Friday, July 30, 2010

7,8 or 9

A few weeks ago, I was conducting interviews for an open position we have here at work. It was for a Part Time Administrative Assistant to work in our Service Department. I received over 350+ resumes and we brought in ten for interviews

I was just going through my emails looking for something when I stumbled across this email I sent my boss in regards to how the interviewing was going at the time...thought it might make someone out there chuckle....and feel my pain


From: Maria Sykes
Sent: Friday, July 09, 2010 12:04 PM
To: Removed to protect his privacy
Subject: Clearly my skills at screening resumes are rusty at best

I’ve been doing interviews all morning (and 4 more to go)
Thought you’d appreciate the exchange below - the interview lasted less than 15 minutes
I can’t make this shit up

Me What do you look for in a job
Applicant Someplace I can do a job

Me How would you describe your personality?
Applicant I don’t know…7, 8 or 9

Me In your last position, you processed POs
Applicant I did?
Me It’s listed on your resume….
Applicant Oh
Me Didn’t you process purchase orders?
Applicant Oh, yeah, purchase orders, not POs
Me Ok, umm, what software did you use for that? (I don’t even know why I asked this, I was desperate to make conversation)
Applicant Uhmm, I don’t really remember. I don’t even really remember doing them
Me But it’s the first thing listed on your resume
Applicant Yep. I called to confirm pricing

Me On a scale of 1-10, 1 being the lowest, 10 the highest, what is your level of comfort with Excel
Applicant What do you mean?
Me You listed Excel on your resume as a skill
Applicant Yep
Me What is your level of comfort with it?
Applicant Opening it? A 7
Me Ok well, what about creating a spreadsheet or using a spreadsheet?
Applicant Uh, yeah, not really…so probably like a 5

Me Ok well, thanks for coming in, we’ll be in touch next week to let you know
Applicant Oh great, can I get $25 an hour?
Me Uh, we were not planning on paying that much
Applicant Ok well I’ll take $12 an hour and health insurance
Me Ok well, we’ll be in touch, nice meeting you and thanks for coming in

Elmo, the Mum (not how I signed my email, just my blog)

Thursday, July 29, 2010

A Couple More Things....

Lucy got her first haircut a few weeks ago. She sported a bit of a mullet for the first week or so but it has grown in quite nicely. Yes, we saved her first curl, slipped it in the little keepsake tin Mrs Brier gave’s so blonde and soft...the hair not the tin

Remember when you were a kid and you would do a karate chop and yell HIIIIYYAAA at the top of your lungs? Well, I accidentally taught Lucy how to do that -not the brightest move given she went through that head butting/class bully phase. But it’s pretty funny watching her wander around the house yelling HIIIIIYYAAA while doing a little chop in the air.

We also taught her to say woooaahh….scary thing is, she actually uses it in context. She busted out with it this morning while we were watching the news and they were showing pictures of the great whites spotted off the Cape…..the sharks were stalking some seals and the aerial shot showed the shadow of the shark in the water. Lucy points at the TV and says woooahhh!

Lucy has also started making this noise that sounds like ROW ROW ROW ROW…she says it over and over again so we starting singing Row Row Row your boat gently down the stream Merrily Merrily Merrily Merrily life is but a dream….which makes her laugh and clap.

This morning, Sean informed that she has been trying to say the word school….which as we all know is much easier to say than Mummy. She sits in her car seat and as they get closer to Puddle Duck, she starts chattering in a vain attempt to say, what we think, is school.

One of our favorite things Lucy does: She opens up her books to her favorite pages and just leaves them laying there open so she can wander back and look at them whenever she wants! Really quite a charming gesture….and oh how she loves her books! Now make no mistake, I am under no impression that Lucy is a future Mensa candidate….she is not reading (half the time they’re upside down) she just likes looking at the pictures….and petting them if it happens to be an animal. And if there is a picture of food, she has been known to lick the page…..

Elmo, the Mum

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Lucy Moments Take Two

New Words
Ball, Up and Bubble

New Game
Mummy or Daddy chases her with the Fisher Price Corn Popper Push Toy while she runs through the house pushing her Stroll Along Walker (baby doll rides in the stroller bouncing around the whole time and occasionally bouncing out which makes Lucy laugh like crazy)

New Bag
I was in Target a couple weeks ago scoping out the Dollar Section when I came across these little bags with animals on I picked a few up, the favorite being the blue bag with the monkey on it. As soon as Lucy saw it, she started making the monkey noise. We use it to carry her things back and forth from Puddle Duck.

When I picked her up Monday, she insisted on carrying the bag out to the car - she dragged it most of the way. When we got home, I got out of the car and as I always do, slipped the handles of my tote bag on the crook of my arm. When Lucy got out of the car, she again insisted upon carrying her monkey bag...when I handed it to her, she slipped the handles into the crook of her arm and proceeded to make her way to the front door with the bag bouncing off her legs as the handle slipped down her arm and bumped off the ground. She lost her footing a couple times but each time she recovered, she hoisted the bag back into the crook of her arm, tossed her head back and continued on her way.

Tea Parties, Rocks and Acorns
Lucy has friend at Puddle Duck called Catherine. She's about a year older than Lucy and the two of them are great friends. Catherine looks after Lucy (especially now that Lucy is in the Toddler Room with her) and when I see Catherine, always tells me to "Pick Lucy up and take her home! I'm going home, Lucy go home too! Take her home!"

