sure, says Lucy, but I'm worried about the coins people throw in there even though there are signs everywhere which clearly say DO NOT THROW COINS IN THE POND!
I mean what if the fish gets hit by one? Especially if its a New Yorker throwing one down from the top of the stair case because you know someone from New York would do that!!!!
And what about the coins on the bottom on the pond, what if the fish accidentally eat them?!
Lucy listed at least three other concerns she had for the fish including food, sun and water temperature
The woman graciously answered all Lucy's question and assured Lucy the fish were well taken care of
Then she asked Lucy why she thought it would be New Yorkers throwing coins from the top
Lucy looked her square in the eye and with a shrug of her shoulders, a twist of her mouth and a tone of defeat and disbelief replied
Because they are Yankees fans, it's just what they do....

Worms

October 25, 2017

I walked into the office this morning,
Dropped my bags on my chair,
Flipped on my computer,
And went straight into Eric's office to talk to him as we had pressing matters to discuss (and by that I mean the Office Christmas Party)
15 minutes later, I came back into my office
To find a worm
On the floor
In my office
A worm
I'm not even kidding you
The thing was like 5 feet long (maybe inches)
So I took a picture because how the hell does a worm end up in your office
Look at it!
It blends right in with the carpet!
So, I grabbed a tissue, picked up the worm by one of its ends, held my arm out in front of me in case said worm decided to rear its ugly head (or ass depending on which end I was actually holding) and attack my face
I then dropped said worm which made me jump a little and I spilled my coffee
I left the overturned coffee cup and coffee running off my desk and picked the worm back up by it's ass (or face, who can really tell)
By now, it, the worm, had extended itself to it's full 10 feet and I'm pretty sure I saw teeth
I again held my arm out in front of me and threw open the interior office door which opens into a little vestibule
I was three steps away from releasing the beast back into the wild when I again dropped the worm
This time on my foot
I was not barefoot
I have my comfort clogs on, it's raining here today
But I reacted like I was barefoot
And flung the worm off my shoe and into the wall
I scooped up the worm yet again and held it as far away from me as possible with my left hand
I pushed the door open with my foot
At the same time, Gary, or was it Brian, who is trying to sell us a forklift, was reaching to open the door and my left arm/hand slammed into his chest and I dropped the worm
Not on Gary/Brian's foot but onto his extended arm
He did not notice
Morning! he said as brightly as he could after having been narrowly clothes lined by me
Howareya?!?
You have a worm, I said, on your arm..I found it on my office floor
He looked down at the worm curled up in a fetal like position on his still extended arm holding the door open
Oh! So I do! he says, wait, you found it where?
In my office, on the floor...
He cocked his head to the side
I know right?! I said....so weird....I mean he was just slithering along on my office floor....like right near my desk....I have no idea how he got there...unless he hitched a ride on me when I walked in from the car....wait...do I have worms crawling on me....do I?!?......DO I HAVE ANY WORMS ON ME?!?!
It was then I started spinning around and scratching myself and rubbing my head looking for worms possibly nesting in my hair
Gary/Brian calmly flung the worm off his arm and bravely reached over to pat my shoulder assuring me there were in fact no worms on me
I did not believe him so I made a co-worker double check
No worms on me
But ten minutes later, I noticed a second worm just outside my office door
He had clearly been stepped on
He was all squished and there were worm guts on the floor
Still, no worms on me .... I think

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The little Things

October 12, 2017

Today, I forgot to put Lucy's lunch in her backpack
Sean forgot to pick her up
But she could have cared less
Nachos were being served for lunch and she got extra time at Project Learn
Plus, her new group project in class is researching the state of Rhode Island
Lucy was pretty proud as she rattled off Rhode Island's state symbols: the state flower (violet), the state tree (red maple), the state bird (red chicken) and the nickname of the state (The Ocean State)
Also, and this is a big one folks because she has been scared shitless about multiplication, she learned what 8 x 4 is (32)
She told me today, she actually is starting to feel smarter...you know, like 3rd grade smart....
It's the little things people....

