Yesterday a Toddler, Today a Panda

Lucy

Today you are a Panda!

A what?!?

A Panda!

You are officially a preschoooler and today is your first day in Pre-School I, as a Panda, that’s the class mascot (In Preschool II, you become a llama!)

Every time I said you're a Panda, you'd correct me and say

No Mama! I a Polar Bear!

You desperately want to be a Polar Bear right now

We found out a couple weeks ago you'd be making the move and our first reaction was we’re not ready for this!!!! How can she be in preschool already, we just got to Toddler III!!! No no no!!! Stop growing up!!!

Funny how as parents the first thing we think about is us....not about you but about how you're milestone impacts us.....I know that sounds terribly selfish but believe it or not, it is harder for us to let you grow up then it is for you to actually grow up...so let me apologize in advance for the next 16 years and the way I'm pretty sure we will embarrass you at every school function we attend, your graduations, your proms and whatever else may come up.,....I'll apologize for your wedding day in a few years....

Anyway, from the moment we found out you would be moving up, okay, maybe not "the moment" as we spent a day in shock in denial, we’ve been talking up preschool:

We've been talking about how you’ll be with all your boys again (Jack, Nathan, Rye-guy, and Alex)

We've talked about how Caiti is going with you so you won’t be alone.

We've talked about how much bigger the room is, that there are more books AND, that now you get to be on the BIG side of the playground!!!!

This worked until you asked what about Rika and Ali, which was about 3 minutes after we talked up preschool

My Rika and my Ali come to preschool too Mama?

Oh honey, well, no...Rika and Ali will stay in Toddler III; the other kids still need them

You pondered this for a moment and came back with this:

But Mama, if I in Toddler III and I going to preschool and Rika and Ali are in Toddler III, then they go to preschool next too!

You stumped me Lucy....at 2.5 years of age, you have logic all figured out and I got nothing.....all I could do was rumple your hair and tell you you were going to be a great Panda...and you corrected me and told me you were going to be a Polar Bear

I'm not worried about you moving up Boo; neither is Daddy. We think you'll do great and the new challenges are just what you need.

Having said that, I know how much you love Rika and Ali and I know how hard it is going to be for you to leave them....they have given you so much over the past 8 months: love, guidance, discipline, routine, laughs, more love, hugs and kisses. They have set an incredible example for you...one that Mummy and Daddy appreciate and respect.

They give you everything they have........Ali brings you library books that you gobble up and Rika gives the best hugs. They both encourage and foster your love of "reading" and marvel at your love of animals. They admire your T Shirts (Ali loves the play doh one) and your stuffed animals....and it makes them laugh that every stuffed animal has its own unique name (Percy Penguin, Mickey Moose, Wilbur Whale, Puppy Jack)

Monday, I dropped you off at school as Daddy was sick (poor Daddy you said as you stood next to the bed and rubbed his cheek. Mama, what wrong with him you asked me. He's got a cold Lucy, he'll be ok...Be brave Daddy you told him as you patted his hand before paddling out of the room....)

On the way to school, I talked up preschool and being a Panda...you weren’t buying it.

You never cried but you begged and pleaded in the softest saddest little voice

Mama please! I just want to be with Rika and Ali! I love them Mama

Mama please, I just want to be a Toddler 3, not a Panda!

Mama I'll miss Rika and Ali...I need them...please Mama?!?

Mama please let me be with Rika, I promise I'll be good

I was fine until that last one, and then admittedly, a tear slipped down my cheek

I reminded you I loved you and that your move to preschool is not a punishment.....it’s just part of becoming a big girl. Moving up means its time to learn more about animals, and how to write your name. Moving up means new friends, more books to read, and new toys to play with.

You tried to reason with me

Mama, Rika can teach me to write my name and Ali brings me books!
Mama please, I just love them so much!

You walked down the hall with a brave face but when you heard Rika's voice in the next room, your bottom lip quivered...so did mine. I put your things away excitedly showing you your new cubby, pointing out your name and birthday on the wall.

You just leaned against the wall listening to Rika and Ali laugh.

Mama they having so much fun, I miss them...I need a Rika hug.....

Mama! I need Rika and Ali...Mama Rika wants me! She's callin' me Mama!