The other day, Catherine’s Mum Liz tells me that Catherine got a tea set for her birthday and they now have tea parties.....

Not to be outdone, I inform Liz that Lucy eats rocks and acorns that she forages for in the back yard....she also hoards said rocks and acorns in her pockets...and my pockets and my purse, and on the front porch, the back deck, her wagon, my car, Daddy's car, Daddy's pockets......

Art Work
Now that Lucy is in the Toddler Room, she is starting to do more art projects and every other day, I find a new masterpiece in Lucy’s mailbox at Puddle Duck. She is quite proud of her creations and takes great pleasure in showing them off and screeching with delight as I praise her efforts. The other day, she came home with a seashell she had decorated with stickers and crayon scribbles. This is my favorite piece so far and will forever be proudly displayed next to the Waterford Clock my mother gave us when we got married.

The Ocean
Lucy took her first dip in the ocean this past weekend. We were up in Rockport and saw our friend Cynthia. She lives a mere 10 minute walk down to the beach. Initially, she hated it! The waves were loud, the water was cold, her feet were disappearing in the sand and there was seaweed everywhere! So she sat in the sand with Daddy and they made a couple sand castles. Then she spied a group of big kids playing in the waves, laughing and having fun. So she let Daddy scoop her up and they wandered out a bit stepping into a couple waves watching the water bounce off Daddy and splashing them both in the face. I waited for a scream but instead, I heard peals of laughter and looked up to see her clapping and bouncing on her Dad's arms waiting for the next wave to bump into them...... Next thing we know, she is laughing and screaming. 45 minutes later, we drag her from the water...teeth chattering, lips blue, diaper full of sand, lungs full of fresh sea air and a big grin on her face. She was sound asleep before the beach was even out of sight!

Elmo picked Lucy up from Puddle Duck
Monday when I picked up Lucy, I opened the door to the Toddle Room and Lucy was on the floor playing with Lisa. When she turned around and saw me, a grin crept across her face and she ran towards me with her arms open yelling ELMO!

Talking Tom, Operation Say Mummy Phase IA
I downloaded this application for my iPad called Talking Tom. It’s this cartoon cat that repeats everything you say. So I’m using him to teach Lucy to say Mummy. “Say Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy…say Mummy Lucy!”

It’s not working…she just laughs and pets Tom which in turn makes him purr……

Temper Tantrum in Target
On our way home tonight, I decided to stop at Target as I had to return a Safety Lock (was there anything wrong with it? the girl at the customer service desk asked. No, I replied, my husband and I just could not figure out how it worked.....) and pick a few things up....and Lucy was in a good mood so I figured we'd be fine for a quick 15 minute trip.

And Lucy was great...until I realized I forgot the light bulbs and we had to walk all the way over to the opposite corner of the store (way in the back I might add) She had been quite cute and endearing up to this point flirting with people as we walked by and even calling out DAADDY to one very nice and patient man. So we're standing in the light bulb aisle and all of a sudden, Lucy loses it. She just starts screaming and next thing I know, she's standing up in the seat of the carriage (yes, she was strapped in but the little imp has figured out how to pop the buckle enough to wiggle out of it) and screaming at the top of her lungs. She screamed, she yelled, she cried, she flayed about and threw her head from side to side and screamed some more. The nice man also happened to be in the same part of the store and asked if I needed help…how sweet…and sad for me!

I debated calling 911 or a priest but instead, I scooped her up, gave her a snuggle and tried to talk her off the ledge. I was talking softly to her and she quieted down...but when I went to put her back in the carriage, she would stretch her body and tense her arms and legs so I could not bend her back into the I would stop and snuggle her and again, talk to her softly trying to calm her down.......four tries and 15 minutes later, we were still in the light bulb aisle. Know what the definition of insanity is................

Finally, I wrestled Lucy into the carriage and made my way to the checkout, with Lucy screaming and crying all the while me talking to her trying to calm her down. She screamed all the way home and only stopped when we arrived at the house and she caught sight of the oil truck. Lucy loves trucks…and John (our oil guy) also happens to have Scooby Doo painted on the side of his truck (no, I don’t know why)…Lucy saw the truck, saw the dog and her tears stopped…and then John handed her a couple stickers with Scooby Doo on them and she actually cracked a smile….

First public temper tantrum CHECK!

Elmo, the Mum

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

In the Car, Out of the Car, in the Car, Out of the Car

You know what my Mum does when we have a lot to do or a lot going on?

She makes lists.....

It starts as a list of things we need to do
Then it turns into a list of the places we need to go
Within that list is a list of the things we need to get at the places
Finally, there's a list that shows the order we're doing things in....
Here's the thing:


Mummy either loses the list (usually in her bag) or we don’t follow the list for whatever reason

All I know is that when there’s a list, it means Daddy is going to do a whole bunch of driving and muttering and I'll be getting in the car, out of the car, in the car, out of the car.

On Friday, at breakfast, my Mum announces we have a lot to do over the weekend and she’s making a list. Daddy rolled his eyes and started concentrating on the TV and I pretended to be occupied with my Cheerios - but Mummy kept going.