Let's Play the Family Feud

Inspired by a Facebook meme

October 5, 2017

Because we all need a laugh....and because I'm not going to lie, I am borderline cranky and the best thing I can do for Sean right now is find something to occupy myself
Let’s play family feud! You CANNOT use my answers. Your answers must be different.
Alright, lets see who’s going to follow directions.
1.Something you use in the shower?
Practical answer would be soap, I personally use the awesome acoustics of the shower to project my singing voice
2.Something people hate to find on their car?
One time I found a container in my car that was full of oranges...why would one hate that you ask?
Because when I popped the lid, I dry heaved which caused me to dramatically toss the container to the side which meant the rotten oranges, and the juice, spilled all over the passenger seat of my car
Took me days to get that smell out of my car
But that is not what I would hate to find in my car
I would truly hate to find someone in the backseat of my car...someone who should not be there....
3.Something a man might buy before a date?
Most of us would say condoms, possibly flowers.
One time, I went out with this guy who told me he was late meeting me because he had to stop and pick up anti fungal cream...for his Mom.
I should have been touched he takes such good care of his mom...but turned out she was with him
4.Something you cook in the microwave?
A potato
But if you have a bar of ivory soap, toss that in there for a couple minutes, super cool results
5. A reason a younger man might like an older woman?
One of my former co-workers son's had a crush on me
My co-worker told me it was because his son liked talking to and being challenged by me
I did not have the heart to tell him I was buying his kid beer
6. An item found in an old man's wallet?
I feel like if I went in my Dad's wallet, not that he's an old man or anything and not that I would ever go through his wallet, but I feel like if I did, I'd potentially find a post it note stuck to his debit card with his pin number on it....
Or a post it note with his home address
(just kidding Dad - I love you man!)
7. Something a dog does that embarrasses the owners?
Uncle Michael had this dog Pepper that used to hump everything and everyone - it was the worst
But my neighbor has a dog who, I shit you not, pees whilst standing on his front legs and walking
Things is, if you happen to be walking by, or sitting where he happens to walk by, chances are, you're going to get peed on
8. A kind of test you cannot study for?
Pamela Muise Griffin already took the awesome answer of pregnancy test so I can't use that...so in that same vein, I say blood test (see what I did there!?!)
9. A phrase with heart in it?
First thing that popped into my head was Quarterflash and their rock ballad Harden my Heart
Remember that one?
I'm gonna harden my heart, I'm gonna swallow my tears, I'm gonna turn and leave you here...
Go ahead, google it because no one really remembers Quarterflash.....
So I'll just say Heart of Gold, final answer
10. Sport where you might lose a tooth?
Hockey is uber obvious and Pam said skiiing because I'm guessing the person before her said hockey so I'll say street fighting because I'm pretty confident that is a sport now
Also, I somehow feel bad ass talking smack about street fighting...not that I'm really talking about it let alone talking smack about it but the fact that I would throw down street fighting at all is entertaining to me
I mean I quoted Quarterflash from memory for goodness sake...is street fighting something you really think I'd know about?!?
11. Something a teacher can do to ruin your day?
Pop quiz hot shot....pop quizzes always ruined my day
Also, I always hated it when the teacher moved our seats around...
Mostly because I always chose the seat closest to the teacher's desk because, and I know this will shock you, I was a teacher's pet...mostly because the other kids did not really like me.....I was a bit of an over achiever
But my teachers liked me....or they may have just felt badly for me
12. A fruit that isn't round?
Banana.....no narrative on this one, just banana
13. A bird you wouldn't want to eat?
Toucan Sam....that would totally ruin Fruit Loops for me
14. Something that gets smaller the more you use it?
I was stumped on this one because Pam answered soap and that's all I could think of
So I asked Sean who is sitting across the table from me - he said soap
If I were a deer, I could say salt lick
And if I were a horse I could say a bale of hay
But then again, I suppose I could be a hunter and say salt lick or a farmer and say bale of hay
Also, I just realized a roll of tape gets smaller as you use it
And so does my bank account every time I use my debit card
15. Name 3 people that might participate?
Donna Vitiello DovidioTeresa Demaso Scott and maybe De Keimach
Don't share, copy and paste and change the answers. Have fun!

The Call is Coming from Inside the House!

