Tuesday, September 20, 2016

New Rock Bottom

September 15, 2016

Thought I hit rock bottom the (second) time I woke up in a hotel lobby not quite sure of where I was or how I got there
Turns out I have a found a new rock bottom
Just now
Like an hour ago
I was wandering through the supermarket crying because I am a hot mess of a 44 year old with feminine hygiene products in one hand and ice cream in the other when Bam!
I bump into a guy I used to date
I was way more into him than he was me
Fucker dumped me at a baseball game
Right on the third base line
And there I am in the frozen food aisle with puffy eyes, a tear streaked face and Always Overnight Pads because apparently I'm 12 again
So I make small talk for 4 minutes
I have no idea what he was saying
I was actually trying to figure out how to hide what I was buying
When I realized I really couldn't because I had no cart, no basket and not one but two containers of ice cream
So I briefly consider telling him I have a teenage daughter to justify my purchases
But then I realize, I could give two shits what he thinks
So I interrupt him
Tell him I really have no interest in catching up
This is just not a good time and I have to go because I have cramps, my ice cream is melting and the baseball game is on
I speed walk to self checkout, add a Twix bar to my haul and then eat that Twix on the drive home
Who are we kidding
At the self checkout, the pads would not scan properly and of course it was a 20 year old boy who had to come over and punch his secret code in to get it to work
Not once but twice
Then I knocked over the bag holder thingy in my haste to throw my stuff in a bag
So I just grabbed my things and walked out
And ate that Twix bar on the way to the car
Only to realize Joe was walking a couple steps behind me and saw me eat the whole thing
Turns out he was parked next to me
More aptly, our driver's doors were side by side
He let me get in my car first
I glanced in the mirror to see if I looked as badly as I felt
I did
There was a chunk of chocolate in the corner of my mouth and a string of caramel stuck to my chin
My new Rock bottom
Until I got home
Where I was greeted with a big hug from Lucy
And Sean turned the baseball game on for me
And insisted I sit down
Then he made me dinner
And listened to my whole tale of woe
And only laughed once

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