Ok, we have to drop off Lucy's Passport Application; I need to go to Lady Grace to buy a bra
(Lucy note: Bra shopping with your Mum is like the most embarrassing thing ever. As soon as Mummy said that, I planned to have a temper tantrum as soon as we pulled into the parking lot so Daddy and I could stay in the car) Then I need to pick up shoes, we have to go to Target and return a couple things, I need to go to the Bank and we also need some stuff at Target and then we're supposed ….

And Mummy just kept going….the whole time making her list…

When we got home from Puddle Duck that night, Mummy flew around the house getting stuff done and gathering everything we would need for our Expotition (you know what an Expotition is right? It’s like what Christopher Robin, Pooh et al went on when they were in search of the North Pole…which Pooh found)

Then, Mummy and Daddy made me sit against the wall while they took my picture for my passport…..I look like a criminal…’s a terrible picture and just does not do me justice.

Saturday morning, Mummy had us out the door at 8:45am

We hit the post office and got right in to do my passport application
Then we went to the bank
We got to the bra store early
Mummy loves it when we’re ahead of schedule
We sat in the parking lot waiting for teh store to open…but then I thought I don’t want to go bra shopping, I’m in too good a mood for a temper tantrum…so I just fell asleep

Next thing I know, I wake up and we’re in Danvers!

Danvers was never on the list!

The North Shore mall was not on the list!!!!


So now we’re out of the car (Apple Store, Hallmark store, looking for shoes)

Then back in the car

And we drive (headed to another shoe store)

And then we get out of the car (no shoes here)

And then back in the car

And then we’re driving to Natick (also not on the list)

Out of the car (the old guy in the shoe store said I was really cute and well behaved….all while I was pulling the little nylon socks out of the box and strewing them about…)

And then back in the car….that was when I started to get a bit…fussy…

So my quick thinking Mummy spies a Pet Co (Its where the Pets Go) and says to Daddy pull over, let’s go in there for a bit and let poor Lucy run around…

Yah for Mummy! I love Pet Co! They have puppy dogs and kitties running around. And snakes and turtles and fish and rats and ferrets…I love going in there! I still haven’t convinced Mummy and Daddy to get me anything but I think I’m breaking them down.

Finally, Mummy says let’s head home, we still haven’t gotten an oil change but let’s get Lucy home….we can do the oil change later or tomorrow

So in the car one more time and Daddy heads home….

Mummy is looking at the list and sees two more things we did not get to…..and starts a new list…..

Lucy, the Toddler

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Operation Say Mummy, Phase I

Lucy's new thing is no. She does not say no but if you ask her for something she has in her hand that you want or try to shoo her upstairs or get her into her chair when she does not want to go, she shakes her head no and walks away from you.

Lucy has a couple new words and sounds to add to the resume:

Mmmmooo (as in what a cow says)
Baaaaa (as in what a sheep says)

Please note that Mmmmooo starts with the M sound and Baaaaa ends with the A sound; put them together and you could have Ma

But no

Still no Mummy, Mama, Mom, Ma

A friend of ours said I should start telling people Elmo is what Lucy calls me....that  gave me an idea.

I decided, in my infinite wisdom, to get Lucy an Elmo doll.....and tell her he's called Mummy!
This will surely get her to say Mummy...if she thinks the Elmo doll is actually Mummy, she'll say Mummy....

I get on Amazon ASAP and order the first Elmo doll I see.

Within 24 hours, Elmo is in my possession and Operation Say Mummy is underway.

I pick Lucy up from Puddle Duck trying to restrain myself from throwing the doll at her and yelling "Mummy! say Mummy!" I want to do this when I have her undivided attention and there are no distractions.
So I hide Elmo behind my back and when the time is right, I pull him out and shout "Mummy!"

Lucy's eyes got really big and this smile crept across her face until it was spread from ear to ear and she gasped in excitement and screeched.....ELMO!!!!!! She runs towards him with her arms outstretched and pulls him in for a big snuggle.

And she tosses her head back and forth and starts chanting Elmo Elmo Elmo!
Lucy then collapses in peals of laughter.

Lucy, I say (plead, beg), its Mummy, say Mummy

She cocks her head to the left, smiles, SHAKES HER HEAD NO and says


She turns on her heel and runs into the living room with Elmo giggling and chanting his name over and over again like a mantra....torturing me with each EL and Mo

Lucy and Elmo, still wrapped up in each other, drop to the floor laughing and giggling
She starts waving to her other animals saying  Hi, Elmo as if introducing them all to each other.

And with a tear in my eye and a hole in my heart, I retreat to the kitchen to start dinner

Ok, ok, there was no tear in my eye and no hole in my heart, I was just pissed my plan backfired
I thought it was fool proof....

New plan:
I'm giving her until August 15th
If she still does not say Mummy, we move onto Phase II of Operation Say Mummy.........Hooked on Phonics

Maria, the Mum

Monday, July 12, 2010

Lucy Moments

A week or so ago, we were driving home from Puddle Duck and Lucy dropped her shoe out the window. I usually roll her window down (no, not all the way) when we pull off the main road onto the street leading up to our neighborhood. I had just turned the corner onto Northwoods Circle when I saw something out the corner of my eye.....What did you do I ask? She grins at me and says UH OH while raising her naked right foot up to her mouth.....

