Everybody, Close the drawer

All together now!
We'll be driving home and I'll say who did you play with today?
One by one, she'll list all the kids is her class, in the class next door, all the teachers and then she concludes it by saying with lilt in her voice and emphasis on the last syllable, everyBODY!

I'll ask her which animal she wants to take to school with here and she'll do the same thing....she'll start listing whatever animals are in her line of vision (usually no less than 12) and even throw in a few she has not seen for days and end with everyBODY!

I'll ask her who she's like to come to her house to play this weekend and she'll again start with all the kids in her class, throw in Lori and Kevin for good measure, sometimes Noni and Papa and always ends with everyBODY!

Lucy had a short crying jag yesterday morning. When she was done, she informed her Dad

Daddy I happy now, I not crying anymore!!

Lucy wanted to make sure Daddy knew everything was okay so she continued:

Lucy happy! Mummy happy! Daddy happy! Eeyore happy! Tigger happy! EveryBODY happy!

Close.The.Drawer!
I never close anything....when I open a drawer or a closet door to get something, I never totally close it.
I'll turn off a light when I leave the room but I am terrible at closing things....

Last night, after dinner, Lucy supervised while I made lunches and cleaned up a bit in the kitchen.
I went in and out of the pantry a few times and each time, never actually closed the door...Lucy would come up behind me and say

Mama! All done?
Yes Lucy...
Mama! Close the door!
Sorry Lucy!

She'd shake her head and close the door

Twice, I went into the drawer for a serving spoon or some sort of utensil and did not close the drawer all the way. Lucy came along behind me and pushed it closed without saying a word. The third time she did it, she sort of slammed it loudly.....I turned to look and make sure she did not hurt herself....she had her hands on her hips and just tapped her foot at me....but never said anything

After her bath, I took just a few minutes to put away the basket of laundry that had been sitting at the food of our bed for a couple days. I started in our room and then worked my way over to Lucy's room. I passed her in the hall as she headed into our room.....so I leaned back to see what she was doing. Sure enough, she was closing the drawer on my dresser I had left open. I ducked into her room and put her clothes away closing one drawer all the way but not quite pushing the other one closed.

Lucy pushed it closed, looked at me and said in quite an exasperated tone:

MAMA! All done?

I nodded

She took a deep breath and said

CLOSE.THE.DRAWER.please!
Sorry Lucy....
That's okay Mama, just try to 'member next time....I love you!

Maria, the Mum

If I had a cape and a tiara, I could save the world

I started reading these two blogs not so long ago that tear and tug at my heart

In one of them, a Mum is chronicling the struggles of her only daughter, her only child, as they fight a terrible bone marrow disease which demands a full bone marrow transplant for the little girl’s survival. The baby girl is not even a year old yet….she was conceived after a long struggle with infertility and will be this couple’s only child….and they are fighting for her life…..hard

The second blog I’ve been reading is written by a mother who lost her little 4 year old boy to cancer just a few months ago. I found it while they were still fighting for his life – she and her husband and their two other boys (twins) rooted, fought and prayed for this little boy’s life. He’s their angel now watching over them from far far away…she’s fighting with his death…hard

Does not matter which blog I’m reading….I cry. Doesn’t even matter what these women are writing, I cry

I cry for them, for their children and for their husbands. I cry because the honest, raw emotions, thoughts and feelings they are putting on paper are at time so overwhelming that I don’t know what else to do.

I cry because they are fighting to save a life, make sense of a life and put a life back together….and I’m being a jerk because Lucy won’t sit still so I can put her shoes on…or let me comb her hair.....or because she won’t let me put the sunscreen on, or because she got sunscreen in her hair, or because we’re running late and she just won’t settle down and let me get her dressed. I get impatient with her because I’m in a rush…..