You tried to open the door and I tried to distract you pointing out the new things in the room

The teachers and kids were over in Pre-School II and I tried to get you to go see them….but you just looked longingly at the door and craned your neck trying to catch a glimpse of Rika or Ali out the window

Lucy I can see Miss Barbara...you met her last week and we really liked her...and she has a turtle called Teddy!

You looked me in the eye and said

Rika has THREE turtles and I like Rika the best!

I kept plugging away Luce! I talked about how great Miss Lynne is...and we know she has to be great because she's Kylie's Mom and taught Kylie how to be a teacher and we loved having Kylie as a teacher....

Rika is a good teacher Mama, so Ali!

I was sinking fast

So I told you Miss Andrea and Miss Stacey are so excited to have you in their class...and I bet they can’t wait to see which books are your favorites

Ali knows ALL my favorite books Mama!

Oh Boo...all I could do was reach down and hug you. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a bucket full of animals.

Lucy, I whispered, I see some animals....

Where Mama?

I pointed and you wandered over. You pulled the basket out and looked...

Mama! They have a polar bear! And a lion! And a elephant!

Lucy! Look at all these books over here!

You came over and marveled at all the books that were at your level....

What do you think, I asked, ready to give preschool a try?

A nod gave me the incentive I needed to take your hand and walk next door to Miss Barbara’s room

Miss Barbara immediately knew you were a bit emotional and distracted you with all the things in her room. You were captivated for a moment and I leaned down to kiss you goodbye when you looked up at me and whispered

I miss Ali, I miss Rika...I love them Mama

I know honey, and I'm sure they miss you too. But be brave....ok? Rika would want you to be brave and have fun in preschool

You muttered OK and turned your attention to some beans in a bucket

I kissed your head and told you to have a fun day

You went off with Caiti and Miss Barbara and for the first time in over two years, since your first drop off at your first day care, I cried on my way to work.

I felt terrible for you Lucy! You love Rika and Ali so fiercely and I know this move is hard and makes no sense in your head right now.....and I know that within a few days, you'll not be looking back but today, today it hurt me as much as it hurt you....

I wish I could tell you this is the worst thing you will ever have to deal with....that this is the worst you will ever feel.....but I can’t and its not

What I will tell you is I love you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes and I could not be more proud of you...or more proud to be your Mum....same goes for Daddy

I can tell you Rika and Ali love you as much as you love them and they miss you too

I can tell you the impression they made on you, weather you realize it or not, will be with you for years to come and as your Mum, for that I am grateful. They set the bar for the expectations you will have for people in your life....I could not pick better examples to live by

I can tell you leaving behind people you love with all your heart, or being left behind, hurts more than anything in the whole world...but you will always have someone to hug and love you....because you will always have Daddy and I….never forget that

I will tell you that though you may be happy with where you are in life and who you have in your life, there is always room for new and more friends....welcome them as you want to be welcomed

I can tell you Lucy that as you move through life, cherish the experiences and people whose path you cross and whose paths cross yours....and learn from them...learn the good, the bad, the fun and the sad...and be thankful for it

I will tell you that new places, new people, change, is scary and unsettling....but sometimes, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself

And I will tell you, remind you, that the love your Dad and I have for you is unconditional....even if you come home and tell me you're a Democrat, my arms will always be open for you.....you come home a Yankees fan, all bets are off

Lastly Lucy Ellen, I will tell you that whatever life, whatever God has in store for you, I know you will handle it with grace, humility, charm, humor and love.....make yourself proud and that will make Daddy and I proud........

I am, today, tomorrow and always,

...loving you to the moon and back,

...proud to be your Mum,

...hoping that you keep God in your thoughts as he keeps you in his

Love Mummy

I'm Holding out for a Hero

You guessed it, a Mama Kat writing prompt: #5 Write about a childhood hero

I'm not convinced I had a hero as a child.....I'm not sure I knew what a hero was.
But there was a long list of people I emulated (not that I knew what emulated was as a kid but, I knew I wanted to be just like these people)

I was sure that when I grew up, because I wanted to be, I would be just like......