Lucy likes vuvuzelas....we concoct them out of paper towel tubes...and by concoct I mean we hand the tube to her when we use the last sheet of Bounty.......she also discovered she can use it as a telescope.....or have it for a snack.....

There was a fire in the parking lot at Puddle Duck last Wednesday when I picked up Lucy. When we walked outside, she pointed and looked at it all wide eyed and concerned and declared UH-OH! Not sure why it made me laugh so hard as it was a fire.....Mummy's note: no one was hurt. It was a little grass fire most likely sparked by a discarded cig...though it was right under a tree.....

Sometimes, to coax Lucy up the stairs for her bath, I chase after her as the Mummy Monster...using my best Mummy Monster voice I say "The Mummy Monster is going to get from the Mummy Monster...." and I raise up my hands and chase after her (moving sort of like one of the Mummies from the old Scooby Doo cartoons) The other night, I started doing Mummy Monster and she started giggle and spluttering as she does, turned and ran towards the stairs as fast as her little legs and cankles would carry her...and slammed into the bottom step so hard it knocked her back on her bum! And she jumped right up still laughing and spluttering and began to scale the stairs to escape the Mummy Monster.....

Apparently, Lucy is the official greeter/send off party at Puddle Duck. The teachers keep telling me, as they wipe tears of laughter from their eyes, that she stands in the door way of the infant room and waves Hi to every one as they walk in or by the room...and if they are leaving, she waves and blows kisses....running for mayor at the tender age of 15 months.....apparently everyone there knows her....just like Papa!

Lucy enjoys her bath time more and more.....she has a cadre of toys she drags in and out with her. One being a squirt toy that is a whale with a blow hole.....the other night she was playing in the tub and managed to squirt herself directly in the eye....twice......both times followed by Uh-Oh

Lucy went swimming again yesterday, in the big pool...this time, she went under!

Two more words to her add to her resume:

Jack, as in my nephew Jack. We show her family pictures and tell her everyone's name. Jack is easy to say and her favorite picture of him is on the end table in the spare room. She stands in front of it, waves and says Hi Jack! She'll probably pass out the first time she meets him. Not mama but Jack.....

Owl, as in Owl from Winnie the Pooh. She has a Pooh board book and in it are pictures of all the characters. We of course tell her all the names, she repeats Owl. Not Mummy but the way, did you know Winnie the Pooh's real name is Edward?

Maria, the Mum

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Lucy's First Blog

I’ve been bugging my Mum for a couple days now about two things: one, letting me write a blog (she’s a blog hog) and two, she needs to change it from Lucy the Baby to Lucy the Toddler.

I’m not a Baby anymore! I’m a Toddler! At least that’s what they tell me at Puddle Duck. I’ve been visiting the Toddler Room and by the end of next week, I’m moving on! I’ll miss the infant room because Mary Beth (MB) and Donna are so much fun to play with every day but its time….I’m getting too big….I keep stepping on the babies laying on the floor, not on purpose, it’s just happens by accident…and they can’t even really play at anything. Frankly, babies bore me. When I try to play with them, they just drool on themselves and look at me funny. Liz and Brittany are in the Toddler Room and they are crazy fun! Plus, I’m still next door to the infant room so if I start to miss MB and Donna too much, I can just go next door and get a snuggle from them!

Ok so that’s the Toddler name change. Next, let’s talk about my weekend! It was the best weekend so far of my whole life. I mean I thought the trip to the zoo a couple weeks ago was the best but this was way better!

It all started on Friday night. We went for a walk down to Mr. Charlie’s – that’s a little ice cream stand down the street from our house. Daddy loves it there! So after my bath, Mummy put my PJs on and we took a walk down to Mr. Charlie’s. I love going ‘cause I get to have two ice creams! One from my Mum and one from my Dad…but don’t tell my Mum, I usually like my Dad’s better. Our favorite is Strawberry Cheesecake. But I always try my Mum’s so I don’t hurt her feelings! The ice cream was so good and filled up my tummy that I fell asleep on our walk home.

On Saturday morning, we went to Davis Farmland in Sterling, MA. It was the best time ever! I’m not even kidding you! It’s this big old farm with all kinds of animals – and not just your plain old farm animals (ducks, cows, horses and pigs) they had chinchillas, llamas, Highland cattle, weird looking donkeys (my Dad says it’s ok to call them Asses but Mummy says just call them donkeys so no one thinks they’re letting me swear….I don’t even know what a swear is but if Mummy says donkey is better, we should call them donkeys). They had emus, deer, did I say llamas? All kinds of different goats and sheep, black and white cows, brown cows, plain old chickens, chickens with funny feathers on their head, rats, snakes, frogs, horses, pigs, hogs, kitties…………they had everything!

I got to pet a rat, touch a snake, snuggle with Teddy (the Highland Cattle Cow), pet a black and white cow, touch a bull’s nose, and, this is the best part: I chased sheep and goats all over the place! Chickens too! Yeah! They just let the goats, sheep and chickens run around free! And if they weren’t running around, you could go in their pen and pet them! So I did!

One time, I got tired so I got in my stroller. My Mum and I were standing in front of the goat pen and they started nibbling my toes! And then they tried to eat my stroller! I think they were trying to get some of my snack….Daddy said they were trying to pull me out to go live with them….then Mummy said something about a dingo…they’re weird.

