Worms

October 25, 2017

I walked into the office this morning,
Dropped my bags on my chair,
Flipped on my computer,
And went straight into Eric's office to talk to him as we had pressing matters to discuss (and by that I mean the Office Christmas Party)

15 minutes later, I came back into my office

To find a worm

On the floor

In my office

A worm

I'm not even kidding you
The thing was like 5 feet long (maybe inches)

So I took a picture because how the hell does a worm end up in your office
Look at it!
It blends right in with the carpet!

So, I grabbed a tissue, picked up the worm by one of its ends, held my arm out in front of me in case said worm decided to rear its ugly head (or ass depending on which end I was actually holding) and attack my face

I then dropped said worm which made me jump a little and I spilled my coffee

I left the overturned coffee cup and coffee running off my desk and picked the worm back up by it's ass (or face, who can really tell)

By now, it, the worm, had extended itself to it's full 10 feet and I'm pretty sure I saw teeth

I again held my arm out in front of me and threw open the interior office door which opens into a little vestibule
I was three steps away from releasing the beast back into the wild when I again dropped the worm

This time on my foot

I was not barefoot

I have my comfort clogs on, it's raining here today

But I reacted like I was barefoot

And flung the worm off my shoe and into the wall

I scooped up the worm yet again and held it as far away from me as possible with my left hand

I pushed the door open with my foot

At the same time, Gary, or was it Brian, who is trying to sell us a forklift, was reaching to open the door and my left arm/hand slammed into his chest and I dropped the worm

Not on Gary/Brian's foot but onto his extended arm

He did not notice

Morning! he said as brightly as he could after having been narrowly clothes lined by me
Howareya?!?

You have a worm, I said, on your arm..I found it on my office floor

He looked down at the worm curled up in a fetal like position on his still extended arm holding the door open

Oh! So I do! he says, wait, you found it where?

In my office, on the floor...

He cocked his head to the side

I know right?! I said....so weird....I mean he was just slithering along on my office floor....like right near my desk....I have no idea how he got there...unless he hitched a ride on me when I walked in from the car....wait...do I have worms crawling on me....do I?!?......DO I HAVE ANY WORMS ON ME?!?!

It was then I started spinning around and scratching myself and rubbing my head looking for worms possibly nesting in my hair

Gary/Brian calmly flung the worm off his arm and bravely reached over to pat my shoulder assuring me there were in fact no worms on me

I did not believe him so I made a co-worker double check

No worms on me

But ten minutes later, I noticed a second worm just outside my office door

He had clearly been stepped on

He was all squished and there were worm guts on the floor

Still, no worms on me .... I think