Red is the New Blue

Yesterday, at Lucy's school (day care), they had an end of year celebration - a graduation if you will

Her teacher, Miss Julie, spoke lovingly and kindly of the entire class

The love and appreciation she has for all our kids was clearly evident by the smile on her face and the slight waiver in her voice

At one point, as she addressed the proud parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles crowding around her and the kids, she signaled out one of the kids in the class

Now this was quite uncharacteristic for Miss Julie as she is a firm believer in treating everyone the same…. no one gets more attention, more hugs, more kisses or more love than the next kid….

With Miss Julie, we are all on equal ground – it’s one of my favorite things about her

But yesterday, she signaled out one of the kids and quite deservingly so

I’m paraphrasing here because I can’t quite remember it word for word, and I may be including some of the conversation we had after the celebration was over, but the gist of what she said was this:

She said there was one young person in the class that throughout the year, they could always rely on for his positive attitude and outlook on life

That this young boy could turn anything around simply by finding something else to be happy or grateful for….and this had a profound effect on the teachers and the kids alike

Miss Julie said he'd run out of blue paint, his favorite color, see the full jar of red paint and declare that red was his new favorite color - even if only for today

This young boy she was talking about was one of the first kids we met when we started at the school – he’s one of Lucy’s favorites (we know this as she follows the poor kid around like a puppy dog) – and he’s one of our favorites

His Dad was the first parent we met there, and my first Dad crush

Like his son, and like his Dad, they are both sweet and happy and kind and considerate and always smile when I see them or they see me

And his older sister is this bundle of brains, energy, drama and compassion that makes me want to hug her as hard as I can for in her, I see me at that age

The three of them appreciate everyone in their lives so much…..it is them who make the rest of us feel special just by knowing them

They have enriched our lives just by being there every day at pick up and drop off

It’s been a humdinger of a day – another in a long line of many

A day where you sit back in your chair take a deep breath and google what should I be doing with my life (true story, I did that this morning)

A day where you want scream and yell and be cranky and hate your job

And I was dangerously close to that not too long ago

But then I remembered the time Jack ran out of his favorite color paint, blue, so he decided red would be his new favorite color…even if only for the day

So I took a deep breath, counted my blessings and tried really hard to slow down, find something good in the midst of all that was going wrong, and shared it with at least one other person

And with that, my humdinger of a day isn't so bad anymore

So thank you to my little friend Jack for reminding me red can be the new blue  

And thank you John and Sharon for giving the world this ray of sunshine 

Maria the Mum 

Adopt a Kitty, Find a Mouse

Lucy loves her birthday

This kid starts looking forward to her next birthday in the middle of her current birthday

And not for the gifts - because to be honest, she's never even asked for anything

Lucy looks forward to her birthday for the party
And who are we kidding, I look forward to her party...planning it, making the stuff for it, decorating for it, hosting it, the smiles on Lucy's face and her friends' faces....

I love throwing birthday parties

But even more than throwing the party, I love planning it with her
We talk about every detail from the cake to the games to the decorations and the food that we'll eat

Party's 1, 2 and 3 can be seen here and here 

Party #4 may have been one of the best yet - and the only one we forgot to take pictures of
It was a dinosaur themed party

The house was decorated with inflatable dinosaurs (including a T Rex as big as Sean)
The front door was covered in dinosaur decals
The cake was a forest full of dinosaurs and the cupcakes were frosted in green or blue (grass or water) and a dinosaur sat upon each

We played outside - Pin the horn on the triceratops and a dinosaur egg hunt (plastic Easter eggs hidden around the yard with a mini Dino inside each one)

The climax was the fossil dig

We filled aluminum baking trays with sand and buried in each tray fossils that we made from salt dough (I used Lucy's toys to make imprints in the dough) I also managed to find some small plastic dinosaur skeletons somewhere and buried those in the tray too

Each child then received a set of expedition tools: paint brushes to wipe the sand away, little spoons that were shovels, tweezers to delicately remove the discoveries they made and magnifying glasses so they could see the fossils better

The kids had a blast (at least I think they did)

They went home with a bucket full of dinosaurs eggs, fossils and a Danny and the Dinosaur book

I can't believe we forgot to take pictures

This year....well this year I thought Lucy would want to go big - not Vegas big (though she tried)
But we have spent the last year attending parties that have included the whole class (sometimes both classes) at gyms and arcades and bouncy house places (and they've all been great fun)

I thought that was what kind of party she would want - so all her friends could come
And I sort of dreaded that kind of party....we had had so much fun planning her last three parties.....