Then we had lunch….good timing because it was kind of hot and we all needed a break. After lunch, I changed into my bathing suit because…..THEY HAD A WATER PARK JUST FOR KIDS!!!! It was so much fun! First we started out in the little tiny water park – they just had a couple little things squirting water….which was good because it was the first time I ever played in water like that. After awhile, we got bored so Daddy said we should try the big park…..oh my word! It was so much fun!!!!! At first, I was a little scared (don’t tell my Mum and Dad) but they seemed to be having fun, and all the other kids were having fun so I just started to have fun too. We ran through the car wash, the big rings and there was water coming at us from every direction! We got soaking wet! And I had so much fun! I didn’t want to leave but I was so tired….plus my teeth were chattering and my lips turned blue!

I think I was asleep before we even got in the car! I slept all the way home! My Mum and Dad had a good time too; they could not stop talking about it. You should totally go if you ever get the chance, we’re going back soon….Mum and Dad promised. Here is their website, seriously you should go:

But wait, the day is not over!

I got this really cool pool for my birthday from Mr. and Mrs. Brier, it looks like this:

Tell me that’s not the coolest pool ever?! Anyway, we begged Daddy to blow it up…and while he did that, Mummy and I played in the garden…it was so hot….Daddy finally got the pool blown up, filled it, and then all three of us climbed it! Our neighbors thought we were crazy! But we didn’t care….we were ice and cool and had even more fun playing in there. Saturday was the best day ever. I was so tired I fell asleep pretty early.

Sunday was sort of a quiet day. We went to Target to get me some water shoes for day care (because we have Wet Wednesdays…well, they call it Sprinkler Wednesdays but I think Wet Wednesday sounds way better) and then we went home and just played out in the yard. It was really hot again so we got back in the pool. Daddy washed the cars and we just sort of hung out. I’m still too small for fireworks (plus that is way past my bedtime and I get pretty cranky if I can’t get to sleep on time) so we had hamburgers and hotdogs for dinner, and I went right to bed because again, I was tired! Mummy and Daddy wear me out!

Monday we went to Cousin Maria and Steve’s house….and I went in the big pool! Yep! I went in the big pool and I loved it! I can’t even believe how much fun floating around is. The best part was when Daddy would go under water and then he would pop up in front of me and Mummy… was so funny watching him come up out of the water! Made me screech and laugh every time he did it. I had so much fun…again, I did not want to get out but I was getting cold and not only were my lips blue but so were my feet! So when I got out, Cousins Laura and Adam played with me – Mum says they’re going to baby sit for me some time and I can’t wait because they are really fun. Adam says I can call him Uncle Adam…I think he just likes the way it sounds…so do I so that’s what I’ll call him. He’s really funny and makes me laugh. And Cousin Laura was so nice – she looked at my books with me and took me for a walk around the pool. Mummy said I can call her Auntie Laura, I love having so many Aunties!

Sadly, we had to go after we had dinner because it was getting late and I still had to have a bath. But I fell asleep on the way home! You know it’s a good day when you fall asleep on the way home! Daddy laid me in bed and I woke up…and had a second dinner! Then I got my bath and had the best night’s sleep……which was a great way to end my best weekend ever.

So there you have it, my first ever blog. I’m hoping my Mum lets me blog again because it’s pretty fun…..maybe my next blog will be about the Toddler Room…

Lucy, the Baby…I mean THE TODDLER

Release the Kraken!

Last night, Lucy had a full on temper tantrum....I dare say the first of its kind.

She's had outbursts before, or as one of my sisters noted, meltdowns, but never lasting more than a few minutes and usually easily diffused by lovingly pinching and tickling the chubby little bits on her upper leg.....

Not this time....

This was a full on temper tantrum. I'm talking a crying, screaming, tear shedding, body thrashing, head tossing temper tantrum that lasted 45 minutes!!!!!!

Can't tell you what set her off - I put her in her chair for dinner and she lost her shit.

It started out with just a bit of crying, and then body twisting.
The next thing we know, she is howling at the top of her lungs and throwing herself back against the chair....really hard and really fast.

At first, we tried to calm her down...I thought maybe I had pinched her hand when I put her in her chair....I'm constantly catching her poor little hand in the tray when I slide it on.

But, within a minute, I realize it is simply a temper tantrum.

So we let her go thinking she'll work it out as she normally does...I think she may be like us; too lazy to keep going on with it as temper tantrums are exhausting!

So Sean and I bustled about doing what we normally do when we get home which last night happened to include putting the groceries away.

Having just written that, and in the interest of full disclosure....the temper tantrum might have been my fault. When we come home from work/day care, Lucy and I usually go outside and play until Sean gets home. Then we go in for dinner and a bath. Last night was too hot to stay outside and play so Lucy and I hit the grocery store on the way home. She started to get antsy at the end but chilled out when we were in line and laughed all the way home....but maybe what set her off was her lack of play time....

Anyway, Lucy is throwing herself against the chair (repeatedly) and wailing and crying and blowing snot bubbles through her nose and spit bubbles from her mouth. She would sort of start to calm down so one of us would tentatively offer her milk or her dinner....but as soon as we got close, she reared up again.....