I cry because they are doing everything they can do to just make it through a day – one day at a time,  an hour at a time, sometimes minute by minute……and I’m in a rush to get out the door because I don’t want to be late for work because I don’t want to give the impression I can’t handle being a Mum and working full time……

The little girl went into the hospital Tuesday; they found a donor for her and she was to start her chemo. The transplant would have been in two weeks, on her #1 birthday! But instead, she is fighting a fever – at her last posting, blood had been drawn and test were being run but the bottom line is the chemo and transplant have been postponed. Her Mum is upset, hell I’m upset.....but she’s trying to stay upbeat and positive, she’s trying to cling onto that thread of hope she has….she just wants a break for her baby…

The Mum struggling to recover from the loss of her son, is angry…and when I say angry I mean like F bomb dropping, go screw yourself, don’t look at me cross eyed or I’ll punch you in the face angry! Someone posted a comment basically telling her to get over it…telling her she was spiraling into depression and she needed to snap out of it. From what I can tell, whoever made these comments is a stranger to her – a stranger like me who found her blog and read it…a stranger who does not know her well enough to say snap out of it! Get over it! A stranger who may or may not have children…a stranger who has probably never lost a child. A stranger who better pray this woman never finds him or her because I’m pretty confident she could take you whomever you may be

These two women, these two families…they overwhelm me. I wish I could do something for them….what I would do, I don’t know…

My Cousin De loves the saying “If I had a cape and a tiara, I could save the world”

This is one of those times I wish I had a cape and tiara…maybe even a wand for good measure…or fairy dust…..anything that could make their pain subside, their memories all be happy and their kids safe.

But I don’t….so what I can do is pray for them – send them well wishes, blessings and hope.

They make me want to be a better mother, a better wife, a better person. They make me remind myself I need to SLOW DOWN and be grateful for what I have, for who I have…..they make me want to go home and apologize to Sean and Lucy for being impatient with them both this morning because again, I was running late and just can’t seem to make myself leave…I feel like I have to stay there until we are all ready to leave – not because Sean can’t handle them getting out the door…because I don’t want to miss anything, I don’t want to miss them……

I have a husband, I have a daughter…we all have our health. We have jobs, we have a home, we have a safe and happy place to send our daughter each day……then how and why do I forget to be grateful?

How can I forget that Lucy…that Lucy is just a little 2 year old who is full of beans but means no harm…that Lucy is still trying to figure out how to put into words what she is thinking and feeling…..that she is a person too and can sometimes have a bad day….

How…why do I keep forgetting Lucy is just a little girl trying to figure out her place in the big world…kind of like her mom…

Becoming a parent was exhilarating, terrifying, and gratifying all at the same time….kind of like how I when I became a wife but magnified like 10 times. I’m glad I did both…and I’m a good wife, I’m a good Mum…but I can always be better……I just want to be better…for them and for me….I don’t want to be perfect, that would take all of the fun out of it…..I just want to be better

I’ll slow down now….…I’ll remind myself to be grateful..….I’ll remind myself what I have, not what I don’t have, not what I could have but what I do have….and I’ll read the extra story at bedtime, not care about the laundry for one more day, take the five extra minutes to lie with my husband in the morning…and breathe……

I have Lucy, I have Sean…and they have me…….

Maria, the Mum

Lucy could be Pooh Bear

Sean and Lucy decided we should have cupcakes for my birthday instead of a cake (which is perfect as there are no leftovers) Per Lucy, we had to also get a cupcake for Roger and Kristen.

I got Lucy home last night and the first thing she asked was
Mama...I have cupcake?

After being asked 4 times, and telling her 4 times that she could not have a cupcake until she ate dinner, Lucy finally asked
Mama...I hungry...I have dinner?

One hot dog and two servings of cauliflower and broccoli later, Lucy was ready to have her cupcake....

Problem was Sean was stuck in traffic and no where near home

So I did my best to stall....
But within 15 minutes, Lucy was no longer in the mood to be stalled.

