From Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous World Famous Writer's Workshop
5.) Share an embarrassing moment (these are always fun to read)
I'm pretty sure my life is just one big embarrassing moment.....which means
I don't get too embarrassed though I do from time to time feel badly for doing
whatever it is I've done
Like last week when I introduced a Mom at daycare to my husband and used the
wrong name for her (I used the name of another Mom I met at the same time)
She graciously corrected me and said don't worry, it happens all the time...
Which I'm not sure how given that the other woman is Indian and she is not
Then there was my very first job interview ever
I stepped into the filled to capacity elevator and asked someone to press
floor 15...I was going straight to the top!
I decided to make small talk and said to the fellow next to me,
You're headed to 15 too?
Yes he sort of grunted
Hope it’s not your job I'm interviewing for (har har har)
Your skirt is caught in the door he replies
What? I yell, Oh my God! Shit!!!
Now instead of just giving the skirt a gentle tug, or possibly just letting
it stay there, I drop two more expletives and nimbly slip out of my skirt and
let it fall to the floor
And by nimbly I mean yanking it down as fast as I could thereby ripping off
the button while falling into the man beside (me whose job I had just
threatened) because my shoe got caught in the skirt as I tried to yank it off
He fell into the two men in very expensive suits next to him who pushed the
woman next to them backwards who fell on top of the woman next to her who
turned out to be the Director of the Center
I did all this to avoid being pulled up off the elevator floor...which in
hindsight I'm sure probably would not have happened
I had to go through my interview with the top of my skirt rolled down into
my underwear so it would not fall off and then, I was sent down the hall to
take a competency test administered by the woman who was pushed by the two men
into the Director
Then, I had to go to HR and was paired up with the guy whose job I threatened
I got the job and on my first day, during Orientation, the Director came in
to address the class of recruits and she did a double take when she saw me in
the third row
At lunch, the class decided to all go out together
We were standing at the elevator when the Director walked out with two other
She said hello to us and when the doors opened, we waited for her to get on
the elevator before we moved
Instead, Rita turned, looked at me and said
I really think it would be best if you get in first......
Then there was the time I rammed (accidentally) my grocery cart into a
display of gravy jars which of course fell over breaking at least 7 jars....of maybe 10
Gravy splattered everywhere and at least 6 or more jars rolled down the aisle
When someone from the store came over, I blamed the kid who had just
gone running out of the aisle laughing at me as I slipped through the gravy
trying to hold up the rest of the display
Another time, I farted in front of my co-workers (and by another time, I
mean like two weeks ago) while I was imitating the way someone in our office
comes bounding down the hallway
And then there was the time I had just given birth to Lucy
I invited a friend and her husband to come to the hospital to see me (which
I don't remember doing, I was pretty out of it)
At some point, I have no idea how, I accidentally flashed my friend's
husband - he still can't look me in the eye
I however have no recollection of it happening so I'm good
Not too long ago, I wrote a heartfelt post about going to England and how
much I enjoyed this one particular place....and I spelled the name
of it wrong in my post....and published it......
And here's why I was single for so long:
One time, I went out with this guy like 3 times - and really liked him -
I thought it was going well
He lived in my apartment building in Naperville
We met when he helped me with a bag I had dropped down three flights of
stairs - nothing says Hey! Wanna go out with me?!? like a box of tampons, new
underwear, a scale and a bag of snack size Snickers
On our fourth date, I thought hmm, he really likes me - he laughs at my
jokes, we like the same books and movies....this has potential
After dinner, he walked me back to my car
I thought he was going to come in for a kiss but instead he says
I'm not so sure I want to keep seeing you
Oh, okay....I say and just sort of trailed off because really, what was I
supposed to say
Look, you make me laugh, you are fun to be with and it doesn't even bother me our politics
are way different......well, it’s just that we've been on 4 dates and had at
least a dozen phone conversations and you're still calling me by the wrong name
and when I correct you, you still call me by the wrong name
Wait what? You're name isn't Tom?
No, it's Noel
Oooohhh, I thought you were saying No well....I wondered why you kept saying
No, well after I said something but then never followed up with anything...
I was waiting for you to make your point about No well what...... but you never did -
So your name is Noel?
Why was I calling you Tom?
I have no idea
It's not your last name?
Oh shit, well look, I am so sorry..... maybe someday we can laugh about this?
No I don't think so...I think it just means you aren't a good listener....and that's sort of important to me
True - fair point - you're right.....
Are you sure your
name isn't Tom?
No well what?
Maria the Mum