So we sat down and had our dinner.

I tossed a couple little Gerber cheese curls on her tray and she scoffed them up like a starved little rat....but when I tried to hand her a cup of milk, she started screaming again.

I had my last bite of dinner and took her out of her seat. I figured a snuggle might help and frankly, after 30 minutes of screaming, I had a bit of a headache and caught myself starting to laugh at her a couple times so I thought I'd see if we could put an end to the tantrum.

She settled down, but only for a minute or two (she was catching her breath I think) She started squirming and thrashing on my lap so I put her down onto the floor. She then proceeded to roll around slamming her head on the wooden floor and getting tangled up in the legs of her dad's chair.


Sean cleaned up the dinner dishes, I scooped Lucy up and we went and sat in the living room.
We had a little chat on the couch and she started to calm down...but then I made the  mistake of putting her on the floor.....she crumpled like a rag doll and threw herself around like she was overcome by some spirit...I honestly expected her to start speaking in tongues.

Instead, she just rolled around and got herself wedged between the end table and her baby doll carriage. She actually ended up underneath the baby doll carriage....

But we continued to ignore her. I sat on the floor (close by her in case she decide to impale herself on her Cruise and Go Jungle) and Sean was sitting in his chair. All of a sudden, the crying ceased....the Kraken appeared to be at ease....she slowly wandered over to her pile of books and pulled out her favorite two books opening them to her favorite pages........and she was quiet.

We made no sudden movements or noises and avoided eye contact for fear of setting her off.....

Somehow, we coaxed her into the kitchen where she played with her barn magnet on the refrigerator.....and then she moved towards her high seat and pointed to it like she does when she is hungry and ready to eat.....and then with a big smile, she says "Hi" while waving her pudgy little hand at us. We smile back and she says Uh-Oh as she raises her arms in that Uh Oh gesture.....

We gently ease her into her seat, serve her dinner and let out a sigh of relief that could have powered metro Boston for a week

The rest of the evening progressed as it  normally does:
Sean draws her bath
I undress her
She scuttles into the bathroom to watch the tub being filled
She pees on the floor
Sean lets her throw her toys into the tub
She has her bath and brushes her teeth
She gets a rub down, clean PJs, a couple songs sung by Mummy (accompanied by Jack Johnson) and a final snuggle from Daddy before she is laid down for her evening slumber.....

And that was Lucy's first official temper tantrum

Maria, the Mum

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Lucy’s Words



Dad (emphasis on the second D, really quit charming...sort of sounds like the way I imagine her saying Dad as an embarrassed 13 year old...DaaaaD)


Hi (accompanied by a wave or a high five, or sometimes just a head bobble...not just a single bob like when a gentleman tips his hat and says hello, but a bobble as the head keeps moving just like a bobble head doll.....which may be what everyone gets for Christmas next year, a Lucy Bobble Head)

This (she points at stuff and says “This” like a question, so we tell her what it is)



Black Bird (yeah, random I know. We got her a bird feeder for her birthday and we were watching the birds on it the other day….I said something about the black birds and she started repeating me)

What sounds like dog…sometimes preceded by what sounds like puppy

An attempt at Cookie (for Cookie Monster not hey Ma, give me a cookie)

A monkey noise (ok not really a word, but too cute to not mention……if you ask her what a monkey says, she makes the monkey noise)

The Count Dracula Laugh (again, not really a word but if start counting and pause in between each number, she gives you the laugh…..hilarious)

Notice Mum, Mom, Mama, Mummy or no variation thereof made the list......which is okay for now but if her next word is something like aardvark, elephant, iguana or supercalifragilisticexpialidocious instead of Mama, I'm going to be pissed

Maria, the Mum

Friday, July 2, 2010

Nihilo sanc tum estne?

Last night we were watching TV in the kitchen and a commercial came on for women's make-up. At first I wasn’t really paying attention until I heard a familiar tune. I look up from making the coffee for the next morning and I am shocked to hear that this make-up commercial is accompanied by the theme tune from the classic 80's series ‘Magnum P.I.’.

Come on advertising people, how can you take something associated with such a manly show and apply it to a make-up commercial?! Nihilo sanc tum estne? Is nothing sacred?

Poor Tom Selleck, how can he sleep at night? Somebody needs to set Apollo and Zeus on the creative team responsible for this atrocity.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

When I grow up, I want to be......

When I was younger, I wanted to be a writer.

Well, first I wanted to be a broadcast journalist, but then I was told I was not pretty enough to be on TV. So I thought I could be a journalist, but I was told I did not have a “voice” readers would connect with. Then, I was willing to settle for being a DJ but was told I had terrible taste in music, I was not at all funny and had no knowledge of pop culture. So I thought I could be a radio talk show host, but then I realized I did not have a lot of intelligent things to say….So I thought I could become a baseball announcer…but realized I needed to know a lot more about the game than I as a fan knew.

I was living in the Chicago area at the time and was a corporate facilitator…which is a fancy way of saying I taught people how to do their jobs. But I also designed and wrote the training material that was used…really was a great job. Shitty company bit a great job. Anyway, when I lost my job, I considered going back to school to become a teacher….figured I could mold the minds of America’s youth and maybe make a difference and an impact on someone’s life……but I was too scared to go back to school......afraid I would not be smart enough (for some reason, people think I’m smarter than I really am, I just play along with it), afraid I would not be able to afford it, afraid I'd fail.....

