Lucy is closing in on 5
Her friends started turning 5 in the fall and we've attended a number of birthday parties since September
Most have been a "destination" party (Gym Street, Lazer Craze, Chuck E Cheese, Celebration Kingdom) and have included the whole class
Brilliant really - for a set price, for a set time, you can invite the whole class and not have to deal with any clean up
And those parties have been great fun
But for the past 4 years, we've kept Lucy's parties pretty small and right at home
6, maybe 8 kids are invited
We do all the decorating (we've transformed the house into the coral reef for the Nemo Party, a Zoo for the animal party and last year, it was a fossil dig for the dinosaur party) and we do all the cooking and baking which of course ties into the theme
People come when they want and leave when they feel like it (one year, we had people at the house well past 6pm from a party that started at 11)
And I may have a little too much fun (and spend a little too much money) putting together the favor bags and the games
But I'll tell you what, it is always worth the time, energy and money just to see how excited the kids get and how much Lucy enjoys it
The more parties we attend, the more Lucy has started talking about hers
And for the first time, she mentioned having her party at a place as opposed to a theme party at home
We don't discourage this idea nor do we encourage it - we just tell her that no matter what kind of party she is thinking about, we want it to be what she wants, not what she thinks her friends will want or like
So last week, we're driving home and Lucy says to me
Jack turned 5 today
I know honey, that's pretty exciting.....
Yeah......he even looks 5
He does, I agree
Are we going to his party?
Yup, on Sunday
Hmmm.....at the bouncy place with the games and tickets?
Yep, its called Lazer Craze, same place Sahit had his party
Yeah, I been there before
You have
Mumma?
Yeah Lucy
I've been thinking about my party
OK, well, what do you think you'd like to do for your party?
Well.....you know I'm gonna be 5
I know
And that's a pretty big bitrthday - I never been 5 before
I know Luce
This is like my biggest birthday yet
That it is....do you know what you want to do for your birthday?
Well, at first I wanted a kitty party....and then I wanted a Frozen party.....
Yes...
But if I don't not have animals Jake might not like it but Jack and Ryan like Lego's
OK well, what do you want Lucy? What do you think would be fun for your party
I don't know....I thought I wanted a bouncy house party at the bouncy place we been to but I like having a party at my house....
She sort of trailed off while staring out the window
So what do you think you want to do now?
I look in my rear view mirror and Lucy is still just gazing out the window
She doesn't respond so I ask again
What do you think you'd like to do for your birthday this year Lucy?
She meets my eyes in the mirror and says, with a straight and serious face,
I'm thinking Vegas
I almost slammed into the car in front of us
What?
Vegas....I think we should go to Vegas
Lucy....do you even know what Vegas is?
She shrugs her shoulders and turns back toward the window and says offhandedly
I know it has lights, lots of water fountains and tigers....so I say we go to Vegas....you in?
Maria the Mum
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
Who Am I to Look Down on Anyone?
So the other
day, my Cousin Erin posted this link on her Facebook page
When I
initially saw it, I read the headline, "I Look Down On Young Women With
Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry," and
I have to be honest, I did not quite process it the way it was intended
I sort of made a mental note about it and thought oh,
I’ll go back and read that later
So last night, as I lay in bed unable to sleep next to
Mr McSnores A lot, I flipped open my iPad and read the article……..SIX TIMES
The first time I read it I thought wait, what did she
say? Am I reading this correctly? Does this even apply to me because I’m not really
that young but I do have a husband and a child
The second time I read it I thought maybe I am changing tone of it in my head too much
The third time I was all oh no I’m not
And the fourth time, I was shocked a woman would say this about other women
So I read it two more times
And then I started reading the comments people had left
on Erin’s page
Everyone seemed to be in agreement that this women was slightly misguided, possibly bitter and has little or no respect for her own mom
I can’t say I disagree
So I read it again this morning figuring my head, after
two cups of coffee, may be a bit clearer
But it still reads the same
She starts off by intimating that a stay at home mom and
a woman who works and takes care of herself are not on equal footing
So my first thought was is she saying stay at
home mom don’t take care of themselves?
