Friday, March 30, 2012

We'll have what we have now....forever and always

This morning you awoke calling out my name, I answered telling you I was getting dressed. You wandered in and proudly announced you slept through the whole night all by yourself.

I’m so proud of you I declared!
Yeah Mama! Me too you sleepily agreed as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes

You honed in on the two Willow Tree Figurines on my dresser – one is of a Mum and Dad holding a newborn and the other is a woman hugging her pregnant belly.

That’s Lucy with Mummy and Daddy and that Lucy in Mummy’s belly!

It sure is I said as I tugged on my socks and kissed your head

Mama I need another kiss!

You puckered up, I gave you three smooches and you demanded two more!

Mama! You giggled as you lay down on the floor. Tell me a story about when I came home with you…..

So this morning, as we brushed our teeth and got dressed, I regaled you with tales of the first few months of your life. You took great delight in each of them and begged for another as soon as the story finished.

You were such a good girl this morning Boo…..and after your meltdown last night at dinner, it was a welcome way to start the day.

As we settled down for breakfast, we saw Kristen out the window…within two minutes, Daddy and I went running out the door to help she and Jet…and you my dear sat and quietly ate you breakfast – I was out of the house for less than 2 minutes and came running back in to grab the phone – I swear you knew something was wrong as you ate your breakfast and simply asked

Mama is Kristen okay?

Yeah honey (my voice was shaking) she’s Okay

Where’s Daddy?

He’s helping Kristen with Jet….

Did silly Jet get away again?

He did honey…..

And then you turned back to your breakfast as I made frantic phone calls
Kristen darted in to grab a blanket and I went out as Daddy and Kristen loaded Jet into the car
You were so good Lucy; you just sat quietly and patiently waiting for us
When Daddy and I finally sat down, you just smiled at us and asked if Kristen got Jet…knowing that neither of us was ready to tell you anything (because we were not even really sure what to tell you) we both said at the same time, yes, Kristen got Jet.

You smiled and kept eating

I realized, at that moment, that pretty soon, I’m not going to be able to protect you anymore.
That one day, I can’t shield you from bad things that may happen….
That one day, we will have to deal with death, with loss, with heartache….
I dread that day

I spoke with Kristen a bit ago and Jet should be just fine…for which I breathe a sigh of relief first and foremost for Kristen and secondly for you Lucy as you love Jet as if he’s your own.
Then I realized I was also relived for me….because yes, I love Jet too but also because I am so not ready to deal with anything like this with you yet…
How blessed I am that I have not had to….

Back in September, I started to write you a letter – and I never finished it
It’s been sitting in “draft” status for months…
I was writing it so one day, I could remind you about you....
And so I could remind me about you....
And so I could remind us all that forever and always, we'll have what we have now

September 19th, 2011
I drove past the Playground today....the one with your Clubhouse and I was thinking about this one afternoon a few weeks ago when we were there........I was watching Daddy push you on the swing as you screeched and laughed and yelled Higher Daddy! Higher! HIGHER!

When he would stop you'd yell out How 'bout again?!?! Followed with a giggle and squeal of delight. And Daddy would start pushing you again and you'd yell Higher! All I could do was stand there and smile at both of you.......

I remembered that afternoon today and it made me go through a checklist in my head of all the things that make you so wonderful, so beautiful… Lucy....

Your laugh is infectious
When I hear you laugh, I want to giggle as well - and I don't even have to know what is making you laugh but your screech of sheer delight is enough to make me want to laugh from the belly up and out

You love so many things and so many some ones in your life
But no one person or no one thing garners all your love and love everybody and everything on equal ground.....and you take turns giving them all the love and attention they deserve

When you talk about people you love, you preface it with "my"
My Daddy, My Kristen, My Rosie, My Jet, My Rika, My Ali, My Jackie, My Other lucky we all are to be yours

You get so excited when a song you like comes on and your little feet start tapping....
Next thing I know, you are bustin' a move and yelling for us to dance with you!
And you don't slow down!