 In the meantime, I moved to Medford, had a job with Gillette for a spell and then landed my current job.

For the record, and in the spirit of full disclosure, my second cousin’s (or she could be a first cousin once removed) husband owns the company. I had been living in Massachusetts for 4 months and working at Gillette which was a temporary job with almost no chance of it becoming full time. I had interviewed within the company for full time jobs, specifically in their call center training department, but there was a hiring freeze and things were not looking good.

So I get this phone call from Steve and he says how’s the job hunt going. Tough I say. He tells me he has a position he's trying to fill, I’m not doing the interviews, I have a consultant doing them but if I get you one (an interview) want to come in? I have nothing to lose I say. One condition he says: I’m not telling anyone who you are and you can’t let on that you know me. If you’re going to get the job, you have to get it. Ok, I say, sounds fair.

So I go to interview (getting lost on way) and 5 minutes in, realize that I am so not qualified for the job…and I tell teh guy interviewing me there is no way I can do this job....but, he likes me, thinks I’m funny and that I can handle the job learning as I go along. I get the job and nine, almost ten years later, I am still here.

My job is mainly accounting, which is funny given that I was a Poly Sci/English Major and that I can’t play Cribbage for shit because I can’t add numbers in my head…..there’s a bunch of other stuff I do but my point is, I had no clue what I was doing for the first year I had the job (filing sales tax reports, registering to do jobs as a foreign corporation in other states, commercial lines of insurance, what the eff!) I learned on the job and for the most part, I do okay…..and it’s not a terrible job. Like all jobs it can be a bit trying at times but it could be worse…besides, it’s a stable job, pays the bills and I respect the guys I work for. But deep down inside, I still want to be a writer.

I’ll never write a novel, I don’t have the patience to see it through, develop all the characters, and the story loses steam within 3 pages. I always seem to be able to come up with a story on my head, but as soon as I try to put it down on paper, I get bored….so I thought I would try short stories. Again, I would concoct the story in my head but just could not seem to get it down on paper. I just did not have the wherewithal to see it through to the end.

So I think poetry! Poems are short….and by default do not require a lot of development because people love pondering over poems trying to decipher what they mean…somehow poems and art make people feel smarter than they really are…..…I could be a poet

Here’s my attempt at poetry



The last time we won
We beat on those drums
We held our heads high
We heaved great sighs

Then a trade was made
One that would never fade
From the memories of all
The old and the small

The Babe was gone
We sang a sad song
And for 86 years
We shed so many tears

1946, 1949, 1967, 1975, 1978……

I can’t even explain….
Had the Curse kicked in?
Are we paying for Frazee’s sin?
Would we ever win?


Could it be possible, could it be done?
Could the curse finally be hung?
One pitch too many, Pedro left in too long
Grady Little is moving on


We always thought we’d be immersed
In this terrible curse
You know the one of which I lament
The one that weighted us down like a block of cement

For eighty six years
We have shed so many tears
For eighty six years
We have lived with so many fears

Is there a curse?
Did I really buy that purse?
Will Red Sox Nation
Ever see total domination?

Will they tear down Fenway?
Will the Team move away?
Will we ever sign a player
Who will be the Evil Empire Slayer?

For eighty six years
We have shed so many tears
For eighty six years
We’ve said thousands of prayers

Please dear God, take pity on us!
Help us to reverse the curse!
And for the love of Jesus,
Give us just one winning season!

Year after year
Beer after beer
Our hearts would get broken
And we’d go home sulkin’

So I ask you Dear God for one little favor
Make this the year we have something to savor
For its been eighty six years
And I have shed so many tears

There was speculation all season
As we continued to look for a reason
As to why we should win
Would that really be such a sin?

And then there was that trade
To some it felt like a raid
Nomar was sent away
Some were sorry to say

It was looking pretty dark
If we pulled it off it would be a lark
Some threw the towel in
While others still thought we could win

Believe! Have Faith!
Curt Schilling is our ace!
Variteck is a rock
Not just some big dumb jock!

These two men led the team
Is this all really a dream?

We were three games down
Red Sox Nation was wearing frowns
But then the tables turned
And we started to yearn

We didn’t want the season to end
And the Idiots were turning the bend
They played smart
And with their hearts

And the Evil Empire crumbled
For once, we didn’t bumble!!!!
We took back three
And then made it four

Could this be the year?
Do we even dare?

We took Game One
Our boys got it done
We took Game Two
Do the Cards have the flu?

And then we went West
To prove we were the best
Game Three was ours
We all hit the bars

Game Four, Game Four
We are at the door
We could break the Curse!
Oh, yea, I returned the purse

And so we watched………..
We waited for it to get botched
But Lowe pitched the game of his life
Oh how I wish I were his wife

And there we were at the bottom of the ninth…….

Three strikes to go and we were all gonna blow….
Three, then two, then one left to go………..
It was an easy hit….
I can’t even sit

He threw it to first


For eighty six years
We have shed so many tears
For eighty six years
We have lived with so many fears

But with that final swing
With that little ding
It all ended………

For so long we’ve been cheated
Things got pretty heated
We loved the Sox
And then we hated them like Lox

But deep down inside….

