Friday, January 13, 2017

Ziggy got in trouble

Lucy worked really hard on her thank you notes this year
She wrote each of them on her own with little or no help
They were sent out in waves, spelling and grammatical errors in tact because she was hell bent on doing them her way and on her own
Last night, she finished up the last of the notes
She left them on the table, as instructed, so I could mail them today
This morning, as Lucy sat at the table eating breakfast and I was in the kitchen making lunches, Ziggy, our 18 lb Wonder Cat, Lucy's best friend and sometimes arch enemy, hopped up on the table and knocked over an open bottle of water soaking said pile of thank you notes and my planner book
I heard Lucy yell Ziggy NOOOOO!! and the water bottle hitting the floor
Then she yelled I can't believe you just did that young man!
Lucy grabbed a ShamWow and I snatched up the thank you notes
By the way, it is worth noting I made fun of Sean when he bought these as seen on TV ShamWows but turns out, best investment ever especially if you have kids
I now give this as a standard baby shower gift
Not as shitty of a gift as you think because someday, when you are ankle deep in spilled milk/water/bodily fluid, you'll thank me
As Lucy mopped up the mess on the table and floor, I franticallyripped the thank you notes out of the envelopes in hopes of saving them
The envelopes were a loss but the note cards were safe
But, my Planner/Datebook totally took one for the Team
I am distraught and at a loss
I also feel like I should be somewhere but I don't know where because my 2 Year Appointment calendar is soaked
But I digress and this is not about me
As Lucy mopped up the mess, I shooed the cat out of the kitchen towards the the front door
Lucy followed me and scolded Ziggy as she waggled her finger at him:
Go get some fresh air and think about what you did Mister!
She opened the door and Zigs scooted out
Lucy turned to me with her arms bent at the elbows, palms facing upward and shoulders shrugging as she says Mumma! I do not know what has gotten in to this cat!
First, he's been tearing up the floors
(he has, for a few weeks now just been tearing at the rugs and carpet like nobody's business...we have the snags and rips to prove it)
Then he started this meowing at us all the time
(also true),
He's been knocking stuff off the table
(this kid is really on a roll/rant)
And let's not even talk about the other day when he took that swipe at me for no reason
(true story, he did do this, so upsetting for her)
And now this!
He's is gonna go back to the kitty farm if he does not knock it off!
(the kitty farm being the shelter we adopted him from)
Maybe he does have cabin fever but this is getting ridiculous!
I'm gonna have a talk with him!
She turned on her heel and headed back to the door
Ziggy was sitting on the front stoop following her every move with his head
As Lucy approached the door, he meowed, big and loud
Lucy shushed him as she propped open the door and knelt down in front of him
Ziggy! Lucy said in a stern tone
I do not know what has gotten into you!
But you have to stop being such a little brat!
Ziggy meowed
Lucy sighed, started petting his head and softened her tone
Is it because you have to eat skinny boy food now (Ziggy's on new diet food from the vet)?
You know that's because we love you and we want you to live for a long time...
She dropped her voice to a murmur and cupped his little face with her hand
I know its hard Ziggy Boy, but you have to stop
You can't just go around being a jerk
And I worked really hard on those notes!
Ziggy meowed
Ok Ziggy Boy, I forgive you
She put her head down and as they do, gently head butted each other
Lucy stood up and walked back to the table where I was now staring at my planner in disbelief and annoyance
Well, I think his behavior will improve, I had a talk with him
Great Luce, thanks for talking to him
Yeah, I just made it clear he needs to stop being a little brat or he's going back to the kitty farm I mean if I can't be a jerk, neither can he
Oh ok well, thanks again pal
Sure ....sorry about your book Mumma
Ahh, that's okay pal, at least we saved your thank you cards...
Yep, lucky for Ziggy we saved my thank you cards.....but he better watch his step....
And this is why I sleep with one eye open people.............