I called Sean and determined that he was still at least 10 minutes away - no way I could hold Lucy off so with Daddy on speaker phone (and Lucy yelling Daddy you there? You there Daddy? but giving him no chance to respond) we lit the candles and Lucy and Daddy sang me Happy Birthday....though I think Lucy might have actually been singing Happy Birthday Dear Lucy instead of Dear Mummy but who am I to get hung up on details?

Song sung, candles blown out, Lucy yelled
Now I have cupcake?!?!?!!

And have cupcake she did

She held it above her head and yelled
Ta DAAAAAAA!
She licked it, just to get a taste of the frosting and looked at me and said
YUMMY!

Then, with no warning,  dropped her face right onto the cupcake..which by the way is covered mile high in frosting

That baby laughed, giggled, squished and squeezed frosting all over the place!
She scooped it up in her fingers and licked them clean

Look Mama! I Winnie Pooh!

And she did look just like Winnie the Pooh with his hand stuck in the honey pot

It was more fun watching her enjoy the cupcake then it would have been eating one myself
 
By the time Sean got home, Lucy had frosting spread from cheek to cheek, chin to forehead and hand to elbow. I'm not even sure she actually took a bit of the cake itself, she may have just eaten the frosting

So with Lucy giggling and covered in frosting, we tossed her in the sink, hosed her off a bit and banished her to the tub for a scrubbing

Best birthday ever......

Maria, the Mum

39

In honor of my 39th year, I give you 39 of my favorite things in no particular order:

Motherhood
Sean
Lucy
My Mum and Dad
My brother
My sisters
My nieces and nephews
The moon
That 10 minutes right before you are fully awake...coming out of a dream that may or may not be real
Blizzards from Dairy Queen. Whomever invented Blizzards is a genius in my book
Chocolate and peanut butter....even more in a Blizzard
Chapstick
The towels in the Hilton Hotel
The Bourne Movies
Harry Potter
Stretching, scratching and pooping (no secrets here)
Chocolate butternut donuts...hard to find
#2 Pencils
Target
July 4th
Voting
The National Anthem
My gray sweatshirt
My Pandora Bracelet
The Wyeth Artists
The Boston Skyline
Fenway
The New England Aquarium
Kettle Korn
Books
Lucy's laugh
Rain storms
The Preamble
2004...every once in a while, I still find myself saying Holy shit! We won the World Series...2007 hasn't even hit me yet.....
Branston pickle sandwiches
Beatrix Potter
Project Runway and Top Chef.....I know nothing about fashion, less about sewing and am not that great of a cook
NPR and PBS.....why is this such a shock? Click and Clack...Sesame Street...there is stuff to love in both those places
29!

Maria, the birthday girl










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You're so annoying

Me: Blah, blah blah
Sean: Sometimes you're so annoying.....and you don't even try to be....
Me: Blah blah blah blah...I know....

Maria, the Mum


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My Buddy

Lucy and I pull into the circle this evening and our neighbor (and friend) Kristen is parked at the mailboxes.
I pull in behind her (I almost never stop for the mail but because tomorrow is my birthday, I was convinced it would be full of cards...it wasn't) and Lucy looks up, sees her car and yells

Hey! It's my buddy Kristen!!!!


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Writers Block vs Performance Anxiety

So I signed up to have my blog posted on a website - which really is just a gateway to get more people to read but if you vote for me (by clicking on that badge thing to the right there), I could become a featured blog (!) -  and now I have writer's block....its probably performance anxiety and I don't want to admit to it so I'm calling it writer's block

There are 104 things running through my mind - but I can't seem to get any of it down on paper in a clear, concise organized fashion...I hate it when this happens. So I'm just going to start blurting them out, maybe that will help clear my brain:

Sean re-joined Beverly Athletic Club and is getting back to swimming a mile every morning before work
I re-joined Curves and will start going back to the gym at night while Sean is bathing Lucy
Both are moves to start getting a better grip on our lives (read balancing act) get healthy (read lose weight we've gained) and, gives us both a bit of time to ourselves....