But we offered a "destination party" to Lucy
We told her we could go bowling, to the bouncy house place, to Gym Street - wherever she wanted
She thought about it for all of 2 minutes

No thanks Mumma
Are you sure honey?
Yeah Mumma I'm sure
But we could invite all your friends in your class....
No thank you Mumma -  I like it when you do my party here at home - I like it when you make stuff and decorate......can we just have my party here?

So it was settled
Small party at home with the friends she wanted there the most
And that's what we did

This year, Lucy started out wanting a Frozen party
We saw Frozen on Thanksgiving day
We saw it a second time the day AFTER Thanksgiving
We were singing the songs and reciting lines weeks before anyone else was
I'm not kidding you - we feel like we discovered this movie
And then everyone else discovered it
And Lucy lost interest in it because everything became about Frozen

So we nixed the Frozen party

Then she wanted a Lego party
Midway through planning that, she informs me she does not think a Lego party would be a good idea

Why honey?
Well Mumma, not all my friends like Lego's and I don't want anyone to not have fun
Oh Lucy....

Then she thought maybe an animal party - like a zoo party
But then she realized that not all her friend like animals the way she does

So we went back to a Lego party - but she was worried Jake and Katie would not have fun

Sometimes this child is so thoughtful it makes me stop in my tracks and realize that maybe, just maybe I have not screwed her up as badly as I think I have

Honey I love that you are thinking of your friends, but what kind of party do YOU want? What will make you smile?

Without hesitation she blurted out with a giggle and a chortle and a snort

A kitty party!!!! Mumma I really really really wanna kitty party!!!!!

So we planned a kitty party

I immediately found some hanging kitty decorations (including a happy birthday sign) with matching plates, napkins and balloons covered in paw prints

Our other decorations would be to simply bring out all Lucy's stuffed cats (of which we have waaayyy more than we should) and place them strategically around the house

Our first idea was that all our friends who came to the party would adopt a kitty
So we bought stuffed kitties (found on super sale at the craft store)
I made adoption certificates which were filled out the day of the party with the names each friend chose for their new kitty

Then Lucy and I made collars for the kitties - a piece of ribbon to which we attached bells and paper key chains for the kids to decorate at the party

Now as luck would have it the past few years, we've had pretty good days (weather wise) for Lucy's party
We figured since we were having it so late this year, we'd be okay again
So we planned outside games....including a bean bag toss, whiffle ball, sidewalk chalk and pin the tail on the kitty

And then there would be the big finish....the grand finale.......

The Great Mouse Hunt

Because what do cats like to hunt but mice

So I turned 130 plastic Easter eggs into mice

I cut 130 tails out of pipe cleaner and attached them to 130 eggs

I cut 260 ears out of adhesive foam

I glued on 260 wiggly eyes, drew 130 thirty noses AND 780 whiskers

Then I stuffed those eggs with stickers, bouncy balls, tattoos, paratroopers, frog hoppers, Rolos, Hershey Kisses and M&Ms

I stayed up until 3 am making those eggs....and the collars.....those mice looked amazing

I was so excited for the mouse hunt I could barely stand it

I planned which trees and rocks in the neighborhood I would hide the eggs in and under
I even had a couple little "nests" made

I counted and sorted out the egg mice by color and what they had inside them so each child would get the same number of eggs and the exact same prizes

This mouse hunt was going to be totally  kick ass

And then it started raining

For three days leading up to her party it rained and rained and rained and rained
And the day of her party.....it rained

So we shifted gears, moved around the furniture and had the party all inside...including an abbreviated  version of the mouse hunt

But no one cared

The kids (and parents) ate and laughed

They adopted kitties and decorated collars

We colored wooden cut out cats and put on tattoos

We danced with balloons to the noises we made

We ate pizza on the living room floor

And we hunted for mice as best we could with 8 kids in 1100 square feet of living space

And we had a blast

The kids left with new pets, plastic mice, a Pete the Cat book and who knows how many little toys, Hershey Kisses, and Rolos

And it was fun

It was so much fun

And now Lucy is five......