Dear Mary

Lucy just finished the last of her Christmas thank you notes
Then she asked if she should write one for Mary
Mary who I asked
Mary! Mumma! Mary!
I looked at her blankly while scanning the mental list I had made of gifts she received (as I lost the paper list last week)
Honey, what did Mary give you?
As I asked her that question, I was still not 100% sure who Mary was
Seriously Mumma? Mary gave us Christmas
I stared at her still unsure of who the hell Mary was and what she gave us or how she gave us Christmas
My old land lord? Her name is Mary...but we did not make it down there this year
Does she mean Aunt Marie who sent us a centerpiece? Because when the centerpiece arrived, I declared it was officially Christmas as I set it on the table between the two ceramic snowmen Aunt Marie made at least 20 years ago......because its officially Christmas in my house when the ceramic tree, wreath and snowmen Aunt Marie made get set out
What did Mary give you Luce? I can't remember
Seriously Mumma! she says in that tone that tells me I am about to be set straight and most likely deserve it
Yes honey, I can't remember
Mary! MARY! she declares with her hands in the air
Mary who had Baby Jesus!
We should tell her thank you because if she did not have Baby Jesus, there would be no birthday to even celebrate!
And if there is no birthday to celebrate, there is no reason for Santa to bring us gifts!
So Mary gave us Christmas....and I for one am pretty thankful Mumma.....and not just because of the gifts, I mean I actually really love Jesus.....I bet we could have been friends...me and Jesus...if we were, I would totally take him to Buddy Week at Karate....
I grew her you guys.....we totally made her....

Monday, January 9, 2017

The New Rules

Lucy was in day care as an infant/toddler/pre schooler
When Lucy got to DayCare, she, and we learned The Rules
They included, but were not limited to, some variation of the following:
Be kind!
Share!
Hands to yourself!
Walking Feet!
Inside voice!
Listening ears!
Have fun!
Laugh!
Be a good friend!
And everything was always about friends...
Be kind to your friends
Share with your friends
Have fun with your friends!
Or some variation thereof
We thought The Rules were brilliant!
We figured Lucy would have no problem following them and were convinced The Rules made the world a better place
And just to make sure, we adopted The Rules in our own home
I even wrote them out on big sheets of paper and decorated them with stickers and glitter and flowers and hung them up at Lucy level so she could see them
We even added a few rules of our own
I was so proud of our progressive and organic parenting
I wish I could say it worked
By the time Lucy was three, she sort of adopted this fuck The Rules attitude
That attitude reached its peak shortly after her 4th birthday and raged for about 2 solid years
Try as we might, we could never quite get her to come around to following The Rules
Don't get me wrong, she's a great kid
I love her with all my heart and soul
But she is not a rule following kind of kid
She will not bend to anyone's will but her own
And even then, I've seen her fight with herself
I consoled myself by saying when she is in her 20s and 30s, this behavior could serve her well
But as a 4, 5 and 6 year old, this behavior, it really friggin sucked
It was the worst
And we clearly had failed miserably at progressive and organic parenting
Reports from day care would usually go like this:
Lucy had a pretty good day, until she hit/punched one of her friends
Lucy was really loud today; does she maybe have an ear ache?
Lucy was very upset with her friends today; did she maybe have a tough night sleeping?
Bless their hearts
See how they would ever so gently try to cushion the blow
And when Lucy had a good day, they would make such a HUGE deal out of it
It was always a bright spot when she had one of those days
And just when we'd think she was coming around....when she'd have two good days in a row that turned into three that turned into four
BAM
Lucy would decide she was tired of following The Rules
Lucy thought the rules were silly
And that there were too many of them
She told me that the same day she informed me everybody (at school/day care) was not her friend and why did every keep telling her they were
And we'd be back to trying to figure out how to balance this strong willed spirited little girl with The Rules, her classmates and her parents
The staff at day care was amazing though
And they were with us and Lucy every step of the way
I do not know where we would be without the love and guidance of so many of them
By the time Lucy got to first grade, she was at her worst
I do believe her first grade teacher caught the brunt of it
That was a terrible year
We cried
We fought
We laughed
We yelled
We loved
We swore
We thought it would never get better
We begged and bribed
We tried incentives
We tried taking things away
We cried some more
Fought again
Loved as hard and as much as we could
We swore some more
We read books
We prayed
We laughed again while swearing and crying and fighting all at the same time
It was exhausting
And we wondered if we'd make it - as a couple, as a family, as parents
But we were surrounded by these teachers and staff, first at day care and then at her grade school, who were so supportive and loving
And we had friends and family who though at times were probably scared shitless of the outbursts they witnessed, stuck by us and by Lucy
Lucy's first grade teacher never gave up her
Even when Lucy was at her worst, her teacher would find no less than three wonderful things to say to our daughter on a daily basis
And every day, no matter what Lucy's attitude or behavior was, her teacher never gave up on her
And now her second grade teacher is just as supportive of her (and of us)
And so is the social adjustment counselor and her therapist
Lucy has so many people rooting for her
And its working
She's come so far since last year that it is almost overwhelming
We're so terribly proud of her....and I'm not gonna lie, relieved
Last year, I started putting notes in Lucy's lunchbox every day
She's saved all of them in a shoe box
I end every note the same way:
Have a good day
Don't be a jerk
Do your best
And have fun
Those are The New Rules
4 simple rules.....though number 2 is a pretty weighty one and means so much more than what one would think
And our little strong willed spirited lady is doing her best to not be a jerk
And we're all having way more fun and better days because of it
She's our best girl we love her the most and could not be more proud of her

