Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Skittles


Fom Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop:

This week's prompts are inspired by the One Word resolutions submitted in a previous Writer's Workshop. Choose a word and let it inspire a blog post!

 1.) Explore. (inspired by Farewell Stranger)
2.) Release. (inspired by
Courtney Kirkland)
3.) Trust. (inspired by
Queen of Chaos)
4.) Acceptance. (inspired by
Headstrong Damsel)
5.) Creativity. (inspired by
Crossroads of the Heart)

I chose rainbow as my word of the year – at the time, I thought it was brilliant and creative albeit a bit whimsical and slightly out of character for me  

When Ire-read my post now, I have to remind myself I quit drinking years ago so I can’t blame it on any residual alcohol in my system

I know it can’t be some sort of acid flashback or any drug related flashback because drugs always scared me and pot did nothing for me

So I have nothing to blame except a fleeting moment of existentialism

I did not choose a strong word like any of the 5 listed above
I did not choose a word that invokes and awakens the strength and stamina I have within

I chose a word which made the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile
I chose a word that makes my 3 year old daughter giggle
I chose a word that mythical creatures slide down hoping to land in a pot of gold
I chose a word that is somewhere where skies are blue….a place where the dreams you dream really do come true…..where troubles melt like lemon drops…..
I chose a word people chase after
I chose a word that comes after the storm
I chose a word that is a marvel of nature and science at the same time
I chose a word that is, on its own, quite a silly word, but against the right back drop is just spectacular

But alas, my word of the year, Rainbow, did not inspire as the ones above did so let’s see what we can do…..

 I am choosing a word and letting it inspire this post…and maybe even me

Explore
Release
Trust
Acceptance
Creativity

Explore
I could explore my options
I could explore unchartered territories…probably get an island or a star named after me
I could explore the recesses of my mind and unleash my true potential and capabilities

Release
I could release the grudges and gripes I hold (yes, I hold grudges and people who say they don’t are lying….its impossible to not hold a little bit of a grudge…..admit it….)
I could release and let go of the ill will I feel towards certain people
I could release the hurt and the hard feelings I have
I could release and focus on being a bit more relaxed, in letting things go

Trust
I could vow to trust my instincts
I could promise to trust in God and expand my relationship with Him
I could begin to trust my fellow man in hope of making the world a better place

Acceptance
Or I could foster acceptance – of people and ideas that are different from my own
I could just accept what comes my way; allow things to just happen as they are meant to
I could accept my lot in life and be satisfied with it and stop the struggle for more
I could accept that no matter what, people will always judge

Creativity
I’m not sure what to do with this one
I have no artistic talent to speak of
I was asked not to be in band anymore in Jr High
I was also asked to stop volunteering for solos in the Chorus
When I try to draw something, Lucy sort of cocks her head to the side and says Oh Mumma….that’s a really good…what is that Mumma? And when I tell her what it’s supposed to be she says Ohhh, I see it now all while patting my hand sympathetically
I think I can be creative and spend hours trolling Pinterest for activities and projects to do with Lucy – and we do them with varying degrees of success but I’ve never come up with an idea myself

Creativity is a word, a practice that confounds me

I just took a brain creative test to see if there’s any hope for me….
The results basically said Good try Maria but we’re afraid you were only born with the left half of your brain…..

Creativity will not be my word of the year nor will it be inspiration for this blog
 
That leaves us with

Explore, release, trust, acceptance

Hmmm, wait, are those 4 of the 12 steps………??

Explore
Release
Trust
Acceptance

I’m waiting for one of them to inspire me

I want to explore…do I….?
Do I want to visit other countries?
Far off regions I’ve only ever seen pictures of…?
Do I want to explore my options professionally?
Do I want to explore caves?
Do I want to explore the possibility of…..of….
I don’t know that I am big enough for explore – I’m not so sure I could get behind that…..
Exploring scares me, unnerves me….
Sure it marvels and intrigues me but it can do so from the comfort of my own home and my couch

So maybe I want to release
Maybe I want to release these fears and inhibitions I have
Maybe I want to release the pent up feelings of frustration, ill will, and jealousy
Maybe I want to release the insecurities I cling to
Maybe I want to let go….let go of the securities I cling to trying to protect myself from failure
Release  - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - take a deep breath and release - -
Great, now I’m light headed

So what about trust?
Am I ready to trust wholly in God – is anybody?
I want to be and I’m pretty sure I’m almost there but my inability to release is holding me back – plus the whole death thing is just beyond my grasp
Trust in the almighty dollar? With a fiscal cliff? Please
Trust…trust in me….
I trust my husband
I trust my Mum and Dad
I trust myself most of the time
So maybe its time for me to start trusting others
Or maybe it’s time for me to trust in faith, humanity, humility and kindness….that these things will prevail…
Maybe it’s time for me to trust a psychic
Maybe trust is too big for me too

I want to accept – or do I want acceptance?
Is it acceptance of me or my acceptance of other people?
Is it my acceptance of having what I have and being satisfied?
Or is it others people acceptance of what I have and who I am?
Is it acceptance of new cultures, new foods…
Acceptance of a new layout of EW Magazine? A new Becky on Roseanne?
Can I accept that Brandon and Kelly were never a good match?
Or is it acceptance of, eek, change?

Maybe I need all of these things to inspire me….

Explore
Release
Trust
Acceptance
Creativity

What if, for just a minute, I stop
What if I were to stop and EXPLORE, with my head and my heart, what it is I need, not want
What if I were to take a deep breath and RELEASE letting go of the fear, doubt and frustration
What if I were to TRUST in God’s love for me
What if I were to show some ACCEPTANCE of what I cannot change
What if……ok CREATIVITY continues to elude me…but I gave it a go

But maybe, maybe what I’m looking for is not one word to inspire me
Maybe I need of arc of words
Words of different colors
Words that make me smile calm me after a storm, give me the courage I need to believe in the beauty of the world and God

I think I need a Rainbow…

Or Skittles, I might need Skittles.....
 
Maria the Mum

3 comments:

  1. You are awesome and while I hate to burst your bubble, all those words up there ^^^ are CREATIVE. You take words and create something wonderful with them. So shut up and eat your Skittles. xo

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  2. I agree. You ARE creative.

    Also - Sometimes, no matter the question, the answer is Skittles.

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  3. Now, how creative was that! Your post was funny and inspiriational. One of the most up-beat posts I've read. And to read that in January, was sunshiny and colorful! I love your word Rainbow. It's perfect!

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