You love to play and want everyone to play with you
I love hearing you ask Daddy or me, Will you play with me?
And I hate that sometimes we have to say no because dinner has to be made, clothes have to be put away, we have to get to work, we have to take a phone call......
But you never hold that against always, always ask us to play...
And when we say yes, your face lights up the room

Your love of books and stories
I know, I know, I've already said it a million times before but I love that you love books
You never tire of flipping through the pages, of reading the same books over and over....and now you help me "read" them
You know what word comes next and you'll shout it out before I do
You get so into the book
You get so excited, like when Lisa comes back for Corduroy, you can’t help but giggle and yell aloud She came back for him Mama!
And you when Clifford stepped on his new toy dog, you were sad for Clifford who broke his toy and just as sad for the toy that got stepped on
You'll sit for what feels like hours just flipping through your books...sometimes I'll hear you muttering the story as you are looking and am amazed at the accuracy with which you repeat the story

I love that you love hearing stories
Made up stories and true stories
I make up stories about Lucy and Puppy Jack and their adventures (which always involves those meeting animals)
For the past few days, it’s been stories about you as a baby....funny, I still think of you as a baby........
I've been telling you how you used to kick me while you were in my belly
How you would kick Daddy when he put his hand on my belly
How you came into this world looking just like me....and now look nothing like me!
How you started to cry when you were put into your bassinet at the hospital but as soon as Daddy touched your little face and said: its okay, Daddy's stopped crying and fell right to sleep
How your belly button fell off and freaked Daddy and I out
How you reacted when you tried peas for the first time
How you started to crawl and kept crawling right into the wall or table and spent weeks with little bruises on your forehead
How you started to walk and never looked back
The first time you met a puppy dog and a kitty cat and a goat
Oh how you love hearing stories about yourself

Your love for animals
Stuffed animals, real animals, animals on TV, in books, the hard plastic animals, the Fisher Price just love animals!
You tick off all the animals you love in list format:
Mama! I love tigers and lions and elephants and turtles and humpback whales and beluga whales and killer whales and seals and penguins and 'raffes.........
Mama! Do you like tigers and lions and elephants and turtles and humpback whales and beluga whales and killer whales and seals and penguins and 'raffes?
And then you'll remember I don't like snakes and you'll say Mama, you no like snakes?
And I hesitate and say Well....because I don't want you to not like snakes.....
So as I fumble around with what to say you say
Its okay Mama, I no like turkeys!
But you love all other animals and you don’t just love them, you learn about them
You listen to the books we read, or what Diego tells you, and can spew back facts and details about animals that I never even knew (who knew Beluga whales molted?)

I have never met anyone who loves stickers so much
You stick them on your hands, on the tip of your nose, your legs, on Daddy, on me
Your stuffed animals have stickers on them
You stick them on the floor, on the bench, the stools
I found stickers on my laptop and the back of my phone
And not too long ago, there was a sticker on the license plate of my car

I love that you sing
You, my little imp, are always humming or singing something
Lately it’s been Baby Beluga in the deep blue sea
Half the time, I don't even think you realize you are humming or singing.
Sometimes, you do it so quietly, I can barely hear you
Other times, you belt it out at the top of your lungs and applaud yourself when you are yourself mere seconds before you break into the second set of your act
I love how your love of music makes you stop in the middle of the store and declare
Mama! I hear it!! Someone's playing the Beatles!
And I love how it makes other people do a double take when they realize it’s a little 2.5 year old making such a declaration

I love how you love us
I love that you love to snuggle
I love that you sneak into our bed at 3am and think we don’t notice
I don't really love how you wake me up to get in bed with you, but I do secretly like sleeping all snuggled with you
I love that you love to give us hugs and kisses
I love how your forgive us so easily even though we have been cross with you
I love that you reach up to hold my hand without having to be asked or told
I love that you love us so much you and God decided we should be your Mum and Dad.

So Lucy, thank you for what you have given us so far......and thanks for sleeping through last night….
I love you to the moon and back and three times around the Earth

Maria the Mum

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