Does she think they have like a team that comes in and
takes care of them all day?
Or do they just not do anything to take care of themselves?
What does she mean stay at home moms don’t take care of themselves?
Who does she think takes care of them?
Now, because of who I am, I am of course taking that
statement literally:
I think of taking care of ones' self as
Proper hygiene (showering, getting dressed, cutting your toenails and brushing your teeth)
Nourishing one’s self with food and water
Nurturing one’s self mentally and emotionally
Paying one’s bills, returning library books on time and
checking the mail
Voting, not dodging jury duty when you get your notice
even if it is in Lowell
Changing the oil in the car when its due, rotating the
tires and getting it inspected
Going to the dentist twice a year and the doctor once a
year
Most mom’s I know, working or stay at home, do all those
things, not just for themselves but also for their children and often times
husband as well
(and I am not in any way shape or form putting down husbands…..I also know lots of households in which moms and dads split tasks, chores and responsibilities 50/50…or 70/30…..or 60/40…or 30/70…whatever the split may be…in our house, Sean makes the beds, I clean the bathrooms; I pay the bills, he maintains the maintenance on the heating and AC system; I do the laundry, he puts it away, he makes the bed, I steal the covers)
She then went on to suggest that marriage and motherhood
are not the huge accomplishments society seems to think they are
She actually states that these are “not accomplishments,
they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them”
Apparently she does not know women who have struggled
with infertility and the heartbreak it brings
And she must be completely unaware of the whole marriage
equality battle that’s been going on because I know people who can’t get
married (and no, we’re not getting into a discussion about that being right or wrong,
my point right now is it’s not literally something anyone can do)
She wants to have a shower for a woman who backpacks
across Asia, gets a promotion, or lands a dream job
I mean what would one even register for after completing
a backpack trip across Asia?
And I’m pretty sure those would be Welcome Home Parties or
drinks on a Friday because hey! I have something to celebrate
When I was in my 20s, I used to have a celebration every
time I got paid – just because I could
Celebrate anything you want – that’s the beauty of life, you can turn anything you want into a celebration
Instead, she is upset that women who choose the house
and kid thing “which is the path of least resistance” are the ones who get all
the parties and accolades
Listen sister, if you think the house and child thing is
the path of least resistance, you should have been in my house when the water
tank let go and flooded the FINISHED basement
Better yet, come hang out with me when Lucy is having
one of her epic temper tantrums; I’ve seen her send armed men fleeing for cover
(yeah, one time in public, Lucy had a super tantrum …. she was screaming so
loudly a police officer approached us - I’m pretty sure he was coming over to make
sure I was not beating her…when he realized it was me getting beaten, saw the
contents of my shopping bag spilling and my purse overturned on the ground, he
turned and fled…what happen to serve and protect officer?!?!)
And yes, I had a wedding shower (no bachelorette party)
and I had a baby shower
And you know what I took away from those two parties?
The overwhelming sense of love my family and friends
have for me, for my husband and for my daughter
Oh sure, I got gifts and yes, there was cake and my
mom’s crab meat dip but more importantly, I was surrounded by women who love me
and were there to celebrate the adventure I was about to embark upon – be it my
marriage or
motherhood
And you know what they gave me that was even more important
than the tangible gifts?
Hope, encouragement,
love, words of wisdom, and examples to live by
These women, some who have been in my life from the
moment I was born, are all examples for me in some way shape or form
Some have had a bigger part in my life than others but they've all
influenced me somehow…..good bad or indifferent they‘ve all had some sort of an
impact on my life and that is something I treasure way more than a place
setting
I take from each of these women what they are willing to
give be it advice, cooking tips, recipes or just quiet examples of the mother,
wife and woman I want to be
The author goes on to assert that if women can do anything, why do we applaud them for doing nothing – in her world marriage and motherhood are nothing
Marriage and motherhood are nothing?