The mice!

See that bag? Sean drew, drew with his free hand, a dozen of those bags for me....coolest Dad/husband ever!!!!! The kids used the bags to collect the mice in then it was loaded up with all their treats before they left

Making kitties and collars......

Fear

Today’s post brought you by the letter F and Mama Kat’s Pretty Much World Famous Writer’s Workshop

List six fears your top 6 biggest fears, choose one and tell us why

Fear as a noun is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat

Fear as a verb means to be afraid of something or someone as likely to be dangerous, painful or life threatening

Everyone has fears - some rational, some not so rational

For example:

I have a fear of heights so much so that I can’t look down from the top (open) floor of the mall without my knees knocking  

I have a fear of identical twins/triplets/any multiple birth (ok so this is probably not a fear so much as it just freaks me out…so not rational)

I have a fear flying…more than flying, I‘m afraid someone is going to think I’m a terrorist so I focus on trying to look innocent which I think makes me look more guilty   

I fear the dark and small spaces….and if I am in a small dark place, well let’s just say I will probably pee my pants and cry until Lassie shows up with help

I also fear many of the same thing in the same place at the same time (like flocks of birds, swarms of killer bees, nests of mice, the Democratic National Convention)

And death….I am so afraid of death that my fear of it may actually eclipse death itself

Death is by far by biggest fear

But its Friday, talking about my biggest fear could potentially be a bit of a downer….and would most definitely unnerve me to the point that I’ll be rendered useless for the next 12 hours….

So let’s take a different approach

List your top 6 Fears

Cape Fear (1991)

 Let me tell you what, this movie scared the hell out of me

But it is one of the best movies I have ever seen

Riveting, suspenseful, seductive

It also cemented my love for Nick Nolte

I always had a crush on him but between Cape Fear and Prince of Tides, which came out around the same time, I was completely pushed over the edge

And given that he was a scoundrel in both films, I’m not sure what that says about me

And Robert De Niro

Oh my word Robert De Niro

To this day when I see him all I can picture is him doing pull ups in a jail cell…and it scares me

Fear Mongering

Thank you President Johnson – your daisy commercial was so terribly memorable - you will never catch me in an open field of flowers picking petals off a daisy

Thank you weather forecasters for every time you predicted snow, you worked everyone into such a frenzy we were leaving work early three days before the storm even started

Thank you Morgan Spurlock for Super-Size Me

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Published as a book in 1972, its Hunter S Thompson’s blend of fact and fiction

It is because of this book I never did drugs

I’m not kidding you

Yes, I’ve taken a few hits of pot before (which did nothing but make me sleepy)

But I read this book my freshman year in college

This guy I was in love with, Kelly, told me to read it he said it would change my life…..just like I had changed his

Here’s what I learned:

Never fall for a guy with a girl’s name

Any guy that claims you changed his life after a week is full of shit

There is, in fact, no solace in excess

Hunter S Thompson, and Kelly, might be two of the most narcissistic, self-absorbed self-indulgent men I have ever known

And just say no to drugs

Tears for Fears

Only like my favorite band ever

Songs from the Big Chair is one of the top five albums ever made

Seeds of Love is in the top ten

Nobody liked Tears for Fears more than me – and I had the poster(s) on my wall to prove it

I seriously thought I could somehow meet and get either Roland or Curt to fall in love with me and take me away to London to live in a castle….I actually still do….