We always BELIEVED
We always HAD FAITH

And so finally after many years
After so many tears,
Red Sox Nation
Has seen total domination

2005, Need I say more
2006, show us the door


Terry O Terry
Why are you so merry?
We’re down 3-1
Unk is looking for his gun

Gagne oh Gagne
Why not just hang me?
You lost the game
Now it’s not the same

Across the Nation
Hearts are breaking
Kids are crying
Fans are sighing

Down 3-1
An improbable run?
Hope springs eternal
Ted Williams was almost immortal

Wait 'til next year
Is being spoken so clear
And all I want is a win
Is that such a sin?

We broke the Curse
It’s been reversed
Why fret and frown?
We’re only two games down

We’ve done it before
Won all four
Then Captured the Pennant
With Varitek as the Lieutenant

There could be hope
For this band of dopes
We could reign supreme
This is my dream

My knuckles are white
My chest is tight
But I’ll tune in
Please let the Sox win

It’s time for Game Five
I’m getting a hive
Beckett’s old flame will sing
He never gave her that ring

Youk stepped up to the plate
All I ask is that this night be great
He swung his bat
And gave that ball a tap

Up by a run
I can almost see the sun…
Never mind, its 1-1
What happened next is a blur

I started to slur
Manny hit it hard
But moved like lard

Ortiz made it all the way home
Manny ran like a gnome
He made it to first
I almost burst

Run you bum! Run!
Before I get my gun
390 feet
Can I smell defeat?

But Beckett was a rock
He stepped back and took stock
He was in control
He was ready to roll

It happened in the 8th
Why do they make me wait?
We scored run after run
We made sure we’d won

Brought out Crazy John
He’s really gentle as a fawn
He closed the game up
I raised my cup

We got a game back.
But do not relax!
Two more to go
Let’s take it nice and slow……

Games six and seven
Am I in heaven?
Did we really win?
Was I drinking gin?

The beer is flowing
Papelbon is glowing
The rookies rocked
And I thought of Schilling’s red sock

Game six went so fast
I almost didn’t last
I really don’t remember it all
All I know is we didn’t stall

And then it was time for the final game
I prayed we wouldn’t be lame
We started out strong
Thought it wouldn’t be long…..

But the Indians came within a run
Once again, Unk was looking for his gun
But then it all turned
Please don’t let us get burned

Skinner O Skinner
You helped make us the winner
Kenny was running,
He was really gunning

But you made him stop
And now I think your tops
And Pedroia may be small
But today, he’s walking tall

My jaw is up off the floor
I can’t stand it anymore
My heart is on the mend
Can’t believe we rounded the bend

So now it’s the Rocks
Battling the Sox
Who thought we’d be here
After only a few short years

They’re going for another ring
This would make me sing
I’m holding my breath and saying a prayer
Please o please let this be the year


Ok, see the problem here? First of all, I started it in 2004…then did not touch it until 2007….then I crapped out before the series even started (we won by the way)….I can’t even get through a poem and who are we kidding, I’m copying Dr Seuss!

So I thought maybe I could do children’s’ books, especially now that I have one of my own (a child, not a children’s book) but again, I get to the climax of the story and then it’s over…..hmm, commitment issues and fear on intimacy is the trend I’m seeing here…..Poor Sean.

So then I thought maybe I could write one of those books that just like a stream of consciousness…..not quite a memoir, more of an essayist… I started keeping a journal. Not like “Dear Diary, today I got my period and I have a crush on my English Lit professor” (though I did have a crush on the professor who taught my mythology class, oh and my Geology TA, total crush on him)

One time I read this book called the Artist Way, (I thought I had some creative side or being to get in touch with….turns out I don’t) and in this book, the author suggested that every morning, you sit down and write at least three pages……..Did not matter what you wrote about, just write three page….so that was what I did.

Sometimes it was a list of things I had to do that day or books I wanted to read or groceries I needed. Sometimes, it was a rehash of the conversation I had the night before with my mother or a sister or my brother. Sometimes, it was a rant about work or a bitch about the asshole who cut me off the night before on my way home…which would morph into a narrative about how people are not as nice as they used to be and what’s wrong with the world…..sometimes, it was about an old friend that I had lost touch with or someone I grew up with and I would wonder what s/he was up to, what they had become, were they married? Kids? In jail?

I did morning pages for a number of years……I even took a writing class thinking that I could totally pull off being an essayist….until I heard what other people were writing and realized I was not as smart, not as funny, had not nearly enough life experience nor had I traveled enough to compete with what they were producing….

When we had Lucy, I wanted to do a blog under the pretense of keeping friends and family that did not live near us in the know….truthfully I knew nobody would read the blog (at least none of my lot) I just figured it would be a way to get me writing again…...turns out it just made me realize I barely have enough time to get the laundry done! I’d rather play with Lucy chasing her around the yard collecting pine cones and eating rocks or emptying her toy box just because we can rather than sitting down and trying to be witty and charming on paper. Plus, I’m long winded…no one wants to read a five page blog…and I’m not quick or witty enough to say it in five lines…..which is why I’m not a tweeter or twitter or tooter.

Maybe I still want to be a writer...I don't know....
But here's my other problem with writing, I never know how to end......................

Maria, the Mum