I just had some red grapes - and they were good. I put them in the freezer this morning....what a great snack

Lucy bit me Saturday....hard...like it made me cry and I have a wicked bruise on my arm.
When I asked her why she bit me, she said, without hesitation or batting an aye
Mama! You were in Lucy's space!
Where the hell does a 2 year old get that?!?
Oh wait, that's what the teachers tell me when she is bitten at school...that the biter did it because Lucy got in his/her space......crap, please don't let this turn into anything....its bad enough when your kid is the one being bitten at school, please don't let her turn into a biter....I don't care how awesome the Twilight books/movies were, I don't want a biter!!!!

On the other hand, if she came home and told me she was a wizard and Sean and I are Muggles, I'd be okay with that

I'm a jerk......I was giving Sean a hard time about the stupid deck yesterday (because its taken him three weekends so far) and I had no right or reason to be a jerk.....because really, he's the one doing the backbreaking work, not me. He's the one who was standing out there sweating his ass off, not me. He's the one inhaling the fumes and peeling the cheap paint off the poorly painted deck, not me...but I gave him a hard time. Partly because Lucy has been tough the past few weekends - as much as I've tried to keep her occupied, she wants daddy to come play to. partly because I miss our time together as a family....I live for the moment that Sean's car pulls up to the house or when we all wake up on Saturday with two whole days together....and partly because I know he leaves on the 20th to head up to Maine for the Folk Festival and is not back till the 28th...
So I was a jerk - sorry Sean. I love you, I'm proud of you and the deck looks great and will look even better by the time you are done...could you just hurry up? (kidding!! XXOO)

I need to clean the bathrooms
And vacuum the first floor
I also need to get those towels that are in the basement bagged and over to Goodwill
And I can't even remember the last time I dusted

Lori and I took Lucy and Caitlin to Church Sunday (while Sean and Kevin worked the deck) Though we did not make it through the whole Mass, it was quite comforting just to be there....

We're having a fantastic thunder storm as I write this.
We had one last week as well and at one of the claps of thunder, Lucy turned and looked at me and said
Mama?! What's that?
God is just clapping Lucy
Oh, he happy?
Yes, he's happy.
The thunder continued in quick bursts for a minute or so and Lucy looks at me and says
God really happy Mama!

A bit later, there was a HUGE clap of thunder that frankly, stopped me in my tracks. I was in the kitchen getting dinner and Lucy was sitting at her table at the front windows drawing. She came tearing around the corner
Mama!?!? What that?
God is bowling Lucy! Pretty cool huh?
Lucy looked at me and cocked her head to the side
God knows how to bowl?
Yep! And I'm pretty sure he just got a strike!
With that, another clap of thunder startled us both
I hope he winning Mama!
Me too Lucy, me too

I miss my Mum and Dad
I also miss Annette and Brandon

Sean came up with the best winter project: we're going to take a picture of each and every one of Lucy's stuffed animals and catalogue them in a book for her....Sean will of course do the photos. My contribution will be all the names...and I'm hoping I can remember who everyone is from and when they were received...

Sometimes, when Lucy can't sleep, she'll ask me to tell her a story about Lucy and Puppy Jack. I just make them up; they go on all kinds of adventures together. I think I may start to write them down...one day give them to her illustrated and everything so that she can share Puppy Jack with whatever children come into her life.

My new favorite thing Lucy does: she winks
We'll be eating dinner and I'll look over at her and she'll wink without saying a word
Throws me off every time she does
Its charming, disarming and endearing all at the same time

I'll be 39 tomorrow

I love Lucy and Sean like crazy

Thats all I got for now....at least I don't have enerything all jumbled up inside my head now.....here's to hoping for a clear and concise blog...in the next day or two.....

Maria, the Mum