To this day, if I hear the opening chords of Shout I immediately reach for the volume and turn it up to 11

Judge all you want but Tears for Fears got me through some tough Jr High/High School years

And a bad split with Kelly

Fearful Symmetry

I had this English teacher in high school, Dr Fred Jones, who was one of my favorite teachers

Primarily because he used to let me hide out in his classroom

But mostly because he didn’t foster the competition among his students as other teachers did

He didn’t push you to top your classmates or do better on a test than Eliza, Cathy, Jamie or Peter

He pushed you to open your mind to the written word…and yes, that includes the gospel

We read the Bible in his class

Which led us to William Blake who was obsessed with good and evil and had a strong religious and philosophical belief

Which led us to The Tyger and fearful symmetry

Which simplistically means without evil, there is no good, without dark there is no light

But there was is nothing simplistic about fearful symmetry

I’m pretty sure it is what keeps order in chaos

And honor among thieves

I like the nuance of fearful symmetry – it keeps me balanced

Fear Factor

News Radio used to be one of my favorite shows

It was one of the first smart funny shows I remember watching faithfully – second to Cheers

The cast was pure comedic genius and the writing was always spot on

Stephen Root and Joe Rogan were my absolute favorites on the show

And who are we kidding, Joe Rogan was stinking cute on that show

I thought I had finally found my type: a street smart, cavalier, conspiracy theorist, handyman who could seemingly fix anything

After News Radio was cancelled, I watched Fear Factor just so I could continue to see Joe Rogan on a weekly basis

But that show scared the living bejesus out of me

I was okay the first few episodes

But I wigged out after one of the episodes with snakes in a glass tank and the person having to stand in there with them

Never mind when it was some sort of bug or roach or whatever…..I’m getting chills just thinking of it

But, I loved hearing this:

“I’m Joe Rogan and this is Fear Factor. The stunts you are about to see were all designed and supervised by trained professionals. They are extremely dangerous and should not be attempted by anyone, anywhere, anytime.”

What do you want for me Mumma?

Last night,  after a birthday dinner with Jake, a spin around the neighborhood on her new bike, birthday cake and phone calls from Aunties and Noni and Papa, Lucy and I snuggled down for bed

Sean kissed her good night, wished her a happy birthday, tuned off the light and slipped downstairs

This is my favorite part of the day - the ten/fifteen minutes I get Lucy to myself
She's freshly showered and smells like coconuts
Her hair is soft and is so blond it actually shimmers when she moves

She nestles into me and sighs

Its when we have some of our best conversations
We whisper and giggle
And sometimes we laugh out loud and make so much noise Sean hollers up the stairs
Girls! Settle down!

We talk about our day, or what it will be like when Lucy grows up
Sometimes, she'll ask to hear the story about the day she was born
Or the day we brought her home

Sometimes, she asks to hear about when Ziggy came to live with us
Or about the day her Dad and I got married
Sometimes, we just lay together quietly until our breathing patterns match and she drifts off to sleep

Last night, Lucy snuggled into me and said

Well Mumma, I made it! I'm 5! Can you believe it?!?
Can I believe you made it or that you're 5?
Mumma?!?!

I hug her

No honey, I can't believe you are 5....
Do you still want me to be 4 Mumma?
Yes honey...and next year when its time for you to turn 6, I'll want you to stay 5...
Oh Mumma (she says with a sigh that translates to Poor poor Maria, so silly and naive....)

I know honey - but its what Mums do....we want our kids to stay little
Did Noni want you to stay little?
All Mums want their kids to stay little -
What else do Mums want for their kids
I chuckle
That's a long list Lucy!
Oh...she sort of trails off and seems genuinely disappointed I don't give her answer

Do you think Mumma that you might want me to have a kitty?

I tickle her

We have Ziggy you silly goose!
Well maybe you want me to have a puppy dog she says laughing and trying to hide under the covers
I want you to go to sleep birthday girl!
That's all you want for me Mumma?!?!
No Lucy, I want that and so much more.....but right now, I say as I kiss her whole face and tickle her,
I want you to go to sleep!

She giggles and snuggles back down under the covers pushing herself against me

I love you Mumma - and I loved my birthday day
I love you - you're my best five year old -
And you're my best Mumma

I hear her sigh one more time and within minutes, she's sound asleep

And in my head, I begin my list

There is so much I want for you Lucy

I want you to be
Happy and healthy
Safe and sound
Honest and kind

I want you to
Reduce, reuse, recycle
Be your own kind of beautiful
Stick with it, what ever "it" may be

I want you to
Know that life goes on - just be sure you go with it
Know who you are
Know your limitations
Know when to hold'em
Know when fold'em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run

