All by Myself

Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop has asked, in the form of prompt,

3.) List the top 10 things you miss about being alone. (Inspired by The Little Hen House)

The easiest thing in the world for a Mum to do is make a list
We make lists all the time:

Grocery lists
Things for the husband to do
Things for the husband to not do
To Do Lists for ourselves (laundry and dishes and cleaning and grocery shopping)
Christmas Card lists
Thank you card lists
Guests lists
Things for the kids to do
Things for the kids not to do
List of allergies
List of medications
List of what wine should be served with what meal (OK, this is not a real list for me because I'm just going to serve you beer...and probably not even offer you a glass)

So to make a list of things I miss about being alone......

That may be the easiest list yet:

1. Sleep: A night of uninterrupted sleep....even just a nap

2. Watching TV: Not Diego or Yo Gabba Gabba or (insert a Disney movie here) but an hour long drama or a sitcom, or an uninterrupted grown up movie

3. Privacy: No one throwing the shower curtain open to ask if my boobies are OK or leaning on my knees while I'm trying to go to the bathroom or asking why I'm reading a magazine on the potty or if what I get for a prize for going on the potty

4. Reading: And by that I mean finishing a book in one sitting...or at least in less than a month

5. Eating my own meal: Not that I mind sharing (OK, maybe a little when it comes to food) but I would like to make it through breakfast without having kid slobber on my toast or eggs

6. Swearing: Maybe its just me but I miss dropping F bombs. There's something about that word that can be so freeing

7. A clean house: I'm not talking so clean you could eat off the floor clean. I'm just talking no toys spread about, no melted crayon on the hardwood floor, no stickers decorating the trash can, the floor, the dishwasher and the fish tank, no piles of books or rocks or stuffed animals clean

8. Quiet: Just plain old silence, no noise of any kind, just quiet

9. Road Trips: Getting in the car and just driving to no where in particluar without having to stop or pack snacks or three sets of clothes, a first aid kits, a stroller, toys, books, diapers, boots, hats, raincoats, sweat shirts, wipes, and or anything thing one may need when traveling with a little britches type person

10. Thinking for and of no one but me: Making my decision based on my wants and needs not anyone elses'. Doing what I want to do when I want to do it and not having to think about how it will impact anyone but me

An easy list indeed....

One my 20 something self would relish.....

But one my almost 40 self finds depressing and a little selfish....and wonders why I would want those things:

1. Uninterrupted sleep means no one tapping me on the forehead to ask me if its time for her birthday party yet or if Santa has been here yet. No one tugging on my covers because she missed me and wants a snuggle. No waking up with Lucy cuddled up against me
I'd rather be woken up than miss any of that

2. I actually like Go Diego and Yo Gabba Gabba has some pretty good music. And, I've come to appreciate the beauty and lessons of the Disney movies through the eyes of a 3 year old. Besides, not watching live TV anymore, relying on the DVR and Netflix, means no commercials and fast forwarding through the boring and or scary parts

3. It actually makes me laugh when Lucy throws the shower curtain open and yells at my boobies. Sure, I (and Sean) miss me shaving my legs but who are we kidding, I never shaved every day anyway. And Lucy's right, how come I don't get a prize for going on the potty???

4. This is tough for me as I love reading but I am rediscovering the books of my youth and can't wait to start reading proper chapter books with Lucy. Reading with Lucy and watching her fall into the story and ride away with the characters is far more rewarding than finishing a book in one sitting

5. I love food - I love eating it, smelling it, making it, tasting it, savoring it....I love food. Why not share something I love with someone I love?! And who are we kidding, we all know that eggs taste better with ketchup and slobber

6. I still swear and Sean scolds me for it. I don't drop as many F bombs aloud as I used to but they are still freeing in the quiet of my own head. Swearing isn't lady like anyway so its not a bad thing to give up

7. Clean houses are overrated. I mean who really, who wants to walk into a house and feel like you can;t touch anything for fear of leaving a smudge or fingerprint on a surface. Personally, I think the melted crayons on the floor, the stickers on various surfaces and all the piles of whatever wherever add a bit of whimsy and charm to the place........and the house being messy makes it Home

8. The noise that fills my head now are Lucy's screams and hollers of delight as Daddy Monster chases her though the house. Her shrieks and giggles when he catches her (and his shrieks and giggles as well) Her voice asking me for a kiss or a hug, telling me she loves me. Sean reading to her as I make dinner. Her whines, her cries, her tantrums may wear me down but also renew my resolve to be stronger than her...which makes me stronger for her. Lucy's singing, her litany of questions and observations...her running commentary on life is way better than quiet......and a lot more validating

9. So now our road trips are to the Kitty Farm or a park or a playground instead of just driving until we no longer feel like driving or getting lost on purpose
And yes, the car is a bit messier and it takes me longer to get things ready
And every time we travel somewhere, we look like we're going for a month instead of a weekend.
But when we get there, when we get to that some place new, the sheer excitement and awe and appreciation on Lucy's face make the over packed car worth it.
And when we go someplace old, someplace we've been before, her excitement of being there again, her appreciation for who were are seeing or what we are doing, her level of comfort and familiarity....
Well, all that outweighs the over packed car

10. Thinking about someone else when I do or say things has made me a better person
I make better decisions because of the two people in my life
Without them, without having changed my way of thinking, who knows where I'd be
As happy as I am now?
Maybe....but probably not
As fulfilled as I am now?
Maybe...but who can say for sure
My life, my way of life, my way of thinking has changed for the better
Am I still the same person I was?
No, of course not
Becoming a wife and then a mother changes who you were, its impossible to not change weather we want to admit to it or not.
Do I still have the same core values, beliefs and morals?
Yes - yes I do - and they are actually stronger because now I do think about others before I make my decisions
Does it mean I don't think for myself?
No, absolutely not - I still do all my own thinking, I just take a bit more into consideration.....

10 Things I miss about being alone?
There's actually only one:

Not having what I have now............

Maria the Mum