Clearly you've never been in the hospital with someone
you planned on spending the rest of your life with unsure of what will happen
in the next few hours
You've never sat next to the person you love more than
life itself and felt helpless when you've been unable to take the hurt they
feel away
Clearly, you've never sat up at night worried sick about
what the future holds for your child
Maybe you’ve you never sat up at night with a sick child
or found yourself racing to the ER in the middle of the night bargaining with
God to please let it be nothing – promising anything and everything just to
make sure nothing happens
Clearly, you've never had a fight with someone you love
so much you hurt more than they do for the words that fell from your mouth
Marriage and motherhood is nothing?
It is everything
It takes every ounce and fiber of your being to make a
marriage work
It takes mountains of unconditional love and patience to
be a mother
But yeah, I can see how that’s nothing
She states you will never have time, energy freedom or mobility
to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids
She’s actually half right on this one
When you have a husband and kids, your time, energy, freedom
and mobility are in fact severely compromised - sort of a unavoidable really…..
But I’m guessing even a single woman with her dream job
and corner office would tell you the same thing because I’m pretty sure she is
working her ass off to keep that position
And here’s where she was half wrong: I may be tired and
I may not have the energy I used to have or the freedom or the mobility or the money
but let me tell you something right now Amy Glass,
I AM STILL EXCEPTIONAL
I am a wife, a mother, and a woman
The combination of the three, and really any one on its own,
makes me exceptional
Ask Lucy how exceptional I am when I find her beloved
stuffed cat Togus she can’t sleep without
Ask my husband how exceptional I am after, well, after
we spend an evening together (yes that kind of evening, read between the
lines….)
Ask my husband and daughter how exceptional I am when I
cook their favorite meal or make them brownies
Ask my husband how exceptional I am when he looks at me
and says I am the luckiest guy in the world
Ask my daughter how exceptional I am when the only thing
that sets her world straight is a hug and a kiss from her Mum
Ask me how exceptional I am when I see the pride in the
eyes of my husband and daughter when they look at me
Ask me how exceptional I think I am when I look in the
mirror
Exceptional – you bet your fucking ass I am! I gave
birth for God’s sake! I grew another life – you GD right I am exceptional!
But in your world I’m not exceptional because I chose to be a wife and a mother
Listen lady, in my world, any woman, any person, who makes a choice and owns
it is exceptional
Whether I agree with it or not, any woman who makes a
choice is exceptional – you too are exceptional in your own warped way
And listen Amy Glass who wrote this blog, who may or
may not be doing it just to get a rise
out of people and traffic to her site,
it is hard to raise kids and manage
a household – stay at home mom or working mom, it is hard
But guess what, it’s equally hard to be a single woman
out there on your own
And you want to know why it’s so hard?
Not because of the kids, not because of our husbands,
not because of our Moms
Not because of a glass ceiling
Not because of a lack of opportunities or ambition
It’s hard because of women like you
It’s hard because we make it so hard for one another
It’s hard because rather than supporting and encouraging
one another, as women, as wives, as mother, we’re busy judging and criticizing
each for everything from our clothes choices to birth plans to formula feeding
versus breast feeding to the men we chose, our the hair color, the shoes on our
feet and every other life choice one might make
Women have an uncanny ability of tearing their own kind
apart
And I’m not talking about jealousy and envy; it is human
nature to be jealous and envious – I am of both men and women I know
But that is my burden not theirs
I work really hard at not letting my own emotion about their smaller waist or better wardrobe or bigger house or larger salary not cloud how I feel about them as a person
I work really hard at not letting my own emotion about their smaller waist or better wardrobe or bigger house or larger salary not cloud how I feel about them as a person
Look, here’s the thing, I don’t begrudge Amy for her
opinion, and I don’t even begrudge her for writing about and sharing her
opinion
I actually think it was quite brave of her – I sure as
hell don’t have the hutzpah she dose to piss off so many people and celebrate
it (I actually piss people off without even meaning or trying to…yeah, it’s a
gift I’m cursed with)
I went back and looked at some of her other blogs – I
wanted to understand where she was coming from
Her other posts had headlines like "Successful Women
Don’t Fall in Love" and "Here’s How to Cheat Proof your Relationship: Stay
Attractive"
I could not bring myself to read those posts
I could not bring myself to read those posts
But I read one called "When it Comes to Women, There’s No
Equality Gap, There’s an Ambition Gap"
This was her last paragraph:
'If we really want to close the equality gap, we need to think
about how we can close the ambition gap: encourage women to dream big, and not
to settle for a helper role.'