I want you to
Do what you feel in your heart to be right for you'll be criticized anyway (Eleanor Roosevelt told me that)
Do anything, but let it produce joy (Uncle Walt Whitman wants this for us all)
Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you (WW again)

I want you to
Eat healthy
Exercise
Get plenty of sleep
Drink water
Breathe deeply
Enjoy

I want you to know
I've made mistakes...oh the mistakes I have made
I've lied
I've hurt and been hurt
I've royally fucked up from time to time
I've partied too hard
I've gotten myself in some pretty tight spots
But I've learned from all of it
And I sleep better now than I did then

You will do all of these things too
You will make mistakes and lie, you'll hurt someone or someone will hurt
One day, you will royally fuck up, party a little too hard and find yourself in a compromising situation
All I ask is that you get through it as best you can

Apologize if you need to - even if it takes you years, apologize
Pay your fines and serve what ever sentence you have to
And then learn from it all
Learn from it Lucy as much as you possibly can

I want you to know that someday, you won't need me
And that's okay - we all outgrow our Mums at some point
But I will still need you
And even though you don't need me, I will always be there

I want you to know that someday, you'll realize you do need me
And that's okay - we all need our Mums at some point
For I always needed you
And I will always be right here

I want you to know that I love you so much that it makes me cry because it is so overwhelming
I want you to know that I am so very proud of you
I have faith in you
And I believe in you

I want you to know you are my best girl
And I want you you to know that one day, I will get you a kitten....and a dog

I love you forever and always, frontwards and backwards, side to side, up and down and all around

xxoo

Maria the Mum

And tomorrow, she will be five......

Lucy,  

You’re five
I have no idea where the time went

Technically, you are not five until tomorrow but wow, you're five

One minute I was staring at a stick with two lines on it and the next minute I’m sitting at the kitchen table at 11:30 pm making plastic mice for your birthday party

My eyes are all blurry with tears….my throat hurts from the lump that swells every time I think of you…and my heart aches because it is so filled with love and hope for you

And now, the tears slide down my face and no matter how hard I squeeze my eyes closed or clench my fists, the tears still fall

Not because I’m sad

But because you’re 5

Because you’re five and I feel like it’s going too fast

I feel like I’ve missed so much but I am overwhelmed by how much is still to come

One minute you need your Dad and I for everything, the next minute, you tell us you can get dressed by yourself and no thanks, I don’t need help

And it’s happening so very fast Lucy!

So fast that sometimes it makes my head spin and when I close my eyes to steady myself, I open them only to discover you’ve grown again and are slowly but surely exerting your independence

I fear if I blink, you’ll move out of the house

You are our one and only for so many reasons

And the three of us are okay with that – well, you and Daddy are better with it than I am but I’m getting there

You tell me all the time that you are so glad it’s just us, Ziggy and your fish Olaf

Mumma! Can it always just be me, you and Daddy? I like it this way – I like having you all to myself

You do Lucy?

Yeah Mumma, I like having you and Daddy all to myself…and I like that we can do everything together

So do I Lucy

So it can always be just us Mumma?

Yes honey, no matter what, it will always be us

When I say that Luce, I get a lump in my throat and tears burn my eyes because in some ways, I think I am denying you something

I feel like I have failed as a parent to give you a sibling to grow up with, to fight with, to love, to steal clothes from and to blame when something gets broken

It’s kind of how I feel because I’ve not taken you to see the Easter Bunny or Santa
And because I’ve not thrown you a big birthday party somewhere or had a professional photo shoot done with you

It’s this weird self-doubt and loathing parents get…..when we feel like we are not doing what we can and should be for our children

Yes, I fear that I have failed as a parent because I’ve not taken you to get your picture taken with the Easter Bunny or Santa

Crazy, I know

But this is what parents do....we beat ourselves up because we are so worried about denying you some great experience that will make your childhood complete

Its like some weird switch is flipped in our brain and we momentarily lose sight of the important stuff 

We beat ourselves up about the silliest things….and about some not so silly things

I yelled at you Sunday night because you just would not settle down while I was reading you stories

You kept interrupting me and asking for a drink and more snacks

I got so annoyed and frustrated, I dropped (read threw straight down pretty hard onto the wooden floor) your books to the floor