Three Minutes

Dear Mama Kat

I've not linked up with you for some time

It was not you; it was me 

Actually, I thought it was you as I was not getting your prompts via email as you promised I would but the then I figured out my email was throwing you in my Junk folder

So how about we just say it was both of us and move on before this turns into a Lifetime movie with Rosie O'Donnell playing me and Katie Holmes playing you?

I checked out your prompts this week:

Share 2017 New year's Resolutions 
Word of the Year 
How did I spend New Year's is that an indication of the year to come
Top 12 posts fro 2016
Top 12 photos from 2016
What was I blogging about a year ago 

Sadly, none struck my fancy 

I'm over resolutions as I know I have no follow through so I figure why set myself up for failure
The last time I tried to pick a word of the year it ended up being rainbow….
I did not write enough in 2016 to have 12 posts to choose from
I’m hopeless at taking photos…unless you change the prompt to share your 12 Best Blurry Photos
And one year ago, I was not blogging at all

But I really wanted to get back on your good side Mama Kat

So I nipped over to your Writing Prompt tab to see if you could get my creative juices flowing and started clicking on the Get Your Inspiration On button 

The more I clicked, the more inspired I got 

First, there was What do you like about your job 

And I thought of this post I wrote about my new job a few weeks ago 

Then there was "The First Day of _____________"

Naturally school popped into my head and I thought back to Lucy’s first day of 2ndgrade this past September
I thought we were having a moment, she was just trying not to fart 

Then there was Share an Embarrassing Moment and I knew you, Mama Kat, of all people would appreciate my New Rock Bottom

But I did not just want to recycle a post

I thought I should write you a new one…I mean I sort of owe you at least that right?

So I kept clicking

What are you paranoid about?
Now if you know me, you know there is nothing I love more than a list
And when I make a list, I don’t just make a list
I mean if I just listed a bunch of things, you’d think I was not really putting much effort into it because it would just be….a list

Like this:

What am I paranoid about?
1.       Death
2.       Famine
3.       Drowning
4.       The Kardashians will keep multiplying
5.       Heights, specifically falling from a great height
6.       Losing my job
7.       Sean losing his job
8.       Snake
9.       Spiders
10.   The Apocalypse

I mean where’s the fun in that?

But when I make a list, it’s a list like this:

The top 10 Things I am Paranoid About

Sundries
I can’t go to Target and buy just one thing – like toothpaste, tampons, deodorant, soap, shampoo, or toilet paper

If I do, I am afraid the cashier will think I either did not brush my tooth, need a tampon at that moment in time, am not wearing deodorant, did not shower (thereby left the house without washing my hair and body) or did not wipe myself and therefore, I smell

So instead of buying just what I need, and to avoid getting so nervous I am explaining to a cashier who could probably give two shits that I did in fact brush my teeth/bathe/administered proper hygiene to my body including wiping myself and I am just running low on all supplies and no, I’ve not started my period but any day now, I buy $200 worth of stuff to cover up the fact that I will run out of toothpaste in a week

True story and this has all happened
There are Target cashiers from Illinois to Maine who know way too much about me including my cycle

Air Travel
When I fly, I am always paranoid about going through security

The TSA agents and the metal detector scare the hell out of me

I think I am so paranoid about getting thought security and being mistaken for a terrorist I may actually start looking like a terrorist

I make too much small talk and my eyes dart around nervously
I mean I could not look anymore guilty if I tried

All because I am paranoid of setting off the metal detector or answering a TSA agent’s question incorrectly

So needless to say, I hate air travel

I am also always paranoid I’ll get on the wrong plane

Which I am fairly sure no one would let happen but if it does happen, it will happen to me and I’ll end up in the one country where no one speaks English

The I’ll be mistaken for some sort of spy, become a prisoner and be sentenced to a labor camp

And I am not strong enough to break rocks with a hammer so then I’ll get beaten because I can’t keep up and no one will know where I am all because I wore an underwire bar and was so nervous about the metal detector, and not looking like a terrorist, I got on wrong plane

But then I thought do I really want to unload my weird irrational paranoia on people on a Monday?

That’s more like a Wednesday afternoon thing

So I clicked again and saw

Ten Things I can do in Three Minutes

This should make me sound a little less crazy….