October 4, 2017

My mother's house is spotless
Always has been, always will be
When we were growing up, the bathroom was cleaned daily
Usually twice, once in the morning and again in the evening
Towels are not used twice without a washing in between
And yes, I said The Bathroom as in one full bathroom for seven kids and two adults
The floors were vacuumed minutes after you walked across it
I am not sure that vacuum cleaner was ever put away
If you need a new vacuum cleaner, consult Loretta; I’m pretty sure she invented the Dyson
There were always fresh sheets and plump pillows on the beds
The second you got out of bed, it was made before you could turn back around and climb into it for five extra minutes of sleep
Mum was that fast
And she could pull those sheets so tightly and make such perfect corners that you could in fact bounce a quarter on the bed…right off the bed into a red solo cup
With one flick of her wrists, Mum could, and I’m pretty sure still can, snap a flat sheet into place so fast and so smoothly it does not even have to be readjusted – and we had bunk beds
No matter how dirty or stained our clothes were when we threw them in the laundry, they were crisper and cleaner after my mother washed them
To this day, she can get out any stain on any article of clothing regardless of how old the stain is
I remember the kitchen table being piled high with clean, folded clothes
The Gap had nothing on the way Loretta could organize and fold clothes
Each pile was separated by child and each section separated by what room it would go into
The ironing board was a fixture in the kitchen and when not in use doubled as counter space
And you’ve never seen anyone fold a fitted sheet the way my mother folds a fitted sheet
I swear to God she can do it one handed
By the time she is done, the fitted sheet is as flat as the flat sheet; you can’t tell the difference
She has the most organized linen closets you will ever see in your life
Real Simple magazine, Martha Stewart, Japanese decluttering fad, you all pale in comparison to my mother
Even with seven children, that house was so clean you could eat off the floors
I did not inherit this gene or these abilities
My house is picked up, but certainly not clean
I hate vacuuming
I like to think of dust as nature’s blanket of love – so there is a lot of love in our house
There’s a shoe rack right by the front door
I mean literally right where I take my shoes off, Sean placed the shoe rack in hopes of getting me to pick up/hang up my shoes
It has yet to work
The other night, I folded four baskets of laundry
It took me two hours
And the only reason I folded the laundry was Lucy complained she ran out of underwear
I had I emptied the clothes from the dryer two days ago but left the baskets sitting in the basement because I could not be bothered
Then I moved the baskets to the first floor hoping someone else would fold them (Doby perhaps?)
But then Lucy ran out of underwear – my bluff had been called
And watching me fold a fitted sheet is like watching someone wrestle a pig
By the time I’m done, it looks like I just out stretched my arm and twirled the sheet around it then tossed it on the ground and steppe don it to flatten it out
My idea of ironing is throwing a wet washcloth in the dryer with the shirts
And make the bed?!?
I NEVER MAKE THE BED
Making the bed is the worst
You know how I knew I was going to marry Sean?
When I realized he makes the bed
Every day
Also, he vacuums – so it is a win-win for me
In April of this year, Sean suggested we get a cleaning lady
Not just because I’m lazy but also because April was an exceptionally busy month for us and the month in which I was feeling my worst with the whole period lasting for three weeks/getting a hysterectomy thing
So, knowing how busy April was (and that we’d be entertaining three good-sized gatherings) and that I would then be out of commission the month of May and probably June, we hired a cleaning lady
At first, I felt funny about it
I mean our house is small, I should be able to take care of it
But in April and May, we needed and appreciated the help….everything was falling to Sean when it came to day to day stuff and taking care of Lucy so having someone come in and help with the house was a huge help
Come July, we decided to have her keep coming
One because she is super nice
Two because our house looks awesome
And three because when she comes, she ties the toilet paper into really cool flower shapes
Also, I like to think it is motivation for me to keep the house looking a bit more kept until her next visit
For example, this morning, I made the bed
Sean is in Pittsburgh this week, he left Monday, which means, Sunday was the last day our bed was made
But, our cleaning lady was here yesterday and I had her make our bed and Lucy’s bed
So, this morning, when I awoke, I felt motivated to keep the house looking good
So, I made the bed
Just our bed…because while Sean is away, Lucy usually finds her way into our bed (mostly because when I put her to bed, that’s where I put her) so technically, there was only one bed to make…which was also why I was willing to make the bed
Anyway, I made the bed
This morning, while I was brushing my teeth, Lucy burst into the bathroom and breathlessly yelled
Mumma! I think there’s someone in the house!!!
I froze for a split second not sure how to react
And calculating the possibility of how likely it was someone was in the house
Luce, there is no one in the house
Mumma! There is too!!!
I spit, rinsed and calmly asked
Honey! What makes you think someone is in the house?
She grabbed my hand and dragged me to my bedroom
Look!!! She pointed dramatically with a look of “fear” masked in a smirk
Someone made the bed!!!! THERE IS SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE!! How else did the bed get made?!?!?
By now, she was collapsed in a fit of giggles and then a full blown belly laugh
Get it Mumma?!?!
Yeah yeah, I get it pal…..hahaha….super funny
She giggled for the next ten minutes