A look of shock registered on your face

You looked at the books on the floor, you looked at me, your bottom lip quivered and oh how you cried

You were not upset I yelled at you, you were upset I threw your books to the floor

I lost my patience with you but you were.on.my.last.nerve

And I yelled at you

I hate that I’ve become a yeller

I struggle with that all the time Lucy

I try to take a deep breath before I open my mouth because sometimes I feel like all I do is yell

But then sometimes, you just push me to the edge and I feel like my only recourse is to yell

Other times, I don’t yell, I just snap at you and get impatient – I take solace in knowing I’m not the only one that does that because I’ve heard other parents do the same thing

But I still hate that I do it

So I’m trying honey, I really am

Sometimes when I lose my patience with you, I worry about the damage I’ve done

Will you remember nothing but me yelling at you, swatting your butt when you’ve crossed a line?

Will you remember I denied you stories at bed time or the time we took your beloved Togus the cat away from you for a night?

My friend Pam gave me the best piece of advice not too long ago – we were talking about some of your outbursts and temper tantrums and she said Maria, when Lucy gets like that, pick her up and hug her – hold her as closely and tightly to you as possible – sometimes, that’s what kids like ours need

Oh how right Pam was!

 I’ve said before Lucy, you’ve had some epic temper tantrums

The slightest thing could and would set you off

There were times you’d go on for hours (like that 5 hour drive back from Maine that time….)

Sometimes they last seconds, mere minutes

They always involve you crying and yelling – and sometimes you hit, punch and occasionally bite – those are the worst

Other times, you just throw yourself down on the ground and cry

A couple times, you’ve bolted from the house and run as fast as your little legs would carry you in whatever direction your body turned

Daddy and I were always right behind you

Pam said to me hug her Maria, just pull her into you and hold her tightly...try it she said, just give it a try

So, the next time I saw you gearing up for a nuclear meltdown, I grabbed you and hugged you as tightly as I could

You fought me at first, kicking, squirming and hitting me

But I held you tighter and just whispered in your ear

I love you Lucy

And I finally felt your body relax against mine and your breathing returned to normally

You turned your head resting it on my shoulder and rubbed your hand along my shoulder blade

Sorry Mumma

I know you are honey, but you’re okay now

I love you Mumma

I love you more Lucy

And you didn’t have a tantrum, and I didn’t yell, and no one ended up in tears

Instead, we snuggled on the couch and when you were ready, you told me what was wrong

So now, when you are getting upset, and sometimes when I am getting upset, I just grabbed you and hug you as tightly as I can (and as you’ll let me)

No matter how many tantrums you have had, and no matter how many we have had (because don’t be fooled, parents have temper tantrums too, we just don’t like to admit to it)....No matter how much we took away from you (movies, TV time, play dates, toys, stories) no matter how loudly we yelled, your love for us, and ours for you never wavered

It was tested, but we never failed that test – none of us

We will forever and always love you Lucy, no matter what

And I am so sorry for those times when I have failed to be patient, to not yell and to use my listening ears

I’ll keep trying honey, just as I ask of you, I’ll keep trying

Sometimes Lucy, I look at you and I feel like I am just going to explode because I love and adore you so much

Which makes me marvel at mothers with more than one child

I marvel because I wonder how all that love fits in their heart and in their worlds

And then I start to freak out a bit because my time, our time, with you is fleeting

I panic because Santa and I only have 3 maybe 4 more Christmases with you…five if I am really lucky

I get emotional every time I clean out your drawers and closet to move you up to the next size because you are growing up and try as I might, I can’t stop it

I don’t want you to turn five

Five puts you closer to ten, ten makes you almost twenty and then you’ll be thirty and I am so not ready for you to be thirty

I beg and plead with you to stop growing up and you laugh at me and say

Mumma! Don’t be silly! God wants me to grow up! And I have to grow up so I can ride in the front seat with you! Besides, I have to turn five so I can go to kindergarten!

Ok then if you have to grow up Lucy, do you promise you’ll never leave Daddy and me?

You giggle again

Mumma! I already promised, Ziggy and I will live with you and Daddy forever!

Pinky Promise?

Mumma!?!

Lucy?!?