And I thought to myself had she not written “and not to
settle for a helper role”, had she stopped at "Encourage women to dream big," I
actually could have mustered up a teeny tiny bit of respect for her
But she had to keep going, she had to get that dig in
And that made me sad
It made me sad not only for me but for her and for the other women
in her life
I don’t know, maybe she is trying to just get traffic to her
site
Maybe she’s not even a real
Maybe this is some sort of a social experiment someone has engineered to get us all riled up
Maybe she’s really a guy
Who knows?
All I know is I am a little sad for her
It renewed my faith in women – in society, in humankind
It also reminded me that as a woman who has to make choices
every day, who gets to make choices every day, I should choose wisely
So I choose to surround myself with women and men who respect
me as a mum, as a wife, as a sister, as a cousin, as a co-worker, as a person
and as a woman
I choose to surround myself with people who respect and love
me regardless of
the number on the scale or my bank statement
what political party or church I belong to
whether I breastfed or used formula
whether I vaccinated my child or not
whether I use organic vegetables or frozen
whether I use the wrong weather and don’t catch it because I am so reliant on spell check
whether I write in run on sentences and use punctuation all wrong
the number on the scale or my bank statement
what political party or church I belong to
whether I breastfed or used formula
whether I vaccinated my child or not
whether I use organic vegetables or frozen
whether I use the wrong weather and don’t catch it because I am so reliant on spell check
whether I write in run on sentences and use punctuation all wrong
I want to be surround by people, by women, who want to be
around me for my wit and humor, for my bad jokes and stories from my drinking
days
I want to be able to turn to the people in my life for love, guidance and support with no fear of being judged
I want to be able to turn to the people in my life for love, guidance and support with no fear of being judged
I want to be surrounded by women I can trade recipes with,
who can recommend books and movies to me and ask for my recommendations
I want be around people who will share their perspective of the
world with me, who will teach me why they believe in what they believe in, but
not expect me to adopt it just because it’s their way
I choose to be around people not because they have the same
opinion I do or because we belong to the party or church, but because they too
have made their own choices and stick by them
I choose to be surround by people who are proud of their
decisions and choices no matter how hard or wrong they or anyone else thinks
they might have been
Not too long ago, someone said to me the great thing about
you Maria is I always know where I stand with you…..I may not like it but at
least I know where I stand…….I like that with you, what you see is what you get……I like that though I don’t always
agree with you and you almost never agree with me, you always respect what I
have to say….I just like you because of that – I like knowing where I stand
with you – and I like that you know where you stand in the world – not many can
say that…..
That was the best back-handed compliment I've ever received
And as the mother of a daughter, I hope that at the very least,
I can raise my daughter to be true to herself
I hope and pray that I raise her to be strong in her
convictions and beliefs
And that I teach her, by example, that whatever decisions and choices
she makes, she must own
I want the world to know where it stands with her and I want
her to know where she stands with the world
And it can all be done with mutual respect – as it should be
Amy Glass, I won’t wish for you to one day find happiness or
love for you may already have it and who am I to judge
However, I do hope that someday you can bring yourself to
respect the choices and decisions all women make even if they go against what
it is you believe
That’s the beauty of being a woman – the right to choose on
so many levels – all the rest of us ask in return is respect for the choices we've
made
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