Monday, August 8, 2011

Writers Block vs Performance Anxiety

So I signed up to have my blog posted on a website - which really is just a gateway to get more people to read but if you vote for me (by clicking on that badge thing to the right there), I could become a featured blog (!) -  and now I have writer's block....its probably performance anxiety and I don't want to admit to it so I'm calling it writer's block

There are 104 things running through my mind - but I can't seem to get any of it down on paper in a clear, concise organized fashion...I hate it when this happens. So I'm just going to start blurting them out, maybe that will help clear my brain:

Sean re-joined Beverly Athletic Club and is getting back to swimming a mile every morning before work
I re-joined Curves and will start going back to the gym at night while Sean is bathing Lucy
Both are moves to start getting a better grip on our lives (read balancing act) get healthy (read lose weight we've gained) and, gives us both a bit of time to ourselves....

I just had some red grapes - and they were good. I put them in the freezer this morning....what a great snack

Lucy bit me it made me cry and I have a wicked bruise on my arm.
When I asked her why she bit me, she said, without hesitation or batting an aye
Mama! You were in Lucy's space!
Where the hell does a 2 year old get that?!?
Oh wait, that's what the teachers tell me when she is bitten at school...that the biter did it because Lucy got in his/her space......crap, please don't let this turn into anything....its bad enough when your kid is the one being bitten at school, please don't let her turn into a biter....I don't care how awesome the Twilight books/movies were, I don't want a biter!!!!

On the other hand, if she came home and told me she was a wizard and Sean and I are Muggles, I'd be okay with that

I'm a jerk......I was giving Sean a hard time about the stupid deck yesterday (because its taken him three weekends so far) and I had no right or reason to be a jerk.....because really, he's the one doing the backbreaking work, not me. He's the one who was standing out there sweating his ass off, not me. He's the one inhaling the fumes and peeling the cheap paint off the poorly painted deck, not me...but I gave him a hard time. Partly because Lucy has been tough the past few weekends - as much as I've tried to keep her occupied, she wants daddy to come play to. partly because I miss our time together as a family....I live for the moment that Sean's car pulls up to the house or when we all wake up on Saturday with two whole days together....and partly because I know he leaves on the 20th to head up to Maine for the Folk Festival and is not back till the 28th...
So I was a jerk - sorry Sean. I love you, I'm proud of you and the deck looks great and will look even better by the time you are done...could you just hurry up? (kidding!! XXOO)

I need to clean the bathrooms
And vacuum the first floor
I also need to get those towels that are in the basement bagged and over to Goodwill
And I can't even remember the last time I dusted

Lori and I took Lucy and Caitlin to Church Sunday (while Sean and Kevin worked the deck) Though we did not make it through the whole Mass, it was quite comforting just to be there....

We're having a fantastic thunder storm as I write this.
We had one last week as well and at one of the claps of thunder, Lucy turned and looked at me and said
Mama?! What's that?
God is just clapping Lucy
Oh, he happy?
Yes, he's happy.
The thunder continued in quick bursts for a minute or so and Lucy looks at me and says
God really happy Mama!

A bit later, there was a HUGE clap of thunder that frankly, stopped me in my tracks. I was in the kitchen getting dinner and Lucy was sitting at her table at the front windows drawing. She came tearing around the corner
Mama!?!? What that?
God is bowling Lucy! Pretty cool huh?
Lucy looked at me and cocked her head to the side
God knows how to bowl?
Yep! And I'm pretty sure he just got a strike!
With that, another clap of thunder startled us both
I hope he winning Mama!
Me too Lucy, me too

I miss my Mum and Dad
I also miss Annette and Brandon

Sean came up with the best winter project: we're going to take a picture of each and every one of Lucy's stuffed animals and catalogue them in a book for her....Sean will of course do the photos. My contribution will be all the names...and I'm hoping I can remember who everyone is from and when they were received...

Sometimes, when Lucy can't sleep, she'll ask me to tell her a story about Lucy and Puppy Jack. I just make them up; they go on all kinds of adventures together. I think I may start to write them day give them to her illustrated and everything so that she can share Puppy Jack with whatever children come into her life.

My new favorite thing Lucy does: she winks
We'll be eating dinner and I'll look over at her and she'll wink without saying a word
Throws me off every time she does
Its charming, disarming and endearing all at the same time

I'll be 39 tomorrow

I love Lucy and Sean like crazy

Thats all I got for least I don't have enerything all jumbled up inside my head's to hoping for a clear and concise the next day or two.....

Maria, the Mum

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