Ok ok, Pinky Promise!!!

And you grab my pinky with yours and we shake on it…then you curl up against me and I breathe in your very being praying to God to freeze time……to stop the world on its axis so you will forever and always be my Little Lucy who is 4, not five

But time is not freezing Lucy, the world is still spinning, time is not standing still

You will not be 4 forever and one day, one day way too soon, you will be on your own

And Daddy and I will be on our own

And I’ll wonder where the time went

And if you are okay

And if you are warm enough

And if you are eating enough

And if you have enough money

I’ll wonder if you’re happy

I’ll wonder if you miss me

I’ll wonder if you remember the time when….

And I’ll look up at the moon and know that somewhere in this big world, a little piece of me is out there, 

doing what she does best

I’ll know that there is a piece of me, a piece of your Dad, out there in the world being Lucy as only you can be

Happy Fifth Birthday Lucy

As always, your Dad and I are so proud of you

And so honored to be your Mum and Dad

You are so excited to five; I hope you never lose that sense of excitement

I hope you are forever and always as curious and inquisitive as you are right now

I hope that as you grow, the empathy and compassion you display grows with you

I hope you have as much joy in your life as you have brought to ours

I hope you continue to sharpen your keen sense and sensibility; especially the one you have about the people you allow into your life

I hope the passion you have for books, for learning, for writing and for drawing continues to grow and flourish with you

I hope you continue to love unconditionally

I hope you grow stronger in your sense of being, of who you are

And I hope you stick by that sense no matter what others may think or say 

I hope the light, love, devotion, honesty and integrity that rules your heart and head today and is the very essence of your being is as appreciated by the world as it is by your Dad and me

And I hope, more than anything Lucy Ellen, I hope you continue to bring to my life, and to Daddy’s life, direction, balance, love, laughs, tears, fears, joy and peace

Thank you Lucy for being our daughter

Thank you for what you have brought to our lives…and thank you for what you will bring

We love you to the moon and back a hundred times over

All our love and God’s blessings

Out of Africa

A few weeks back, we took a mini vacation - a long weekend to North Conway, NH

We stayed at a hotel which houses an indoor water park - best weekend ever (aside from the fact poor Sean spent most of it in bed sick with a fever!) 

We started the weekend with two hours of tubing on Friday 

Lucy and I must have gone up and down 100 times 

At one point, as we were headed back up for another run down, Lucy turns and looks at me with a huge grin on her face and laughter in her voice and says 

Mumma! I had no idea you and Daddy could be so much fun!

At one point over the weekend, I believe it was while we were bobbing up and down in the wave pool, Lucy  announced 

For our next vacation guys, I think we should go to California, I heard they have a great Zoo

And I think Jake should come with us 'cause he likes animals so much 

California Lucy?

Yeah Mumma, there's a Zoo in San Diego - the San Diego Zoo....what, you've never heard of it?

No, I've heard of it 

Oh OK, then to California we'll go!

Last Friday, Lucy had a dentist appoint

On the way to the appointment, and in an effort to distract her from the fact she was going to have a cavity filled, I started a conversation about vacation 

So Lucy, I wanted to ask you about our next vacation 

Sure Mumma

You want to go to California right?

Weeeellll, I've been thinking I'd rather go to Africa...you know to see animals in their real habitat not a zoo one....

Oh well, OK, yeah, that makes sense...in their real habitat...what's a habitat again? I ask making eye contact with her in the mirror

She cocks her head to one side, pulls her face back in utter disbelief and dare I say disappointment, and with her arms out stretched and flailing, starts her lecture:

Seriously Mumma?!?! You don't know what a habitat is? How did you even get to be a grown up?!?

A habitat is an animal's home - or a plant - they have habitats too - and so do fish 

A habitat is where something or someone lives 'cause its the best place for them and has everything they need

Oh...

To better illustrate her point, Lucy starts a list and checks off on each finger the following points:

The ocean is a whale's habitat 'cause it has water and krill

The tiger has a habitat in the jungle near water

Cheetahs live in the grasslands so they have room to run

Flowers live in a garden so they have dirt and sun 

Woburn Massachusetts is our habitat 'casue its where our house is and Target and Lisa's Pizza

Right, OK, I get it 

The habitats at the zoo aren't even real - I mean its a good try but its not really real - you can't have the real Africa at the zoo 

No, I don't suppose you can I reply 

So I want to go to Africa so I can see animals where they live...and you know what we should do on the way home Mumma?