Nancy Drew: she was smart, pretty, drove a convertible, she solved crime and mysteries....and her friends had cool names (Bess and George, does not get cooler than that) and, her house had a library in it with built in book shelves and all

Harriet the Spy: she wore glasses (like me), she kept a journal, she had a nanny, she lived in the city and, she was a spy

Anastasia Krupnick: she had a cool name, kept a journal, lived in a tower room and wore glasses...a tower room...how cool would that be

A nun: I loved Church and Sunday School. I may have been the only kid who looked forward to Sunday. And at one point, I remember making the decision to be a nun...it may or may not have been shortly after I watched the movie Song of Bernadette. I think I wanted to talk to God, I wanted to understand what he had in store for me and I also wanted to know if he could stop the world...not from spinning...I wanted him to stop time rather than the world...I still do....anyway, I figured if I were a Nun, I'd have more clout with him.....but then, I found out if I were a nun, I could not be.........

John Travolta's Girlfriend: Nun's cannot have boyfriends....I did not know this at the time but when I found out that nun's could not have boyfriends (Sister Catherine boxed my ears for asking), I decided that dream would have to wait as John needed me....I don't even know if he had a girlfriend at the time. All I know is I saw Grease and fell in love. And, I had this shirt:

Who would not want to be this man's girlfriend?!?!?! I was in the third grade and I was convinced John Travolta would wait for me...he did not but, I'm pretty sure he bought his summer home in Maine because he knew I lived there and maybe, just maybe he would bump in to me

Mrs Hooper: she was my first grade teacher. And she wore turtlenecks, pretty necklaces, long skirts, had short hair and glasses (like me) and she was the best teacher. And she loved reading......and, she let me read ahead and, she told me it was okay I could not draw as well as the other kids because I read better than they did.... I wanted to be a teacher because of her...part of me still does

Mrs Capen: Peggy, Peggy, Peggy. When I was in Jr High, I was a student volunteer at the public library which was attached to the school. Mrs Capen was the new librarian and I was the first of her volunteers...I did it all 3 years I was there. I'm pretty sure she was a divorcee. Anyway, I was a student volunteer and just adored her. The other kids thought she was mean...she wasn't...she just did not put up with their antics because frankly, she did not care who your parents were, she was not going to let you do what you thought you should be able to do.
She knew ALL about books and she let me read whatever I wanted...she would encourage it. And I could talk to her about any book I had read....I don't think I ever read a book that she had not read...amazing. And, she would let me read the new books the library got even before they were put on the shelves. Plus, she talked to me, not at me but to me and with me....and she talked to me like I was a grown up not a kid...and, she knew all the good gossip in town about EVERYONE (and she did not even live in our town). She was awesome...I totally wanted to be her when I grew up. I think she may still be there at the old public library.....I wanted to be a librarian because of her....part of me still does

Margaret Chase Smith: it was hard to be a young girl in Maine and not want to grow up to be Margaret Chase Smith. She was the first woman to serve in both houses of Congress (first as a Representative then a Senator) and she was the first woman to represent Maine in either capacity. She was a Republican, and until 2011, she was the longest serving female in the Senate. She had great hair, wore pearls and even had her face on a stamp. She was witty and wry and stood up to Joseph McCarthy (if you don't know her Declaration of Conscience, I strongly encourage you to read it)
She challenged John F Kennedy as a peer and as President and among the other classy things she did, she placed a rose upon JFK's old Senate desk the day after his assassination.
She was Margaret Chase Smith.....and is still one of the people I look up to....
One time, I thought I wanted to be in public office because of her...but I had way too much fun my last year in college and in my 20's to ever run for public office

Maria von Trapp his unruly kids (though I don't think he was as handsome or they were as unruly as the movie made them out to be)......and because she escaped the Nazis and opened a ski lodge in Vermont! Who outruns the Nazis, moves to Vermont and opens a ski lodge?!? How can you not admire that? Plus, she could sing, play guitar and was a nun...and, we shared the same first name so it would have been an easy transition to being her

Daisy Buchanan: I read the Great Gatsby when I was probably too young to be reading the Great Gatsby. When I read it years later, I understood it a whole lot better....nonetheless, when I read it in the 5th grade, it did not stop me from wanting to be Daisy. She was always the belle of the ball. She was flirtatious and fun loving. She was sassy and frivolous. She was mysterious, full of money and a dreamer. And she was cynical and flawed and selfish and yet she still captured the heart of a man who adored her...flaws and all

King Arthur: I totally wanted to be King Arthur (but a Queen, and instead of Arthur I was going to be Agnes....I have no idea why I latched onto that name but I did) A castle, Camelot, Knights of the Round Table...seriously, I still want to be King (Queen) Arthur (Agnes)...to have a table full of men willing to do whatever you asked of them....hmm...never thought about that until just now....

