The New Rules

Lucy was in day care as an infant/toddler/pre schooler

When Lucy got to DayCare, she, and we learned The Rules

They included, but were not limited to, some variation of the following:

Be kind!

Share!

Hands to yourself!

Walking Feet!

Inside voice!

Listening ears!

Have fun!

Laugh!

Be a good friend!

And everything was always about friends...

Be kind to your friends

Share with your friends

Have fun with your friends!

Or some variation thereof

We thought The Rules were brilliant!

We figured Lucy would have no problem following them and were convinced The Rules made the world a better place
And just to make sure, we adopted The Rules in our own home

I even wrote them out on big sheets of paper and decorated them with stickers and glitter and flowers and hung them up at Lucy level so she could see them

We even added a few rules of our own

I was so proud of our progressive and organic parenting

I wish I could say it worked

By the time Lucy was three, she sort of adopted this fuck The Rules attitude

That attitude reached its peak shortly after her 4th birthday and raged for about 2 solid years

Try as we might, we could never quite get her to come around to following The Rules

Don't get me wrong, she's a great kid

I love her with all my heart and soul

But she is not a rule following kind of kid

She will not bend to anyone's will but her own

And even then, I've seen her fight with herself

I consoled myself by saying when she is in her 20s and 30s, this behavior could serve her well

But as a 4, 5 and 6 year old, this behavior, it really friggin sucked

It was the worst

And we clearly had failed miserably at progressive and organic parenting

Reports from day care would usually go like this:

Lucy had a pretty good day, until she hit/punched one of her friends

Lucy was really loud today; does she maybe have an ear ache?

Lucy was very upset with her friends today; did she maybe have a tough night sleeping?

Bless their hearts

See how they would ever so gently try to cushion the blow

And when Lucy had a good day, they would make such a HUGE deal out of it

It was always a bright spot when she had one of those days

And just when we'd think she was coming around....when she'd have two good days in a row that turned into three that turned into four

BAM

Lucy would decide she was tired of following The Rules

Lucy thought the rules were silly

And that there were too many of them

She told me that the same day she informed me everybody (at school/day care) was not her friend and why did every keep telling her they were

And we'd be back to trying to figure out how to balance this strong willed spirited little girl with The Rules, her classmates and her parents

The staff at day care was amazing though

And they were with us and Lucy every step of the way

I do not know where we would be without the love and guidance of so many of them

By the time Lucy got to first grade, she was at her worst

I do believe her first grade teacher caught the brunt of it

That was a terrible year

We cried

We fought

We laughed

We yelled

We loved

We swore

We thought it would never get better

We begged and bribed

We tried incentives

We tried taking things away

We cried some more

Fought again

Loved as hard and as much as we could

We swore some more

We read books

We prayed

We laughed again while swearing and crying and fighting all at the same time

It was exhausting

And we wondered if we'd make it - as a couple, as a family, as parents

But we were surrounded by these teachers and staff, first at day care and then at her grade school, who were so supportive and loving

And we had friends and family who though at times were probably scared shitless of the outbursts they witnessed, stuck by us and by Lucy

Lucy's first grade teacher never gave up her

Even when Lucy was at her worst, her teacher would find no less than three wonderful things to say to our daughter on a daily basis

And every day, no matter what Lucy's attitude or behavior was, her teacher never gave up on her

And now her second grade teacher is just as supportive of her (and of us)

And so is the social adjustment counselor and her therapist

Lucy has so many people rooting for her

And its working

She's come so far since last year that it is almost overwhelming

We're so terribly proud of her....and I'm not gonna lie, relieved

Last year, I started putting notes in Lucy's lunchbox every day

She's saved all of them in a shoe box

I end every note the same way:

Have a good day

Don't be a jerk

Do your best

And have fun

Those are The New Rules

4 simple rules.....though number 2 is a pretty weighty one and means so much more than what one would think

And our little strong willed spirited lady is doing her best to not be a jerk

And we're all having way more fun and better days because of it

She's our best girl we love her the most and could not be more proud of her