On the way home from where?

On the way home from Africa!

What's that Luce?

After we go to Africa, on our way home, we should stop by the Himalayas

Stop by the Himalayas?

Yeah...you know, just drop by really quick 

Oh, well of course we should.....for what? 

In my head I'm thinking if she says salt.......I won't even know what to say.....I won't know what to say anyway because who just drops by the Himalayas?!?!

She gets that look again - the one who she cocks her head to the side and pulls her face back in disbelief and disappointment with her arms out stretched and flailing: 

Really Mumma??? 

To see the snow leopards! 

The Himalayas - that's their habitat!!! Seriously, you did not even know that?!?!

And they're endangered.....which if you didn't know, endangered means there aren't very many left - endangered is what happens before you get extinct and extinct means you're all dead

So I want to see them before they all die and there are none left 

Right, OK well, sounds good then....

Can you call Pam and see if Jake can go with us?

Sure, why not?

Well, I guess it's settled then Mumma......I hope they have a hotel with a water park 

Maria the Mum  

Vegas Baby, Vegas

Lucy is closing in on 5
Her friends started turning 5 in the fall and we've attended a number of birthday parties since September

Most have been a "destination" party (Gym Street, Lazer Craze, Chuck E Cheese, Celebration Kingdom) and have included the whole class

Brilliant really -  for a set price, for a set time, you can invite the whole class and not have to deal with any clean up

And those parties have been great fun

But for the past 4 years, we've kept Lucy's parties pretty small and right at home
6, maybe 8 kids are invited
We do all the decorating (we've transformed the house into the coral reef for the Nemo Party, a Zoo for the animal party and last year, it was a fossil dig for the dinosaur party) and we do all the cooking and baking which of course ties into the theme
People come when they want and leave when they feel like it (one year, we had people at the house well past 6pm from a party that started at 11)

And I may have a little too much fun (and spend a little too much money) putting together the favor bags and the games

But I'll tell you what, it is always worth the time, energy and money just to see how excited the kids get and how much Lucy enjoys it

The more parties we attend, the more Lucy has started talking about hers
And for the first time, she mentioned having her party at a place as opposed to a theme party at home

We don't discourage this idea nor do we encourage it - we just tell her that no matter what kind of party she is thinking about, we want it to be what she wants, not what she thinks her friends will want or like

So last week, we're driving home and Lucy says to me

Jack turned 5 today
I know honey, that's pretty exciting.....
Yeah......he even looks 5
He does, I agree
Are we going to his party?
Yup, on Sunday
Hmmm.....at the bouncy place with the games and tickets?
Yep, its called Lazer Craze, same place Sahit had his party
Yeah, I been there before
You have
Mumma?
Yeah Lucy
I've been thinking about my party
OK, well, what do you think you'd like to do for your party?
Well.....you know I'm gonna be 5
I know
And that's a pretty big bitrthday - I never been 5 before
I know Luce
This is like my biggest birthday yet
That it is....do you know what you want to do for your birthday?
Well, at first I wanted a kitty party....and then I wanted a Frozen party.....
Yes...
But if I don't not have animals Jake might not like it but Jack and Ryan like Lego's
OK well, what do you want Lucy? What do you think would be fun for your party
I don't know....I thought I wanted a bouncy house party at the bouncy place we been to but I like having a party at my house....

She sort of trailed off while staring out the window

So what do you think you want to do now?

I look in my rear view mirror and Lucy is still just gazing out the window

She doesn't respond so I ask again

What do you think you'd like to do for your birthday this year Lucy?

She meets my eyes in the mirror and says, with a straight and serious face,

I'm thinking Vegas

I almost slammed into the car in front of us

What?

Vegas....I think we should go to Vegas

Lucy....do you even know what Vegas is?

She shrugs her shoulders and turns back toward the window and says offhandedly

I know it has lights, lots of water fountains and tigers....so I say we go to Vegas....you in?

Maria the Mum