Conversation I had with Lucy in the car the other night on the way home
Lucy honey, please stop picking your nose
Sorry Mumma, but there's stuff stuck in there
Ok well, when we get home, we'll get a tissue and clean your nose out
Ok Mumma, thanks
A few moments pass and I glance at Lucy in the mirror
She's deep in thought
What are you thinking Luce Goose?
Mumma, do you think God picks his nose?
Do you think Jesus used to pick his nose when he was a little boy? Do you think Jesus picks his nose now?
I don't know Lucy....I never thought about it
'cause God and Jesus have noses and sometimes noses have to be picked
Well who would know Mumma? Who knows God and Jesus?
Oh never mind Mumma, I'll just ask Noni, I bet she knows God
Conversation I had with Lucy a couple weeks ago the day after she ate two ears of corn for dinner....and at said dinner, I had teased her, as she finished her second ear of corn and asked for a third, that she'd poop corn for the next week if she ate any more
Good thing we're out of corn then Mumma!
Yes, I agreed, good thing
The next day, after dinner, I asked Lucy if she pooped and if so, was there corn in her poop (because we all look at our poop right?!?!)
What are you asking me Mumma?
Did you poop today Lucy?
She screws up her face and asks in a most incredulous voice
You mean in my pants?!?!?!
No honey, in the potty, did you poop in the potty? I just want to know if you pooped today, specifically if there was corn in your poop
You so weird Mumma.......
(again, please see why I am not mature enough to be 41)
Conversation I had with Lucy when I returned home last weekend from a solo trip to Maine
So Mumma, how was your visit with Noni and Papa?
It was good Lucy, I had a really nice time
Oh...that's good....did they ask where I was?
Well, they knew you were staying here with Daddy
Oh, well, did they miss me?
They did honey
Bet they didn't miss my epic temper tantrum I had last time I was there....
No, no they did not Lucy
Conversation I had with Lucy as we were waiting in the car for Sean
He came into view and she says
There he is! There's my handsome Daddy!
Yep, here he comes Lucy
Mumma will he still be handsome when I grow up?
Yes honey, your Dad will always be handsome to you
Yeah........he'll just be old when I grow up
Conversation I had with Lucy while brushing our teeth the other morning
You better brush your teeth really hard, you have pretty bad breath this morning
Conversation I had with Lucy about getting more pets
Mumma, can I get a hamster? And a dog? And maybe a lizard?
Lucy! You have two cats and a fish already!
Yeah but when one of them dies, I'll need a new pet so I won't be sad.....I'm just tellin' you what will make me happy when Ziggy dies....
Conversation I had with Lucy about what kind of dog she wants
Mumma, I want a wolf dog!
Yeah Mumma, I love their eyes and their ears and I love how they look like a wolf
A wolf dog huh?
Yeah....and if we can't get a wolf dog, I want a German Shepard
And Mumma, if I can't get a wolf dog or a German Shepard, I'll take a Chihuahua
A wolf dog, a German Shepard or a Chihuahua?
That's quite a list to choose from Lucy
Yeah, I like all kinds of dogs....big and small
Any other small dogs you like Lucy?
You mean 'cause we have a small house? No......I'll just wait until we get a bigger house with a big yard and then we can get a big dog....or two Chihuahuas 'cause two would be like be like one big one
Oh, so you have this all figured out already?
Yep, and Daddy already said yes.....
Conversation I had with Lucy earlier this week
Mumma, is it almost your birthday?
It is honey, on Friday
Not this day?
No honey, not this day, today is Tuesday, my birthday is on Friday
So not this day?
And not the day after this day
No honey, tomorrow is Wednesday...in three more sleeps, it will be Friday
Hmm, I'm 4....then I'm gonna be 5
And I forget Mumma, how old are you
40?!? Mumma 40 is like 4 but with a 'orty?
Sure Lucy, that's one way of looking at it
So after 40 are you gonna be...Mumma what's 5 with a 'orty called?
I think Lucy you are thinking of 50 but no, I'm not going to be 50, 50 does not come after 40, 41 does so Mumma's gonna be 41
Are you sure Mumma?
Are you sure you are not gonna be 50?
Hmm well, I'll check with Miss Barbara and Miss Julie
Honey I'm telling you 41 comes after 40, 50 is not for like another 9 years...shit, I'm gonna be 50 in 9 years
You shouldn't say shit Mumma
Conversation Sean and I had with Lucy in the car the Sunday on the way to the grocery store
Mumma, you're not supposed to say Oh my God unless you're praying right?
And you can only say Jesus when you're praying
And you can't say stupid or shut up
And if you make a mistake you can't say sh..
Sean interrupts her and says
When you make a mistake or forget something you can say something like Darn it! Remember Friday when Daddy forgot the strawberries at the store and I said Darn it! I forgot strawberries? Darn it, darn it darn it!
No Daddy, you said Shit! I forgot the strawberries! Shit, shit, shit!
No I didn't Lucy!
Yeah Daddy, I heard you say Shit! I forgot the strawberries, shit, shit, shit!
Lucy Ellen! I said Darn it! Maria I did not say shit!
No Daddy, I'm pretty sure you said Shit! And I said Daddy! You can't say shit and you said well I forgot the strawberries! Shit, shit, shit!
Sean by now is out of the car and laughing without making a sound as tears stream down his face
Guys, I say, enough arguing and no more saying shit
Mumma, you shouldn't say shit! Daddy! Mumma said shit......
Maria the Mum