Mark Twain: crazy hair, a steamboat pilot, wrote books and essays, had multiple pen names (one being Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass) used naughty language, was wildly funny and satirical, smoked a pipe, was born and then died with Halley's Comet.....Mark Twain was a literary bad ass before we even knew what a literary bad ass was...why would one not want to be Mark Twain?

You know, it is starting to become clear to me why the kids on the bus picked on me....


Maria the Mum

Ode to Joy

Though I missed linking up last week, thought I'd still share
From Mama Kat, Prompt 5: What brings you joy in good time (and bad)? Inspired by Oprah.

Joy: noun: 1. a feeling of great pleasure and happiness; 2. a thing that causes joy

What brings me joy.......

Waking up between Sean and Lucy
Lucy's laugh
Sean's laugh
Clean sheets on the bed
Laundry folded, ironed and put away
Sean's smile
Lucy's smile
A full belly
A table surrounded by loved ones
The sound of Lucy running across a room
The sound of Lucy and Sean talking to one another
Seeing Sean walk through the door each night
Seeing Lucy run across the room to me
Knowing my loved ones are safe and sound and have their health
Being a wife
Being a Mum
10.27.04, 11:40pm
04.16.09, 11:35pm
05.26.07, 1:30pm
Hugging
Sun Showers
A bowl of blueberries and strawberries
A plate of good cheese, a few figs, a handful of grapes and crusty bread
A full moon in a sky full of stars
Christmas Morning
Lucy holding my hand
Sean holding my other hand
Buying/giving presents for/to other people
Books
The Public Garden
Playgrounds
Ice Cream
A clean desk
An empty In Box
Sand between my toes
Sean
Lucy
Sean, Lucy and I together.....happiness.....JOY

Maria the Mum

Hugging

Conversation at the dinner table last night.......
(preface: we were talking about Lucy's friends who are mostly boys...Caiti may be the only girl she actually considers a friend)

Daddy: Lucy, is Logan your boyfriend?

Lucy: NO Daddy! My Boy is! Brendan!

Daddy: Brendan is your boyfriend?!?

Lucy: (giggle giggle tee hee tee hee) Yeah Daddy! Brendan is my boyfriend!!

Mummy: Do you even know what a boyfriend is Lucy?

Lucy: FOR HUGGING!!!!

If only life were that simple.....

Maria the Mum

Hit It!

See that Facebook 'Like' button up there? Go on…you know you wanna click it…

Girl's Got Skills....all but one....

Do you know what my day job is? I'm the office manager/controller/business manager (whatever you call it in your world) for a $20 million dollar company

I oversee payables and receivables, I monitor the bank activity, I control a $1.5 million dollar line of credit. I have total signing authority on bank checks and company documents. I prepare weekly and monthly financial statements, review job profitability reports, work with our accountant prepping for year end close out and corporate taxes. I file sales tax reports, OSHA reports and register us to do business in states we've never worked in. I've implemented a new software, switched out computers and programmed office phones. I deal with employee benefits, commercial lines of insurance, audits, Union Benefits, and job searches. I can order office equipment, change the toner in the copier and faxes, clear paper jams, and the Unions....

Know what I can't do?

Figure out how to add the silly Facebook LIKE button to my blog

Maria the Mum

Whatever Shall I do?

As inspired by another blogger I read on a pretty regular basis, Metropolitan Mama, who asked
What are your hopes and dreams for 2012? Let me hear ‘em. Outrageous or Ordinary. GO.

I liked her list because as she noted, all are attainable, do-able, achievable.....maybe not all this year, probably not in this order but I want to do all these things....and some are exactly what you'd expect from me, and some may surprise you as they surprised me.....but here is what I want to do....