So here goes


The Prompt:

Ten Things I can do in Three Minutes

1. It takes me roughly three minutes to get dressed every morning

One of the good things about being me is I have zero fashion sense

Which means if you look closely at the clothes in my closet, you’ll realize I own the same 5 sweaters, 5 pairs or pants, 5 blouses and multiple skirts in 4-6 different colors

My closet is like Garanimals ……. everything matches and is interchangeable

My bra is either nude or black, same for my undies so no time lost here either

My socks are the only thing that may slow me down in the morning
I love my socks and I like to take my time deciding if it’s a penguins or moose or cats or polka dots or snowmen or stripes or stars on your socks kind of day

2. It takes me less than three minutes to know what kind of day Lucy is going to have when   she wakes up

I like to think it’s because she and I are so in tune….

In reality, it’s because when this child opens her eyes and her feet hit the floor, she already knows what kind of day she is going to have and she’ll let me know it

I take the next three minutes to decide of I should try to change her course or let her go – usually I let her go

3. I spend three minutes each morning writing a note for Lucy’s lunchbox

I know it takes me three minutes because I poured my coffee eight minutes before that then
I put Lucy’s breakfast on the table, packed her lunch, told Lucy to put down the book and eat breakfast, shooed the cat off the table and out of Lucy’s breakfast, packed her snack bag
told Lucy again to put down the book and eat breakfast

And by then, my coffee has cooled own enough that I can drink it in three gulps while I write said note to Lucy and told Lucy, for the last time, please to put down the book and eat breakfast

4. In three minutes, I can throw together a batch of brownies from a box 
I am not proud they come from a box but sometimes, a working mom’s gotta do what a working mom’s gotta do

And sometimes, your favorite kid wants brownies ASAP

And sometimes, you forget until the last minute that company is coming and you have nothing to put out for dessert

5. In three minutes I can cut up a block of cheese and toss it on a plate with crackers and pepperoni for company who shows up unannounced but is always welcome

6. The other day, I sat down to write Christmas thank you notes and timed myself…not on purpose but I had something in the oven for 15 and I had four notes to write

So I decided to challenge myself to see if I could get all 4 written and in envelopes before the timer went off

It took me three minutes per note to write and then 3 minutes to address all 4 envelopes (return address and recipient address)

I slapped the last stamp on the final note when the timer started beeping

I’m not convinced the notes are legible but they are heartfelt

7. When I was a kid in grade school, we used to have speed test every Friday

The teacher would pass out a sheet with 100 addition and or subtraction problems on it and we had to see how many we could answer correctly in one minute

I just found one on line and did it for three minutes

Turns out, I can answer 182 simple addition and subtraction questions correctly in 3 minutes...I am not sure if that’s good bad or indifferent but I can tell you it raised my stress level and my heart is till beating pretty fast

8. In the same vein as above, I decided to do a multiplication one as well

Turns out, I do not know my times tables at all

I completed a mere 55 in three minutes (correctly)

I’d pretend to be embarrassed but please, I’ve done worse in front of way more people than this

I then decided to also see how many division problems I could do in three minutes…that was 90

So I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with my brain

9. I can watch a movie trailer in 3 minutes or less

Not because I am a genius but because the studios have graciously kept most movie trailers under three minutes or less

But I’ll tell you what, on our Apple TV we have this trailers app (at least I think it’s an app) and before I know it, I have spent an hour watching trailers… do you have any idea how many trailers that is? 

20 trailers people! 
20......I can lose hours at a time watching movie trailers…never mind three minutes for one
     
10.   It took me three minutes to figure out I was pregnant with Lucy

We were living in Medford and I had walked up the street with Sean to his guitar lessen

I was particularly cranky on the short walk and Sean commented on what a twit I was being

And I was being a total twit – and I knew it
But it was because I did not feel well
It never occurred to me I was pregnant
Mostly because my doctor had warned us to be cautiously optimistic about even getting pregnant let alone carrying to term

But on this particular day, Sean said something to me about my hormones being out of whack – that was when I realized I could not remember the last time I had my period

So I walked down to CVS and bought two tests

 That night, as we were getting ready for bed, I peed on a stick

I brushed my teeth and washed my face while Sean was getting settled in bed

It took me two minutes to brush my teeth and a minute to wash my face

And then I looked down at the stick perched on the back of the toilet

The was a big old pink plus sign

I swear it was smiling at me

And my whole world, our whole world, was instantly changed….in three minutes…..

Those were three awesome minutes….

Good to be back Mama Kat!