My heart was all a flutter

Lucy has not been sleeping well for a few days so suffice to say, we are a bit sleep deprived. Add that to how busy work has been for both of us, the rising cost of heating oil (we just filled our tank last week) and the everyday stresses of life (Sean's commute, my battle with the scale, Lucy's need to push every single button both her parents have) and it's safe to say that I'm a bit close to the edge.

Tuesday was a particularly stressful day at work. By 3, my brain was fried and I actually said out loud now would be a great time for Day Care to call me and tell me I have to come get Lucy...anything to get me out of here. I said it in jest...but 20 minutes later, Day Care called me

Lucy was fine, no fever but they wanted me to be aware she had been a bit off all day, did not eat lunch and spent most of her nap coughing. So I told Jackie I'd finish up what I was doing and head over early to get her.

Now what I was doing was re-doing something someone had already done - it took him days to do it and I had about 2 hours to pull it all together...from scratch...I was midway through when Jackie called and my boss called 30 minutes after that wanting to know where I was with it - 30 more minutes I said, I'm almost there. He wanted to know if there were a lot of mistakes; was the first number really that far off?? I snorted, he grunted, I told him he'd have it in his email within 30, 45 minutes tops.

I hit send less than 40 minutes later, flew out the door with a hard copy in my hand and dialed my boss's number before I was even in the car. We were on the phone for the 12 minutes it took me to get to Day Care and by the time I hung up, I was in a tizzy.....just because I can't believe some of the shenanigans we have to deal with....and the fact that I had to re-do something that was started 3 weeks ago...and I did it in 2 hours...

I was still a bit nerved up from rushing through it...and then started thinking of what I needed to do when I got home (Lucy settled, run to the grocery store as Sean was having a work colleague over for dinner Wednesday, make lunches, clean up the house a bit and try to get a load of laundry in....) and got myself all flustered inside. But I took a deep breath, retrieved Lucy (who was fine) and we sang songs all the way home.

When we pulled into the Circle when Lucy announced she wanted to see Pat. We were home early and it had been a few days since we had seen Pat so we wandered next door and had a 20 minute visit

Lucy played with the puppies while I chatted with Pat and her boyfriend Tom.....who Lucy insists on calling Thomas...makes me laugh when she says Hi Thomas! or asks Pat Where's Thomas? She sound sounds so prim and proper....watching a 2.5 year old address a 60+ man as Thomas when everyone around him calls him Tom is totally worth the price of admission

As the visit wore on, Lucy got a bit more defiant and wound up so when it was time to head home, Lucy was in full blown I'm not doing what you say mode. She proceeded to have a 15 minute temper tantrum complete with shrieking, tears, pushing me away, throwing herself on the floor and clinging to Pat's leg. I finally pried her off Pat, thanked them for their hospitality, wrestled Lucy next door into our house and deposited said screaming daughter on the floor in the living room.

I got her dinner ready while she worked out her issues...which she did so my screaming, shrieking and crying at an even louder level than when we were next door. After 7.5 minutes of ignoring her, she stopped. By then, dinner was on the table, Sean was home and I was cleaning up the kitchen. Sean coaxed Lucy to the table, wrote up my grocery list and I was on my way.

Before I left, I went into the pantry to get the shopping bags. As I bent over, I felt this fluttering motion in my chest...did not really think anything of it...I felt it again when I went to get in the car and adjust my scarf thinking that maybe one of the little tassels on the end was just brushing my skin...but it wasn't

By the time I got to the grocery store, I felt the flutter like 3 or 4 more times.....I chalked it up to stress, too much coffee and having not eaten dinner yet. But by aisle 3, I was starting to think something worse was happening to me: my chest was all fluttery, my head was throbbing, I was light headed and my vision started to play tricks on me....like I started seeing bright lights and possibly an angel...some large form floating above me in any case.....

By aisle 5, I was ready to call Sean or start yelling 911 when this phone conversation popped into my head that I had with my mother me years ago while I was living in Illinois.......

She phoned me to tell me about how at work that day she thought she was having heart attack. Apparently, she was having short, sharp jabs of pain in her chest all morning and then, when she was leaning over her drafting table working, the pain went from being a sharp jab to a constant dull pain.....she decided to go into the ladies room and just take a breather, maybe throw some cold water on her face. As she pulled the bathroom door open with her left hand, the pain was searing! She splashed some water on her face and as she reached for a paper towel, felt the sharp pain again. At this point, she was convinced she was having a heart attack and for whatever reason, as she tells the story, she looked down into her shirt expecting to see her heart exploding out of her chest as that's how intense the pain was.......

Instead, she saw the wire from her under wire bra had torn through the material and was jabbing her in the chest......
So every time she reached for something, the wire was jabbing her thus causing a sharp pain.
Then, when she was motionless over a drawing she was reviewing, the wire was simply pushing against her chest causing a constant dull pain.
No heart attack, just a wardrobe malfunction.

So by aisle 5, like I said I was a mess: fluttering chest, woozy, light headed, seeing bright lights and some form floating above me....so I did what my mother did, I looked down my shirt expecting to see my heart exploding out of my chest.............................

Instead, a moth the size of a pigeon flew out from my cleavage, up behind my glasses and landed on my head.....

At that exact moment, some lady walked by me, saw me waving my arms like a lunatic, stops in front of me and says

You have bug or something on your head

Then continues on her way

I stand there speechless trying to process what just happened....

So the fluttering was a moth living in my bra
The woozy light headiness was clearly psychological
So what about the bright lights and the form I saw floating above me?

At that moment, I see a couple Market Basket employees trying to position a big inflatable turkey on the end cap of the aisle I'm in.....and every time they moved the turkey, the light was blocked then unblocked
And the form I thought was an angel was clearly the turkey.......

Maria the Mum