I want to: 

1. Get back to Church on a more regular basis
2. Finish and maintain the list of books I want for Lucy - the characters and authors I want her to "meet"
3. Start acquiring said books
4. Learn the names of the new Red Sox Roster
5. Forgive myself for whatever transgressions I can't seem to let go of
6. Take a family vacation - not travel to visit family, not to attend some one's wedding or a family function....I want to take a real vacation - where we spend our days in our swim suits....skip baths and showers, wear the same clothes two days in a row ice cream stains and all. I want to spend our days lounging, reading books, napping, dipping our toes in the water...I want to sit outside as the night falls with our cheeks warmed by a fire and S'mores in our bellies. I want to catch fireflies, collect rocks and vow at the end of the week to return to the same spot next year or the year after for a family vacation
7. Finally own the perfect black dress
8. Lose the weight I lost before but seem to have found again
9. Have professional photos done of Lucy and of us as a family
10. Start volunteering somewhere - its been many years since I did that, and I miss the sense of fulfillment it brought to my life and the lives of the people I did it for and with
11. That volunteer work to be something Lucy and Sean can do with me
12. Keep having a date night with my husband once a month - even if it is just watching a movie after Lucy has gone to bed without folding laundry, dusting, filing or working simultanously
13. To reconnect with family and friends
14. Own a house that has a front porch, a library with built in bookcases and a kitchen that is big enough for people to sit in while we cook and bake
15. Organize the shelf ion the basement and Lucy's craft center
16. Finish framing and hanging up Lucy's art work
17. Teach Lucy to ride a bike...and then get new bikes for Sean and I so the three of us can bike ride together...we used to love bike riding
18. Hang the pictures of family and friend on the walls of the staircase as I keep envisioning in my head
19. Shannon, over here, has inspired me to consume less this year....I see her challenge...my favorite is her emphasis on experiences versus material goods....personally, I think she is already pretty good at this....you should see some of the places/events she takes her son! Anyway, I'm so with her on this one...I'll work up to the cloth napkins but I am certainly going to be more aware of my consumption levels (let's hope that also spills over to my pizza and ice cream consumptions)
20. Visit Prince Edward Island
21. Get published
22. Take Lucy on a Whale Watch - oh how she loves whales...and seals and dolphins and penguins
23. Listen more speak less
24. Be a teacher...is it time for a career change? Or do I want to be a librarian...but in a school...do they still have librarians in school like they did when I was a kid? Maybe I should work in the children's section at a public library....I think what I REALLY want to do is be somewhere doing something to inspire kids to read...to instill in children not just a love of reading but a love for the characters they are reading about, the places they are visiting as they turn the pages of the book...teacher, children's librarian....bookstore....? I want to figure that out...maybe it ties in with volunteer work....
25. Relax....not like oh, I worked hard today, let me relax...just relax, take a deep breath, look around, appreciate what I see, hear and smell....just relax
26. Treat others as I want to be treated....tried but true
27. Stop swearing! I have a terrible potty mouth and it seems to be getting progressively worse
28. Try running -seriously. I know more people who have taken up running and love it. Now the last time I ran for fun was probably when Annette, Brandon and I would run from the car to the bar every Friday after work but I'm thinking maybe I can pull it off...anyway, I know a couple of people have had great luck with the Beginner's Guide 30-30, I think I'll give it a go
29. Get Sean the desk he wants for his work space at home
30. Go to the Lake District in Northern England and see where Beatrix Potter lived
31. Go back to Savannah, GA, Charleston, SC, and see the Outer Banks
32. Go to Cape Cod
33. Go hang gliding...inspired by none other than watching episodes of Go Diego Go...odd I'd like to do this given my fear of heights and flying
34. Go on a cruise
35. See the sunrise and the sunset on the same day at the top of Cadillac Mountain in Acadia National Park
36. Hike to the top of Cadillac
37. Stay on Moosehead Lake for a week
38. Learn how to take a good photo...from behind the camera
39. Make Sean his favorite dinner for his birthday or our anniversary....even if it is liver and onions
40. Turn 40 with dignity and pride 

And that, I think, is a good stopping place.....though I reserve the right to tweek, maintian and edit

Maria the Mum